They huddled in the corner of the bedroom, holding each other while they cried. At the age of young with no understanding they struggled to come to terms with what they were feeling, from what they were seeing. Previously locked onto one another’s clear seeing eyes, they lost themselves there for over an hour. 1
‘I love you.’2
‘I love you.’3
They each whispered to one another. Leaning in closer their lips locked for a short long moment that went longer in their confused heads then in real life time. Moving away tears slid from her eyes, trailed across the curves of her cheeks and dripped from her chin as one followed the other, falling over the small smile on her lips.4
His hands came from the darkness and wiped them away as his own fell free and bounced from his cheeks to the floor between them. Closing a hand over her arm he slid it up and down over her goose-bump skin before pulling her in, wrapping small strong arms around her shaking body. 5
‘If I could find a way-.’6
‘To tear you from the ceiling.’7
They breathed into each others ears, breath hot and sending shivers down her spine he pulled her closer.8
‘I’d freeze us both in time and find a brand new way of seeing your eyes forever glued to mine.’ His voice was soft and tender as he spoke to her, emotion tugging at the corners of his lips, husking his voice and catching it mid-spoken in his throat coming out cracked and broken.9
‘Don’t go and leave me and please don’t drive me blind. Don’t go and leave me and please don’t drive me blind.’ She repeated it twice, she didn’t want him to live her, take his eyes from hers so she couldn’t see any longer, and she needed his on hers to feel emotion. 10
They fell into each other with a sigh of unspoken feelings of emotions towards the other and spent all night there, huddled in a corner as they both cried. 11
‘I love you.’12
‘I love you.’
Author notes
done
a. Your favourite genre(s) of music- metal core, punk, indie :]
b. Your favourite band/artise.- at the mo um japanese music but um um um placebo ♥
c. Your favourite song emotion (depressing, happy, romantic, etc.)-depressing emotion indepth lyrics like jimmy eat world and incubus music hehehe
Prompt: "If I could tear you from the ceiling, I’d freeze us both in time and find a brand new way of seeing your eyes forever glued to mine. Don’t go and leave me and please don’t drive me blind. Don’t go and leave me and please don’t drive me blind."
~Blind by Placebo~
In a list
A contest entry
- ♫Let's Have a Sing Along (Song Line Prompts)!!!♪ by Iridescent Love.
175 points, ended May 30, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Beautiful pain by Writing0Freedom.
541 points, ended May 7, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
breaking down
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I think this could use some editing. The first paragraph has spots where sentences don't make alot of sense.
" Leaning in closer their lips locked for a short long moment that went longer in their confused heads then in real life time."
I think I get what you are trying to say but I think you could rephrase it a bit. It isn't very clear and the wordyness takes away from the strength of the line.
"Moving away tears slid from her eyes"
Maybe take out the 'away' and that would make this line stronger.
The description is very good, and it is very beautifully written. I think it could use a little polishing. Try reading it out loud to yourself to see that all the sentences don't read funny and go over it and make sure the reader won't be confused. It is a strong piece and with a little work , if you message me if you choose to work on it , I will reread and maybe make it a finalist. I did really want to know more though by the end.
Thanks for entering!
WritingFree -
wow... this was just .. so amazing.... just wow ..... i didnt wanna stop reading... i wanna know why he's leaving
nawww
love smells *blocks nose*
wub u and GREAT write... keep up the awsumtastic work wubwubwubwubwubw xzxzxxxxxxxxx
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for a 'prompt' write...
...that discovery of a kindred soul can be quite an experience and you related it well...a moment of discovery unlike any before and any that will follow and worthy of being remembered and captured in words...
amicus...
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Emotive, but sadly lacking in descriptive - I really want stories that have both in equal quantities. And alas, your story is under 400 words - I requested that stories be at least 400 words. Under that is too short to be able to adequately describe and elicit emotion.
Better luck another time.
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