“See you later, dude.”
That's the moment right there. When I think about it now, with that clear, 20/20, almost enlightened vision one only experiences when looking at the past, I think that moment mattered the most. We were younger back then, and things were different. But they had started to change even then, and we knew it. We felt it. The world had started to slip down that slope of cause and effect, that never-ending and unstoppable chain of events. The slowly grinding wheels of time creaking behind the stage. Creaking and picking up speed.
“Later, man,” I had said. It was a ridiculously understated goodbye, but it was all we could manage. The reality of the situation was there, looming over us, a giant reaching down and almost, but not quite, leaning on our shoulders. It was in the air above us and all around us. But it wasn't in our hearts. In that secret place we were still just Gabe and Jake, best friends, just hanging out. Even the insignia on our uniforms could not tell us any different.1
But, as they say, every story has a beginning. And this wasn't it. It is hard to say exactly what was the beginning. In some sense I suppose it must have been my birth, of course, or Jake's. I'm not talking about the true beginning you must understand. There is no point in following that chain of events further and further back into time, because it never stops. It will lead you into the dark abyss of forgotten eons, filled with skeletons and ruins, but it will never stop. There are links and more links and branches and sometimes maybe even a dead end. But however hard you tried you could never stop and point and say “This is it. This is where it started.” Because things never truly start. They only end.
The beginning I mean is the moment that my chain and Jake's chain met and became linked, intertwined one might even say. That is where I think the story started for us. The bigger story had been running for ever of course, and would keep on doing so, but there is a moment in it when my own personal part of it starts. Where I was drawn in. It was Jake, of course.2
I can't remember when we met for the first time and how it went. Even that magnified clearness of looking at the past is limited by memory, and in my memory, we have always been friends. There are vague shards of times before I knew Jake, but they are undefined and intangible. In some eerie sense it seems like a memory without Jake isn't a real memory at all, almost like only his presence can validate them.
Of course this would turn out to be true. My life would become defined in relation to him. But I did not know any of this back then. Back then we were just kids.3
The first link in the chain of our story, as best as I can tell, must have been the afternoon we were playing outside. Like many boys of our age, we liked to play army. We had little plastic guns and we ran around shouting “kaplooi!”, at least that was the way it looked to our parents and our neighbours. In our minds we were on a mission, hunting aliens - even though we knew they didn't exist (only it turned out they did, ha-ha, guess the joke's on us) – and we were very serious about it.
It was probably then that we had begun to forge the steel links in the chain of our future, steering us towards our destinations that were maybe, even then, already inevitable. Even memories this far back are encased in a kind of fuzzy haze, but the man with the grey moustache stands out very clearly. He came walking by as we were discussing an alien stronghold across the street, and he stopped. When I think back I sometimes imagine him wearing a uniform, but I'm not sure he really did. Maybe it was just my more recent memories retro-actively editing my earlier memories. It might have made sense for the man to wear a uniform, but reality sometimes doesn't adhere to sense. Uniform or not, the man's bearing and face clearly communicated he was military, and even us kids somehow understood that. He bent down to where we were lying in the grass (terra-imitated grass, of course, the real thing was only for rich people and government) and asked us if we had spotted any enemies. We told him there was an alien stronghold across the street. He chuckled at that, maybe wondering why kids insisted on fighting non-existent extraterrestrials when there were perfectly good rebels and criminals to fight, but then he hunkered down and stared grimly across the street.
“Well,” he said, touching his moustache as if it would grant him some arcane old-man wisdom, “I'd throw a smoke grenade. Then one of you should provide covering fire while the other assaults their position.”
His words were like magic to us and our eyes lit up. We said that was a great idea, especially because there was no air support. The man chuckled again.
“There never is, son.” He shook his head. “There never is.”
We did not understand the truth of that statement, not then. Some things you have to find out for yourself.
“Well, I have to get back to base,” the man said. “Good luck, soldiers.”
We said gee, thanks mister, but our minds were already back on the mission. Did the man know what he had set in motion? Maybe he did, most likely he didn't. We sure didn't. Later, we talked about the man and we mused over his influence on us, but right then, we were all about fighting the fight. We threw an imaginary smoke grenade and I stayed behind as Jake ran across the street.
In the weeks following, we went on many more missions, always shouting about how there was no damn air support, (feeling even more like tough soldiers when we said damn, as we somehow connected the military with bad language), I providing covering fire as Jake went forward.
Inevitably, we grew up, and running around with plastic guns and yelling “kaplooi!” made way for virtual wargames, and games made way for adulthood and girls. But the damage had been done. 4
A contest entry
- getting older by Amb0r.
250 points, ended September 8, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - "Tonight will end without sound..." by Noisome..
500 points, ended January 6, 29 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Citizen Soldier by VioletConcept.
700 points, ended July 8, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - War, In The Future! by Arbiter94.
450 points, ended June 29, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I'm a huge Title Junky, or whatever you call them, and I have a huge issue with titles that don't intrigue me. I would sugjest you coming up with a better title, one that would make someone read it because they've never read anything like this before. Now... I liked the story, it was flowing and easy to follow. You could oviously tell when he was talking about the past or present.
I enjoyed reading it, and I might read part two. 
Goodluck in the contest!
Vio -
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It's a working title. It will be changed eventually. I never start by thinking up the title, rather I write the story and a fitting title will spring up somewhere along the way. So far, for this story, it hasn't. But it will come. Until then, I will keep using this working title.
Thanks for the advice!
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All right. This was a really good story. It was remarkably well written and you could tell when the main character was talking about his present thoughts and his memories. There was an amazing amount of detail and I really enjoyed reading this. It pulled me in completely. Good job on this and please keep on writing!
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I love the tone and the mood and the overall.. -ness of this. It's so casual and the transitioning is so smooth. I like your details and how they're not overwhelming and it's also a little funny, which is great. I really enjoyed this and I thank you for entering it. (: Good luck and sorry it's taken me so long to comment. -Sarah.
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Good. I live stories like this. I like the ending. Sounds just like kids. The only thing that really bothered me was that there was no space between paragraphs. Anyway, good job!!
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I wanna know the rest of the story now!!! Keep goin CK I like it a lot! It's a way cool story and an excellent way to start out. Please for all that is good in this world keep going!
Elli
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Great
Very good story. I think your story would be easier to read, for me anyway, if you put some spaces between sentences. A few spaces would help so much. I love your story and I think it was very well written. The plot was great. I really hope you go father in this story, I feel as if these characters will make a great team. It was a great story and kept me intrigued. I love fiction stories so you have hooked me. The end in my mind ended abruptly, leaving me thinking that there had to be more to come. Nice descriptions. Keep writing, as I think you have the what it takes, and a little practice will help you to develop your writing even further. Once again a altogether wonderful story and I think you are an author worth looking into.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I enjoyed reading your story. After a slower beginning I became quite involved in it: I realized this was a remembering, yet found myself arguing with you about whether things had a beginning.... even if looked back from a haze-shrouded distance. One of the "real old timers", perhaps a Greek (Seneca?) said that whatever begins has an end - does that mean that everything then has to have a beginning? Even if we do not recall? So, you see I got quite involved in your story and enjoyed it, even 'though is is based on a relatively insignificant event in your life. I believe these are characteristics of a good writing. Continued good luck.
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Very good
Very good reading. But i sometimes had to backtrack as i got lost a couple of times. I think it might have had something to do with the tight writing. A little bit of seperation between sentences would help. I like your story a lot. The plot is very good. The characters will make a great team, if you plan on going further, which i think you should. The start was quite slow but it soon picked up pace enough to keep me intrigued. I like fiction stories concerning space and aliens so you have won me. The end in my view ended to sharply, leaving me thinking that there had to be more to come. Very good discriptions of both characters and scenery and you worked everything together nicely. It would be interesting to believe that there were aliens here, wouldn't there? I use to believe that when i was a little tike. Keep writing, especially in this genre as i think you have the knack for it, and a little practice and researching will help you to develop your style even further. I myself look on the net for ways to do this. You can find lots of helpful information to guide you in the right direction. Once again. A great story well written so put pen to paper and go forward.
beginning: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, characters: 3.
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Well written and good description, just space your paragraphs a little better for easiness of reading
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That's it???
We have a thing in Filipino called bitin.. (something like not getting what you want even if you've had the first few bites, or the first few steps, or the first few seconds experiencing it)... I enjoyed that so much, because I am at the point where I like looking back and seeing how far I have gotten (with friends, family, and life, in general) - then again, I still am not where i want to be (But yeah, the cliched "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence" might just be like that). I can so relate.. but I have to ask, is this it? Or do you have more planned? Because the truth is I think it can stand alone (IF you edit the last part), and yet with the story as is, you can add more to it as well..
Will you be continuing it?
I guess I have two stories to follow...
So go... Write
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I'm glad you like it. Actually, this is only the first part of a longer story. (The fact that it says pt1 in the title might give this away)
I've written a couple of pages more, but I haven't put it on SW yet. But, just for you, I'm putting it live right now
I'm pleased that this story instills a sense of memories and looking both back and forward at the same time, because that's exactly what I was aiming for. I wanted it to feel nostalgic, but at the same time make you wonder what was going to happen next.
I hope you enjoy part 2
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I've already read it before, but damn it's awesome! I can't wait to read the full story, you know that!
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