Who is this girl? The young man asks himself. What’s so special about this creek and the trees around it. They’re the same as all the others in all the world. The same green in the leaves and the same brown in the earth. The same boring babble of the water accompanied by the same boring wind. What does she see in all of this that makes it so “amazing”?1
I love this girl! The young man confesses to himself. With each smile I can feel my heart skip a beat and her laugh is of the heavens…such an angelic voice. With her beside me, I notice everything. Colors are brighter and more brilliant. The many shades of green that fill the forest along with the shades of grays and browns and the rainbow of colors radiating from the flowers are more pronounced now than they ever were. As we sit here now, the brush of her arm against mine sends waves of emotion through my body. This place is magical…the crystal clear water that gurgles gently as it flows by us and the refreshing breeze that carries her scent to me. I breathe deep this air, hoping to hold it forever. It’s all because of her…2
I miss her so…The young man cries. Everything has lost its color…nothing sounds as it should…and my heart no longer feels those skipped beats. Now…now I am stuck with the simple dull thud of a broken heart, forever torn. I sit here in my despair, my grief, my misery, my pain…with the cold kiss of an icy breeze on my skin. The colorful life of the forest that was once so enchanting is all but gone…now, it resides a mere skeleton. Gone are the leaves full of green and the flowers full of their purples and blues and reds and yellows. Gone are the strong life-filled trees. Gone are the waters that we dazed into daily. Nothing’s left of my paradise. The dead, frail leaves of my past surround me as I mourn for her. I lament here, for the life of an innocent love that will never know the truth. I lament here, for this girl…forever, in my heart. 3
A contest entry
- Flash Fiction Festival by SignifyingNothing.
170 points, ended April 23, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Just let me know what you guys think.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Brilliantly depressing and inspiring all at once
Have you been reading my mind? lol. Seriously, this is how you feel when you don't know where she has gone, or she's rejected you, or you just can't tell her.
She talks a certain way, so that you think she sees everything dull in a brilliant light - and suddenly you see things the same way. Nothing is dull, nothing is boring, as long as she is there.
I think I only felt this way around my first crush, and of course since I never talked to her, well... Let's saw she remained ignorant of my affections, let alone of my mere existence. But otherwise, you have the details of my experience almost down pat.
Beautiful, James, really. You never fail to pin every happy and sad detail of any story down to the very core.
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Aw, this is s sad...beautiful detailing given. Great work! Very good intro and then the shocking end.
HT -
This was well written, though I did find it a bit cliched at times. Quite dramatic, but you managed to keep it from becoming too purple (though there were bits where it did seem a bit overdone)
Reading the comments below and finding out this was inspired by Bridge to Terabithia makes me like it more. I liked that movie, and this seems to capture what the boy's thoughts would be years later, although it doesn't really capture the hope that seemed there at the end of the film, although maybe this is, in fact, more realistic to what he would be feeling.
Nice job and thanks for entering, despite my criticisms I really did like it overall, thanks for letting me read it! -
I am unfamiliar with Bridge to Terbithia, so I can honestly tell you that this piece is perfectly capable of standing on its own.
There is a lot of great emotion-packed imagery here - in fact, the whole thing is so colorfully dense it almost read like a prose poem instead of a story. I like how the relationship mirrors the seasons, too. Nicely done. Just be careful of overusing elipses...*laughs* 
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another excellent write...
I didn't realize until told that the 'Bridge' was the inspiration, but that makes it all the better as I can visualize the surroundings and attain another level of empathy with your words...well done yet again.
I am pleased to have made your acquaintance and rather hope it will continue...I usually seem only to relate to females, with male writers mostly turning into a pissing contest relationship, perhaps this will not.
And again, flawless mechanics, so pleasant to read.
thank you...
amicus...
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That was brilliant and so very sad. The first two paragraphs showed his love for the woman beautifully. And the last one... Wow! I was nearly in tears. Well done!!
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