Garnet was at the train tracks in the woods a couple miles from her house. She usually met her friends there. Alexa and Alice would meet her to talk out the latest gossip from all over town in relative solitude.1
It was already five o'clock, and they weren't here yet.2
“I wonder what's keeping them” Garnet thought.3
“They usually get here at about four thirty. Oh well, I guess I'll wait 'till a quarter past, then go home.”4
The seconds passed by on her digital watch, turned into minutes, and then disappeared into the eternity of past.5
Thirteen after....6
Fourteen....7
“Well, that's it... Time to go.”8
She placed a quarter on the railroad track, halfway for fun, to pick it up later once it had been flattenned, and halfway to let her friends, if they arrived later, know that she had been there. They usually just left a penny, but she thought she might see what a quarter looked like smashed.9
It was about an hour walk back home, so she took the bus which didn't end up saving her much time, because it went all over town before her stop.10
She picked the key up from under the doormat.11
“That's right... Mom and Dad are out to dinner tonight... They said they wouldn't be back until late.”12
She laughed “That means it's popcorn, pizza, and movies night for me!”13
She settled down on the couch in front of the big screen TV after popping some popcorn in the microwave and a few personal pizzas into the oversized toaster oven, but annoyingly enough, there wasn't anything good on.14
After watching about three hours of “Friends” re-runs, Garnet realized that Saturday Night Live was on, even though it was Wednesday, and so she popped some more popcorn and watched it until midnight.15
Then she cleaned up and went to bed.16
The next morning, she awoke to the smell of waffles, bacon and eggs. Thinking that it was both Saturday and Summer, she promplty went back to sleep and only later realize that it was actually Thursday.17
When she next woke up, it was about noon, and the smell of waffles had long since been replaced by the smell of what she thought of as toxic chemicals, known to her mother as air freshener.18
Coughing, Garnet got up, got dressed, took a long shower, and spent about an hour putting on makeup. She didn't know why she did it, but there was always the chance that she might meet someone at the mall...19
When she came downstairs, she yelled out she was going to the mall to meet her friends, and was about to leave when her dad called out “Wait a minute, come here for a sec. Honey! Look at this.”20
They were watching the news, which was currently showing images of a train lying on its side in flames and a reporter spewing random babble about it.21
Her father continued “Apparently, somebody put some change on the track, and when the train hit it last night, because it was slowing down to stop, it just derailed it and it fell over on its side, smashing into a couple trees! Nobody survived! Is that a one in a million chance or what??”22
“Well, go have fun with your friends, honey! Don't kill anyone!” her mother laughed.23
Her mother always said that. It seemed to Garnet that it must have had something to do with the ever popular “Teenage Suicide” scare that all parents seemed to be worried about.24
“I will” Garnet yelled, as she jogged out the door, grabbing her purse that was previously resting on the staircase.25
Two hours later, Garnet was at the train tracks she had been at the day before. She surveyed the scene. Only shattered glass, scattered over the clearing, remained. Embedded in a tree, just about twenty feet from where she had left it, was a quarter, with half of it thinned almost to a point. She pulled it out of the tree, walked to the nearby bus stop, and went to the mall to meet Alice and Alexa.26
Author notes
Life is nasty, brutish, and short.
Death is freedom.
The nihilist is dead to everything but death itself.
Is the nihilist then free?
No.
The nihilist is even further enslaved to his own reasoning.
In a society where pseudo-subjectivism pervades every nook and cranny, where can we escape but in nothingness?
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Thank you.
Thank you very much for your helpful observations! In retrospect, I realize that, yes, I do lose the more detailed, introspective approach to everything that I begin the story with.
Some things in the story, I certainly do need to ammend, however, I think that I will leave the quarter as the cause of derailment and leave the forest actually unchanged, creating a sense of pseudo-reality in the story, which further accentuates the seeming inhumanity, and at the same time humanity, of apathy.
I also plan to revise the middle to make it more abstract and less like the realistic doldrum that life is. -
WOW!! You have major talent I am speechless. Great write, I saw the title and feel in love at first sight and HAD to read this, and I am so glad I did. Great imagery, and meaning, and I liked the points you were got to get across. Great job , and keep writing, wouldn’t want the world to collapse without your brilliant mind! Best of wishes and great great job !!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry, I overlooked the errors, though they're were a few I wont mention them becuse the story was so so great! I'm not good at editing anyways, hehe it could be perfect and I'm just stupid. Anyways, great stry!!!!!!! I'll buy you're book when you're famous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -
Stylistically, this is wonderful.
Everything--alliterative and metaphorical techniques, and the overall way you began and ended your story--ties together nicely to produce one very masterful piece..
full of metaphors and illusion
i loved it!
~jag~ -
That means it's popcorn, pizza, and movies night for me!”... you just gave me a craving for pop corn!
It started out so strong! What happened? It felt as though you were in a hurry to finish, and so you just started telling the story instead of showing it like you started out doing.
There are also some discrepancies in the story. First of all... the reader will find it hard to swallow that a coin on the tracks could derail a train, but, even if they do suspend disbelief to get to the end, there is no way that they would be able to determine so quickly the cause of the derailment. It would take weeks of investigation, and there is also no way that the disaster could be cleaned up so quickly. I used to work for a company (Westside International) that cleans up hazmat spills when trains derail. They are one of only a few companies in the world that specializes in that, and have traveled all around the world with special equipment for it.
I really liked your style in the beginning. I would love to see you expand this and research your subject so that you can get the details believeable. The idea that this girl is not even phased by the fact that she caused such a life shattering calamity is really cool. -
This is a good story. I thought the friends died, but it was much worse. this was a good story with a surprising ending and a good message. Fantastic job.
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