Sixteen hours ago when Farley brought his suspicions with files to back them up to Taylor’s attention, his Captain had been ecstatic. 1
Captain Hector Taylor was certain he’d just been handed the means to get himself noticed at One Police Plaza; he might even get the opportunity to catch the Mayor’s ear. He’d almost salivated as he discussed strategy with Farley. His first major obstacle would be jurisdiction. True, several of the deaths, along with other situations tied the victims to his jurisdiction. Then to, it was his detectives who traced the connections and uncovered what looked to be Serial Killings.2
That had been yesterday, this morning things didn’t look so promising. The ax was about to fall and Joe Farley had spent the last twenty minutes waiting with Taylor who’d been ripping Farley a new one for interfering with 61’s investigation.3
In the confines of the numerous precincts of the mammoth city, it was a well-documented fact that an official visit from One Police Plaza meant trouble. The more ‘fruit salad’ pinned on the uniform of the visitor, the more trouble you were in.4
Deputy Chief Rafael Carbonetti, the byproduct of a Mexican mother and Sicilian father, walked with the swagger of an important man under five seven. His hundred and forty five pounds bounced up and down as if attempting to match Sergeant Bradley Benson’s six two height as they walked down the hall of precinct 66.5
Without waiting for an introduction Carbonetti threw the door open and moved quickly into the room just as Captain Hector Taylor, raised a twenty pounds over regulation size body from his newly inherited over priced swivel chair.
Carbonetti, whose size didn’t prevent his tone from reaching just an octave over the massive Taylor, immediately took charge of the conversation. “Since when does a two bit sergeant inject himself into another precinct’s investigation? And you, Taylor? Since when did you stop running this precinct.” 6
Benson just shrugged his shoulders at Farley and paused a couple of steps into the room to shut the door. They’d known each other too long for either to suspect the other had hand in what was occurring.7
What little respect Farley had for Hector Taylor completely dissipated as he watched the man shrink into his own skin. Carbonetti, waved one hand at Taylor and the Captain moved away from his desk relinquishing his throne to Carbonetti.8
In deference to the Deputy Chief the other men parked stiffly in chairs. 9
Carbonetti rapped his fingertips on the desk as if typing the words that exploded from his mouth. “You stirred up a hornets nest Farley. Just what the Mayor needs in an election year. Ten deaths in six months classified as suicides, now you tell us they are more likely murders. Oh the press would love to get a hold of that. “ The no smoking ban had been in effect for years. Carbonetti lit up and tossed the package of Camels on the desk. No one took the offer and he smoked alone.10
He motioned towards the phone, as he went on, “The Chief and the Commissioner are in conference at Gracie Mansion as we speak. We’ll be hearing from them soon. Now, I want to see all the paper work you have on this Farley. “11
Before Farley could answer, Taylor was out of his chair, took the two steps to reach his desk and moved the neatly piled folders Farley had given him the day before in front of Carbonetti.12
So Farley gagged back his, “They’re right there.” He let the hand he intended to motion with drop back in his lap. Everyone sat silently as the Deputy Chief acquainted himself with the questionable suicides. Still, though the paperwork kept flipping over, it appeared to Farley, Carbonetti wasn’t all that intent on what he was reading. His interest lay more in the desk phone his glance kept shifting towards.13
Captain Taylor had remained standing, ready to explain any question Carbonetti might have. Taylor’s eyes never left the phone. Farley had a vision of the ring that would create the scuffle as the two men tried to be the one to answer it.. Size didn’t give Taylor the edge because his opponent was small and swift.14
Carbonetti’s nasty habit of waving other men off came into play again as he flipped his right hand at Taylor, who sporting a sullen frown returned to his chair.15
Detective sergeant Benson was obviously following Farley’s example. He kept his mouth shut, and waited for the rest of the backlash to fall on him. After all Farley’s poking into the Michelle Baine Case, his case, started the hullabaloo they were involved in. Joe felt sorry for the guy. He knew Brad had sweat blood to earn his Detective’s shield. Only four years into his career, Benson didn’t have the thick hide, Farley’s twenty years of department politics had provided him.16
Suddenly the tones of ‘America the Beautiful’ erupted in the air and the startled men sat straighter. Carbonetti shoved away from the desk, pulling a cell phone from the belt holder at his waist. He was already talking into it, as he headed for the hall.17
“Guess we wait.” Farley said. Apparently they weren’t going to be privy to even Carbonetti end of the conversation.18
Benson sighed. Taylor glared. Benson said, “Think I could sneak past him, maybe round up some coffee?”19
“He does sort of make you feel like an adolescent,” Farley snickered as he got up and walked out the door. He threw back the promise, “I’ll get some coffee.”20
Farley had to keep an appointment with his two junior grade detectives. He’d planned on joining them this morning on a hunt for Michelle’s lover but now that seemed out of the question. He met them just entering his office.21
“I’m tied up with Brass,” he said.22
“We heard, “ Hamlin said. “You need some backup?” The generous grin on young man’s face made Farley feel some better.23
“I may need a coffin.” Farley joined in their laughter. 24
“So what can we do Sarge?” Hayes asked. 25
"Burn some shoe leather. Try to locate Michelle Baine's boyfriend. Pretty sure his first name is Hal. Try Goodson or Goodwin anything starting with Good for the last—but don’t depend on just that. You have already been to Michelle’s office. Start by canvassing a ten-block area around there with her picture and the sketch we have of him. Hit the retail stores and the restaurants. They may have met for lunch.”26
Hayes rolled his eyes, but Hamlin answered, "Sure thing, Sarge. We’ll get right on it. "27
Farley then confiscated a pot of fresh coffee and almost took just three cups, but realized the childishness of that action, and took another. He headed back to Taylor’s office.28
He hadn’t been absent long enough; Carbonetti was coming towards him flipping the cell phone closed and mumbling. They met at Taylor’s door. Surprising Farley, Cabonetti opened the door for him.29
“Suppose we can all do with some coffee,” the Deputy Chief said. “While I lay out the plans on how the Chief wants this handled.”
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Great
Continues to hold my interest, I like the police mens job, they have to work with a lot of junk to get to the truth of the matter, seems a lot rides on solving one case. I like the radio part also it has much to offer the police.
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Howdy!
I'm glad you like the way we're developing the story. I really had no idea going in at the beginning what our story would become. I'm very happy with the way it's turning out. I hope that you'll be as well.
Thanks for reading us and all the applause.
Andy
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except for the fruit salad refernce--which i didn't get--but,it doesn't really matter much,anyway. This reads well,Iam sure that someone else here is providing all the corrections so i will continue as i have been.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Miss Beach!
I hadn't become very comfortable with making corrections when we were geeting critiqued on this at the beginning. I didn't go back and edit some of these chapter. Sooner or later, well have to give the whole thing another good going over.
By 'fruit salad', I believe Geri is referring to the medals and ribbons worn on the policemen's dress uniform.
Andy
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I forgot to mention this on Geri's page, but the first sentence to paragraph six is awkward to. It's awkward in the same way as the first two paragraphs (I mention that-well I guess I actually rant, I guess-on Geri's page), like something's missing. Or maybe not 'missing' but the full description isn't being told.
'walked with the swagger of an important man under five seven' is the most awkward. Maybe elaborate just a very slight bit on his swagger, then mention why it's such an important swagger. (I'm assuming it's because he's a short ugly bastard with self-esteem issues.) Ha! I'm not much taller. But I'd say I'm a hell of a lot prettier!...Couldn't resist...
Did you know the paragraph number and the last two characters in the paragraph make three consecutive sixes? OOOOOO, spooky...
Check out my other comment, it's better than this one..
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Three sixes--okay no wonder we changed the name
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So glad you are finding time to continue reading and editing.
Geri
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Hi!
Sorry you had problems with this chapter. We're working on a second draft and it is nearing this point. It's a good time to be analyzing this part of the story.
Sorry you had a rough night.
It does make 666 at the end of paragraph six. I hadn't noticed. I don't think much about the mark of the beast.
Thanks for your careful reading of this chapter.
Andy
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Very interesting insight into the police department goings on. Makes me wonder about the politics involved in policework. I'm glad Farley is still taking the initiative to follow up on leads. He does seem the type. The one thing I'm not sure about is the fact that you introduce an unexpected problem with no lead-in and then potentially solve it all in one chapter. I think I almost got whiplash.
Other than that, this is still shaping up to be an excellent tale. I can't wait for them to nab that bad guy. 
Notes:
* Para 2: You use both "Taylor" and "Captain" to definie Captain Hector Taylor before you've properly introduced him, and it kind of made my wee little head spin. *laughs*
* Para 3: Try adding a comma after "other situations." Also, "Then to" should be "too" and I'm not sure you need to capitalize "Serial Killings." It's not a proper noun, is it?
* Para 4: Your first sentence is two sentences; try a semicolon instead of a comma. And what is "61's"?
* Para 7: Ack! You are in need of some hyphens, my friend - and one comma. Try this: "Without waiting for an introduction, Carbonetti threw the door open and moved quickly into the room just as Captain Hector Taylor [delete the comma here, please
] raised a twenty-pounds-over-regulation-size body from his newly-inherited over-priced swivel chair." That will help clear up all of those dangling adjectives, I think.
* Para 12: Punctuation...
Use a period after "as he went on," a comma in "on this, Farley" and eliminate the space before the final quotation mark. [Apologies...I'm a bit of a punctuation junky 
]
* Para 14: Skip the "So" at the beginning here - I don't think it's necessary.
* Para 15: You have an extra period in this paragraph.
* Para 17: Add a comma after "After all" and remove the one after "thick hide."
* Para 19: You're missing a posessive: "to even Carbonetti's end of..."
* Para 24: "The generous grin on young man's face" - do you mean "the young man's face"? It would make a bit more sense.
* Para 30: You misspelled Carbonetti's name as "Cabonetti" here.
* Para 31: Try this: the Deputy Chief said, "while I lay out..." It's really a continuation of the previous sentence, after all.
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Thanks Irish
Well, I am still trying to catch up on the editing. You find more mistakes than I'd expect. You are very good at proofing, but I am slow at editing. I really appreciate it. It is difficult to believe I read past all these errors.
So you like our story, so far? I'm glad to hear that. It is good to have a loyal fan.
Andy -
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I always enjoy following good stories written by friends. So loyal, yes - but also unfortunately crunched for time. I have so much to catch up on yet!
And always happy to lend my editorial pen. I make sure to use green ink instead of red - less intimidating.
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Behind the scenes look...
...at the inner workings of a Police Precinct, recently watched a film about a serial killer, they brought in a renegade investigator, your portrayal reminds me of that and all the infighting and even corruption that goes on.
Nice background chapter...
Been occupied for a while...five whole pages of old notes to catch up on...sighs....a pain sometimes, but yes, I am following this story even though mystery and murder is something I neither write nor read with any regularity...
amicus...
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Thanks Amicus
Thanks for continuing this. I don't write stories like yours, but I may start trying. I really enjoy your writing.
We decided against having a task force and left it to Farley and Benson to handle with their respective subordinates. We're going to have to flesh it out some more to make it the length we want it. It will be interesting. Geri is a much better writer than I am. She takes the skeleton and gives it life.
I read through this from beginning to end yesterday and it really works pretty well. I'm impressed with how it's developing.
Andy.
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This is very well written, The detail exquiste and in all the right places. I felt as if I was reading an actual novel ~ very well done
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Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I very much appreciate it.
This is a collaboration between Geri and me. I tend to write the bare bones and she adds flesh to the story, so the detail you can attribute mostly to Geri. I'm glad you like this.
Andy
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