Darian did not remember much of the time between his death and rebirth into mortal flesh. But, he could not help thinking that his only desire had been to live again. He remembered nothing of his time in death. A vast cavernous maw consumed that part of his memory. He remembered the most scant details of a life before that, his past life. Those memories were usually vague at best. He looked down at his hands. Now, even he, saw the new form he inhabited rather than the real Darian, the demon. 1
He shivered inwardly and whispered. "The price for being made flesh again is high. You must find a child who is to be stillborn. Be warned, you will need to feed on souls forever." The words echoed within the depths of his mind. He had been warned, yet his need for life, and for revenge, had been stronger than the alluring peace of death.2
The scent of blood clung precariously in the air. The need to consume raged within him. A woman standing nearby watching him with a deep curiosity. The blood scent came from her, he was certain of it. He had noticed her presence as she arrived moments before, he had refused to acknowledge her. The scent drew him to her. His eyes moved over her lithe form. Her skin held the ruddy complexion of one recently fed. "We are much the same Darian," she said quietly. "I lived as a mortal for almost 19 years. When I was turned I began to remember a past life, first only as dreams. Dreams that were half remembered but haunting just the same. My soul is vampiric therefore it was fate that I come full circle," her voice broke as she turned away.3
"This distresses you?" he asked coldly. The mention of dreams had struck a chord with him. It was exactly the same. For twenty-one years he had lived as a mortal man then just weeks before the twenty-second anniversary of his birth the dreams began. They were vivid and full of blood. At first he had been distressed, at best they had been partial memories. Fragments of his past taunting him. 4
Eventually they became surreal and seemed detached. Then they began to make sense. The body he was now in became ill with consumption and, as the mortal life came closer to ending, the dreams connected. Death had again embraced him. This time for now more that the pause of several heartbeats, but, in that time all had changed. 5
The vampiric nature of his soul, twenty-one years hidden deep within mortal flesh was unleashed. Once back inside flesh the soul would no longer deny itself the blood.6
"How did you do it, Darian? How did you regain flesh after a century of death?" Aurelia asked, her eyes betraying her. He growled as he felt her attempting to probe his thoughts. She had broken a crack in the surface of his mind. She had not begun to probe the depths of the darkness in which his madness lingered.7
"A stillborn..." Darian began so softly Aurelia scarcely heard.8
Aurelia allowed a startled scream to pass her lips as Darian clutched her wrist in a vice-like grip. He forced her close to him, He took a deep breath, smelling the sweet scent of her skin and of her blood. He smelled something else too, a bit of fear and apprehension. The traces of a smile played at his lips as he slid his fangs easily into the flesh.9
He closed his eyes reveling in the blood. Images began to form, he mentally projected them to Aurelia, invading her mind. A man, young and full of life, betrayed by those he trusted most. A fatal wound, bleeding and dying, and old witch murmuring numerous incantations. An awakening, the noises deafening. The faintest sounds thunderous, the fainest scent monsterous. 10
The image shifted. A woman, desperate and dying, himself kneeling beside her begging her to drink, the overpowering scent of her death and fear of him. Her last words, Think of me long enough to make a memory. Two men entering, accusing him of her death, as she expired in his arms, her blood painting his lips.11
The images flickered and leapt, centuries later, the same young man. Betrayed and burnt, his flesh peeling away as he screamed and uttered curses at those once his allies. Betrayal. It was all he ever knew. Everyone turning away from him time and again. Death and hatred, until he was reborn.12
Rebirth into a new body and again betrayal. The father of the child he had become a disgusting bastard who betrayed a child's trust every time the drink seized him. 13
The images took on a new subject. Villages burning, bodies impaled and skinned alive. Monstrosities everywhere one could look. 14
Darian released her. "It is not all for nothing. Betrayal begets the best evil. And betrayal came to me again and again." 15
Aurelia fought to remain on her feet. She staggered toward the wall and leaned heavily against it. "Is that the way you recall it, Darian? Allow me to correct you. You killed those people for no other reason than it pleased you to do so. You had some insane idea for the destruction and ruin of the human race. You would be not only the ruler of the vampire world but of the human as well. You would kill all opposed to you and perhaps even recruit a few along the way." Aurelia paused as Darian watched her, his true nature lurking just beneath the surface.16
"You killed with a fiendish deliberation. Those so called recruited were left as rogues. The rest of us had to clean up your messes. You never had the patience to finish what you started. That is why you were sacrificed to the Celtic gods it was either stop you or expose our race. You were mad, Darian." 17
He moved slowly toward Aurelia. His head lowered slightly, his face masked with loathing and contempt. Something within Darian faltered. No mask to shield the demon. He appeared as he was, not as the horrible monster, or the rotten corpse as vampires seem to be expected to be. He was an evil, vile shadow, moving through the darkness as it shifted loathing the touch of his hideous soul.18
He leaned close to her, his breath caressed her throat, "You remembered these things?" he questioned. "I think you were sent here to deceive me. I shall tell them you failed." He again bit into the cool flesh of her throat, this time tearing violently into it. Blood poured forth in a pulsating, rubicund stream.19
He dropped her body unceremoniously to the floor. Already he was bored with this game. He wanted to leave and seek victims outside the towns. He wanted them to run so he could hunt them down and taste their fear. He started toward the exit. A light rain had begun. Darian inhaled deeply, the scent of the rain had always pleased him, but tonight his bloodlust would not be abated so easily. 20
Author notes
The prologue to something that differs from the usual vampire tale.
- Vampires group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Vampires and Werewolves !(will comment on every entry) by moonwriter.
300 points, ended May 2, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Once Upon A Time... by Bloody-Ink.
375 points, ended January 18, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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An indiscriminate killing! Beautiful.
While I was reading I thought to myself "I have to say this, this, and this and then some of that" and by the time I finished it had all flown out the window. Sucks to be me.
This sir, is very good. You're a fucking great writer, just so you know. I don't quite know what's going on, but that's the point of a prologue isn't it?
The fragments of memory were great, particularly the allusion to his attempt at world domination. That is always an admirable task.
Though, I have to ask: Is this it? For the prologue I mean...There's so much in this that's not even touched upon, there are just allusions. I felt like I was missing out on a great deal of information. Maybe I'm looking too far into it...
Man, this was awesome, from beginning to end. No lag. This whole thing was dark and brooding. Darian seemed very pissed. About what, I don't know. I'll just have to read on won't I?
You know, strange enough, your use of consumption has stayed in my mind. I think not many among my generation will actually know what that is. At least, not using that term. Which brings me to say: I was amazed by your style. Though I'm not quite sure whether you just happen to write that way, or you were using terminology, phrases and the such that your characters would use. That, to me anyway, indicates the signature of the best kind of writer: the kind that takes his work seriously.
uh...Didn't mean to ramble. I bet you're going to be pissed when this comment pops up and takes the entirety of your computer screen. Sorry about that. Perhaps you should think about writing poorly...
I'm going to ramble on now...
For what it's worth, here are some edits:
Paragraph3: "A woman standing nearby watching him with a deep curiosity."--Should not 'standing' be 'stood' with a comma separating nearby and watching?
P5: "This time for now more that the pause of several heartbeats, but, in that time all had changed."--This is awkward. I get your point, I think, but the wording is awkward.
P9: "close to him, He took a deep"--'to him. He took'
P10: "and old witch"--'an' old...?
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I loved the imagery in this one! I was completely captivated the entire time, and wanted more when I was finished. I will definately be awaiting the first chapter whenever you post it. Definately one of my favorites so far.
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Interesting story! I love the twist you have put on the traditional laws of vampirism and vampire folklore. I think with a little revision this could lead to a very interesting tale, indeed! Great writing.
The only error I saw was one typo; in paragraph 9 you have written "and old witch" I cannot tell because it is at the end of the sentence if you intended it to say "an old witch" or "and an old witch." That was the only typo I caught, though.beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thank you! Thank you for reading it.
"an old witch" was my intention. Thank you for pointing out that error. The entire of Red Death Incarnate is novel length. Darian is a complex individual, and with him things are not always what they appear.
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Awesome! If you ever think to post the rest of the tale on StoryWrite, please IM me and let me know. Alternatively, if it ever gets published, I want to buy one of the first copies. Keep up the good work!
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Very good great job XD love it XD
DNY--
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This is really good. I wonder when your going to write more? Very interesting vampire story! I like it a lot!
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This is really good, and I think that it was written really well, great work!! I really like it and think that it will be a great story.
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I had to stop reading after the first paragraph beacuse it was so scary. It should be rated Young Adult + Horror! And it had no action watsoever, at least in the first paragraph that even if it wasn't so scary I wouldn't of read any farther!
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I love the descriptions and internal thought. I love stories that focus on a single character's thoughts, feelings, and history. It gives the story a more personal touch and allows the reader to better understand the story. As far as I could tell, there were no major spelling or grammatical errors. You told a vewry good, original story with a lovely style.
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1st Chapter coming soon?
This is definitely an intriguing piece, and I love the slight twist you took with Darian's character. Like you, I don't write many vamp stories, and try to take a different approach when I do. KUDOS!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Chapter 1 is complete but needs a bit of editing. I should have it up some time tomorrow. Thank you for reading it and the wonderful comment. I will be reading some of your work as well.
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Good from the start!!!
I can't emphasize enough how much this is a great story!
I entered this contest as well and thought I'd take a look into the other entries.
Quite honestly if I had to pick, I would pick this one as the winner!
You definitely have writing talent, it was as if I was truly reading from a professional novel! This was a great tale! and loved reading every bit of it.
I don't think I ever read descriptions like,
"Blood poured forth in a pulsating, rubicund stream"
that was great vision right there!
I have a question, do you normally write vampire stories, or was it just for this contest?
'Cause I would love to read your other writing pieces.
Darian is such a cool name for such a cool character as well!
I hope you continue other chapters of his life.
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Thank you for your flattering and ego boosting review. *smiles as ego inflates*
I have written vampire tales before but nothing memorable. An erotica tale with a vampiric undertone, things of that nature. I do not attempt vampire too often. I see too many complaining about vampire tales and their lack of originality. I would think after thousands of years all originality would have to be gone from a subject.
Red Death is something I have been planning for a long time. The contest gave me the extra push I needed to get Darian out of my head and in print. While not original in the true sense of the word it does have elements I have not seen in other vampire novels.
There will be more soon. I have almost completed the first chapter.
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Excellent
Well-written in a dark, fearful, depressing tone. This prologue held my attention from beginning to end. Good job with the imagery of thoughts and deeds. You give a hint of the nature of Darian, but there is also hesitation in his evil. Can't wait to read more.
Bravo on an excellent job! Keep on writing!
Sincerely,
IGW
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Thank you for reading it. Your comments are most appreciated. Red Death is something I started several years ago then stopped due to...life in general. Once completed it will not at all fit the mold of a typical vampire tale.
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