I was in the shower and almost missed the phone call that changed my life. When the phone started ringing I hastily wrapped a towel around myself, and slipping and dripping, I waddled over to pick up the receiver just in time.1
"Hello?" 2
"Hello ma'am, I'd like to speak to Ms. Matia Duncan."3
"That's me", I replied melodiously.4
"I am Edward Boltonsson of Bestemont Trust and I am calling to notify you that Mrs. Anne Regis has passed away. Before she left us, she executed a Last Will and Testament in which she bequeathed you the home she owned in Westchester County with all its contents. The reading of the document shall be held next Tuesday at our New York Office at 40005 Rockefeller Plaza, Suite 11124, in Manhattan, at 9:00 AM. Will you be able to attend?"5
I was speechless...6
"Ms. Duncan?" 7
"Oh, I'm sorry; 40005 Rockefeller Plaza, Suite 11124", I repeated as I jotted the address down. "Yes, I will be there."8
"Very well. Goodbye."9
"Bye."10
As I gently lowered myself into the nearby rickety, old, wooden chair, I remembered the first time I saw Mrs. Regis, slowly pushing her walker through Central Park. She was a very elderly lady and looked somewhat forlorn and lonely. I approached her and asked if she was alright. I expected to be immediately rebuffed, but instead she seemed genuinely pleased at my inquiry, and so it was that we struck up a "park friendship"; that is, we both came to the park to walk every day and afterwards we would sit on a bench and talk until she told me it was time for her to go. She would always insist I leave first so I never saw where she went when she left. I respectfully decided not to pry. 11
I was genuinely sorry to hear she had passed away as I had grown accustomed to our meetings over the past year, but I was truly surprised to hear that she had bequeathed me her home and all its contents. Me, a struggling musician living in an Upper West Side closet-sized, "furnished", basement, studio apartment! However, I decided to wait until next Tuesday to see just what I had gotten in to. 12
In a list
A contest entry
- Chapter Ones! by citcat.
100 points, ended September 12, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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A good beginning. The first chapter always sets the scene for the novel and I like this so far. Good job.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I like the term 'park friendship.'
I've never really thought of it that way, but there are so many different kinds of friendship.
Hmm... I could write a book on it. I believe, with this particular friendship, it's a chance encounter, a sharing of nature's sights and sounds, a combination of two souls into one.
I really like her character. She really does seem believable, and a charming one at that.
I am curious to see what happens next. The only things I saw grammarwise and whatnot is covered by daftweejimmy below.
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A really good and open introduction. I love all the mystery that you have surrounding the old woman. Especially the fact that she insisted she left first...maybe the house will be haunted or something, that's probably my first guess. Definitely intrigued with this one...
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This is a really good beginning...
...as it sets the tone for being light, fun and yet intriguing
Your protagonist sounds very likeable and 'winning' something for being a good person? You can't go wrong with that 
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This story/poem is hereby officially accepted as a nomination for the SW Oscars. Congratulations on your nomination! You will be notified [via IM] to submit this story in its specific category when the contest opens. Congratulations, once again! Keep up the excellent work!
Admin
SW Oscars -
Wow... that was a great beginning... great details.
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Intruiging beinnning! I can't waitto read m ore.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Late to the dance...
...but belatedly arrived due to your kind comment and to thank you for recalling Blake, the title seemed so appropriate, I trust it will not be seen as plagarism.
Since, when I read, I like to get a 'feel', for a writer, I went back to chapter one here and feel privileged to continue on to see where our itinerant artist in a shoebox might take us.
Thank you,
Amicus...
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I like this story, but I think there are a couple of grammatical accidents, so here goes.
para 1. Love the first sentence, second one's a bit clumsy. Try "When the phone rang, I wrapped a towel around myself, and, slipping and dripping, waddled over and caught up the receiver just before the caller rang off". It's a slightly better structure, but I love the way you use the "waddle", because it already leads the reader to expect either overweight or age as part of the character.
Para 4 be a little careful how you juxtapose your words here. It was the home and contents she left, and that's understood, but the way you've written it, it reads as if she's been left Westchester County and all its contents. not a huge mistake, and I am being very particular here, but lawyers are usually more meticulous in their spewech.
para 10; Rickety old wooden chair doesn't really need the commas, because it's a rhytmic and related set of adjectives. Second sentence, comma between "lady" and "and". This time because you are introducing a new perspective and description.
Final para; first sentence, comma between "away" and "as". Full stop after "year". Last word, "into" (you've made it two!
A really good opening, and it has the merit of revealing a little and suggesting a loy more. It's nicely paced, and it leads the reader gently into the meat of the story. overall, a good read.
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I like this story. Just going to read the rest of it. Well done.
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