Unheard Farewell

My eyes trace along the pale unflawed features of a face that was once so warm and vibrant with life. I still cannot find the strength to accept the fact that I will never again hear the comforting words I so terribly need to hear at this very moment. Who knew that such a selfless person would be taken so quickly from this world and at such a young age? Why is this world so cruel that it must take the very person that meant so much to me? These questions and many more thrive inside my head as I search for the answers. With a trembling hand I brush a stray hair back into its place behind my ear. My eyes burn, but no tears fall at this time. I turn back to the line of people waiting to hug me, or shake my hand and pretend that they care. My efforts to smile are instinct, and even then it does not come easily. My mind wanders back to that very day when this all happened, the day of an unheard farewell.1

That morning was just like any other morning, except I had awoken late and was forced to rush out the door all too fast. I was already late for school but I did not pause as I quickly ran to my first class. My teacher and fellow classmates were all but pleased with me for coming in and interrupting class. To make matters worse my seat was in the very back of the room. As I walked down what seemed to be a never ending aisle, I tried my best to ignore the stares that I could feel burning a hole into my back. Finally, after what felt like years I reached my seat and quickly pulled out a notebook. I began to scribble notes down on my paper but all too quickly my mind was stolen by a daydream.2

The bell rang and I flew from my chair, landing on the floor in a flurry of papers that scattered about aimlessly. I heard snickers from all around me as people began to exit the room and just left me there on the floor. Always being a social outcast had made me used to people ignoring me but what really hurt me was when people laughed. This was just one of the many times that I was completely invisible in this world. Quickly hurrying about I gathered my papers and shoved them back into my notebook. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed to my next class. Taking my seat I studied the board for some sort of idea of what we were doing and that’s where I saw it in big, bold, underlined letters:3

Research Projects Due Today!!4

I couldn’t believe it was due already. I looked at the calendar and saw the two weeks had already gone by, the day was already here and I hadn’t even started on it. In complete awe of my stupidity I hadn’t noticed that my class had filed in and even begun presentations; that was until my name was called. I snapped back to reality at once as a stared at my teacher with a brainless look on my face. It didn’t register at all, until my fellow classmates started laughing. My teacher quickly quieted the class and moved onto the next student, but not without shooting a disappointed look in my direction. My cheeks burned a bright red as I sunk low in my seat trying really hard to just disappear away from it all. This time I was careful not to zone out and I was all too ready to escape as soon as the bell rang. I couldn’t believe all this was happening in one day, and I believed there was no way it could get any worse.5

Lunch time came around; I sat at a table by myself in the corner of the cafeteria. I wasn’t hungry, at least not at that moment. Which was probably a good thing because, I absent mindedly had forgotten to pack my lunch. I placed my arms down on the table and had the intention of dropping my head onto my arms, well I missed and I smacked my face against the table giving myself a bloody nose. I shrugged it off and went to the nurse’s office. When I arrived there I explained what happened and the nurse just stared at me like I was the dumbest thing she had ever seen in her life. I probably was; there was nothing I could picture that would be more stupid than what I had done. I quickly cleaned myself up and headed out on my way.6

As I slowly approached my next class I began to come up with a list of all the terrible things that could happen next. None of them would have prepared me for the inevitable loss that I would have to bear with soon. I made it there about a minute before class started and quickly took my seat, this class was easy enough all we were doing was watching a movie the school day was almost over and I was ready to rush home and be free from the misery of this prison like building.7

Suddenly our principal appeared at the door, beckoning to my teacher to step into the hallway. I watched them as the two chattered profusely for about a minute before my teacher beckoned for me to come and join them. I was confused at first I was sure he meant someone else, but sure enough it was me. I rose out of my seat and with a quick pace made my way through the maze of desks to the doorway. I knew others were watching but it didn’t bother me as much this time.8

My heart stopped as soon as the words came from my principal’s mouth. I couldn’t believe my ears and asked him to repeat it. I didn’t want to hear it again; I had only wished that it was not true and I was mistaken and had heard it wrong. But the words came out again just the same as before. The tears came all at once and I couldn’t hold them back this time. Pushing past them I ran to the exit. There was but one thought in my head and that was to get there. Hearing their commands to stop only upped my determination as I pushed the door open and continued running. My adrenaline had kicked in and I suddenly had all the energy in the world. The hospital was only a couple blocks away and I continued to run towards it. I was incredibly lucky not to get hit by a vehicle or knock over some poor pedestrian. My teacher and principal had obviously given up, for their cries faded away as well as their footsteps.9

As I ran, the memories of this morning came flooding back into my head. I had been so preoccupied that I had forgotten to say goodbye, and forgotten to tell her to have a good day. At once my determination grew, for I knew at that moment I was in a race against time and I had to say goodbye. I reached the hospital and ran to the front desk. Flustered I demanded the lady tell me right away which room she was in, and as soon as I knew I took off running again. I dodged patients, nurses, doctors, and carts as I ran with one purpose and that purpose alone. It felt like time had sped up and I was still running at a normal pace.10

My hand grasped hers just as she exhaled her last breath. I dropped into a nearby chair as I tried to take in everything that surrounded me. I had failed, there was now no time to say goodbye, all my efforts had been worthless. Things could get worse, I was wrong, my morning was nothing compared to this. She was everything to me, the only one I had left and now she was gone too. The world suddenly felt cold and lonely, I had no one to turn to.11

My face met my hands as I began to sob, I just couldn’t help myself. I began to shake uncontrollably, there was nothing more I’d rather do then die right there in that chair. My principal and teacher walked in and attempted to comfort me. I was grateful for their efforts but they were wasted. They finally calmed me down enough and told me they would take me home. So there I was sitting in an empty house that was eerie without anyone to keep me company.12

Of course people brought my stuff that I had left from school as well as many gifts of sympathy. But I didn’t want anything I just wanted to be left alone, to shut myself away from the world and everything in it. I did just that, for the whole week I stayed at home and refused to talk to anyone, as much as I could avoid it anyway. The shock began to fade over the days, but the pain never lessened. Then it came time for the day of the funeral, one day I never thought I’d have to see so soon.13

Standing here I receive many hugs from my classmates, neighbors, and even people I don’t know. I’m forced to wear this smile upon my face, although it is faker than any I’ve ever smiled before. These black clothes I never pictured would be used for such a thing as this. The air grows colder and the sky grows darker as night begins to set on this morbid scene.14

I stand here alone, as everyone as already returned to their homes. Clutching her hand, a single tear falls from my eye, staining the shirt she will wear for all eternity. I slowly bring the cold, limp hand to my lips as I kiss it one last time. Bringing myself closer to the face I kiss the forehead of my beloved, older sister. Then one last time I turn my back to her, and one last time I whisper an unheard farewell.