It's funny, how tears can fall at any time, sometimes they are noticed, sometimes they just blend in... with the rain. This is the story of a little girl, she is alone in the street. She is crying and the sun is shining yet no one notices her tears, she sits on the bench alone and watches the people going past. She likes it when it rains, when God sends all of those extra tears from the sky to make hers a little more powerful yet still noone notices her, the little girl on the bench. She is about 8, a pretty little thing in a Blue coat and gloves with light blonde fair hair, she will be pretty when she is older. She sits on that faded brown bench every day but at night she hides, not far away though... just under a climbing frame, there's a nice bit of wood you see, to hide her from the wind, and the policemen that walk at night.1
She doesn't like it at night that's when all the drunks are staggering home shouting loudly, she gets scared. What if they decided to run in to the park again like last time and throw the bottles at the walls. It was only a few nights ago, she had gone under her climbing frame with a few papers to lie on when she heard them coming. She daren't move because the bad men would see her and they will be mean to her. So she just laid there, still... little heart pounding against her chest then SMASH as the bottle one of the men was holding hit the wood of the frame she hid under. She nearly screamed and if it hadn't been for her outright fear she might have. She bit her lip, hard and tasted blood. They couldn't find her here, they might do bad things to her, at that moment one of the policemen walking round the area saw them and told them off and they all went away leaving her alone again in the park crying herself to sleep. She daren't make too much noise though she didn't want to be found, if anyone had happened to go in the park by the frame they would see a little girl shaking from the cold and her own sorrow with tears running silently down her dimpled cheeks. 2
Crying herself into her final sleep, and the world that night... it cried with her.
Author notes
http://bunnis.deviantart.com/art/Lost-86177879
A contest entry
- "Lost " - picture prompts **Now accepting prewrites** by Melancholic Smile.
625 points, ended September 25, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - On the street by Hellcat Metal.
530 points, ended April 28, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What title would you have given this?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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"Crying herself into her final sleep, and the world that night... it cried with her." That was such a great line! I loved this! It not only tells about this little girl, but in such a short time you actually feel for her and get connected with her. The way you wrote it made it seem like she was almost talking. Thanks for entering! This was great!! =D
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I liked this, it was really sad and I hope you might think about continuing it. You could turn this into a great story with some explanation behind why she was so young and homeless, had she run away or been thrown out, or was there just no family for her? You wrote about her sense of fear well and left it with a sad ending. I did notice some typos that would make it flow better if you fixed, also a few places where the sentences were quite long and could do with being broken up or comma's or semi colons used. Overall it's a good short story, thanks for entering
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This is sad and emo-ish... But I like it.
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Geoff it was a good peice of writing, but was this it? Are you planning on continueing or just stopping there? Why did you write it anyway? Was it just to get it out, write out something you needed to write out or is it an idea you are hoping to continue?
It was really good. I love your discriptions and they way you write its unique to you.
Elli -
Wow i love it very good mm i would of called it rain
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I think the title fits perfectly....Or maybe Teardrops from Heaven? Or just Teardrops? Or Fallen Teardrops?
Ah, well, I'm no good at titles!
This was beautiful. The way you tied in the tears and the rain was perfect. So was the plot.
Absolutely beautiful, in a sad way.
Great work!
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
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very well written very sad no one is two words
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Wow! That was incredibly sad. I was waiting for some sort of explanation of why the little girl was homeless, but I think it works well this way. And I love the way you described the rain as extra tears from heaven. Very well done!!
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First off I think the title fits, second this was wonderfully written. I liked it a lot. It was really good. Really nicely done. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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Super sad...and yet beautiful...I love it!
I don't know if I can say anything else, really!
Good job! Can't wait to see more!
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This is Awesome.. veyr sad though.. but awesome, i love it!
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This is really beautiful, sad ofc but beautiful. I feel for the little girl, I feel her fear. You're a very good writer.
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