Can't Help but Smile.

Dear Diary,1

I give up. At everything. I'm not who I want to be, I'm not who anybody wants me to be. 2

Thanks for holding all of my secrets, and letting me purge you with all of my silly tears. Thanks.3

-Delia4

Delia threw her diary on the ground and grabbed her purse. She rushed down the stairs and scurried out of the front door, letting it slam. Not caring that her mother had stuck her head out of the kitchen window and was fussing at her, she looked down at the sidewalk and kicked the rocks around as she walked. Unsure of where she was really going, she let her conscious guide her down the street, making several turns, and all the way up to ringing the doorbell of a familiar house. She suddenly jolted back to life as a familiar face opened the door. 5

"Deli? What are you doing here?" he questioned.6

"Jack, can I come in? I need to talk to you about something."7

"Err, of course you can. What's wro-"8

"I'll tell you in a second." she breathed, cutting Jack off. Without further hesitation, she stepped into his house and plodded up the stairs, Jack only a step behind.9

Delia jumped onto "her" bean bag, and waited as he took his place across from her in his own bean bag. He stared at her with a worried expression, and hummed to himself patiently while Delia settled down.10

"What's up?" He questioned.11

"Not me." A frown formed on her face, making little wrinkles in her forehead. She choked down a sob and looked up at Jack. There he was, her best friend. He was eighteen, and she sixteen, but they were inseparable. Well, until now. In just a few months, he would head off to college, and Delia would be left to finish high school alone and scared. 'It could be worse.' she reassured herself, and waited for his response.12

"What? What do you mean by that?..." his voice trailed off, obviously showing signs of worry.13

"Everything's so wrong. I mean, I told you about Chris dumping me, right?"14

"Deli, that was months ago. I thought you were over him?"15

"I am, I am. It's just..."16

"Just what?"17

"It's just, ever since he, you know, left, everything's been so different. I'm depressed all of a sudden."18

"You've never been happier Deli."19

"No I haven't. It's been horrible. Coach called out on me today. I could barely serve the ball over the net. He's benching me for the next two games."20

"For one lousy practice?"21

"Well, not exactly. You see, I've been out of it...lots of fouls and callouts for the team because of me. My stupid serve lost us the playoffs. And I didn't mean it, you know I didn't. I really wanted the championship, and I didn't even get the privilege of seeing the trophy, let alone hold it in my hands." A quiet sob broke out, and the tears started to stream down. 22

Jack jumped up out of his seat and crawled over towards Delia. He enveloped her in a big hug and rocked her back and forth as the tears fell. "It's okay, it's okay."23

"No, no it's not okay. I just want to die right now, dead serious." she cried. He pulled away from the hug, and brushed away the bangs that were covering her eyes. Jack gave Delia a long, hard, stare, his face cold as stone. She hated when he did this to prove a point. Then, after a few more silent moments, his eyes softened up and he spoke.24

"No, you don't. It's not the end yet. Don't give up on this. Don't give up on me."25

"But what's the point?" Her frown changed, almost angry now.26

"So now you're going to call it quits? You've already given up on guys for the next five years because of Chris. But now you're going to give up on life too? I don't think that's fair to anyone. Especially to you." Jake was screaming now, not to threaten or terrify his friend, but rather to cover up the fact that he was scared beyond his mind. The thought of Delia dying at only sixteen shook his heart, and anger was the first emotion he resorted to. A long moment of silence filled the cooped room, and Delia looked on the floor as Jack's words echoed through her head. She let out a huge sigh, and put on a very sorry face.27

"You're right. I shouldn't give up, but it seems so hopeless. I'm sorry for scaring you like that, I really am. I'm sorry." Jack had softened back up to the normal him, and he crushed Delia with a big bear hug. 28

"I'll prove it to you. I'll show you there's more to life than that disgrace Chris and a dumb Volleyball championship." Delia believed him. A smile erupted from her face, slowly, but steadily, and it didn't disappear as Jack pulled out the Xbox and the two friends played games for the rest of the night.29

For the next few months, Delia threw away all of her dark and impure thoughts. Every day was filled with sunshine, and Jack made sure of that. As soon as she got let out of school, her phone rang, him calling of course, and she walked over, sat down in "her" beanbag, and talked. He took her out to the city a lot more, letting her stay for some of his concerts and walking with her around the park. When things started to get rough, he was there, a smile on his face and arms to wrap around Delia with a big hug. She seemed normal now, herself, witty, bubbly, funny, charming. It was hard to imagine somebody other than who she was right now, and nobody wanted that to change. The past was untouchable to all those around Delia, and anyone who even mentioned it was taught a lesson. That was all about to change.30

It was one week before Jack left for school. Delia had forgotten all about it, but when she walked into his room and found everything packed, it all became suddenly clear. She crumpled into a corner, right then and there, and looked at the luggage piled up neatly in a row, mesmerized.31

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Deli, I just remembered last night, really." Delia tried her best to pull on a fake smile.32

"It's okay. When are you leaving?"33

"Next week."34

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll stop by then to say goodbye. See ya later." She jumped up from her corner and pranced to the door, pretending to be perfectly fine. Of course, Jack knew better than that. The second she left the house, he pulled his cell phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and dialed her number. 35

"Hello?"36

"Hey."37

"That's great, but this is my voicemail. Leave a message and I'll get back to you soon."38

Jack grimaced at the beep and hung up without leaving a message. He hated how he always fell for her little trick. Worse yet, he was there when she recorded it not too long ago. He dialed again and again, hoping for an answer each time, but receiving none. 39

On the other side of town, it was getting dark, and a light drizzle had started. Delia walked and walked until her own exhaustion caused her to take refuge on a park bench. She had ditched her phone earlier, not wanting to talk to anyone at that point. The bench, although wet and cold, felt strangely comforting, and here everything unwound. All of the good times and all of the wonderful places that Jack had shown her were now worthless. Everything would go back to the way it was, and Delia wasn't sure she could handle it. She buried her head in her knees and sobbed, completely alone.40

In a fury of rage, Jack slammed his cell phone on the ground, and grabbed his jacket. Instead of warming up his car, he didn't bother and just began walking. 'This is all my fault...' he thought to himself, his footsteps making a steady pace with the pouring rain. His eyes squinted desperately through the dark, looking for any trace of Delia. Finally, underneath a streetlight, he thought that he could see a figure burrowed on a bench.41

He ran across the street, really not caring at this point, and screamed her name out into the rain. "DELIA?!"42

"Jack? How did you find me?" her voice trailed off as she tried to wipe her tears and look at him with a straight face.43

"Not important. What is important is why you are out here crying all alone like this."44

"I don't think I can do this Jack."45

"Do what?"46

"When you leave, I think I'm just going to go back to the way it was before all of this. And I might do some things that I can't take back." Jack held her head in his hands and looked at her. 47

"Look around you Delia. You've made it this far. Don't do this to yourself. You'll never go back there, ever again."48

"You can't stop me when you're not there." she grumbled. 49

"Don't make me go there."50

"I will." Jack pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips against hers. Delia was shocked and had no time to pull him back. It was long and passionate, and all of the memories started to replay in her head. He had been there since the beginning. As little kids, he had let her win all the games of hide and seek, and as they grew older, the other girls were always wrong, she was perfect just the way she was. And during these last few moments, he had shown her things that she didn't know existed. Wonderful things, like how beautiful the city looks at night from atop a mountain, things like how even a loud electric guitar could produce the softest of notes and lull her to sleep. Most of all, he had shown her what love was like. Not the kinds of love that you read in romance novels, or the cheap spring flings that go nowhere. Real love. Love that had been there all along, and grew over the years. Love that kept the two friends together for so long, love that never faded away. It was foolish of her to realize this all now when it had been there all along, but it didn't matter. All that mattered to Delia was that Jack was here, with her, and that he was right. She would never go back there. The thunder crackled behind them, but he was consisted and kept the bond for a few moments longer before he pulled away.51

"You're amazing, you know that? It's only the middle. There won't be any trouble getting to the end, not for you. It's going to be okay."52

She believed him. He pulled her back for another kiss, and as they walked home, wet, hand in hand, Delia couldn't help but smile.53