O Sworded One

Keliko is a warrior.  He has swords.  And he goes into wars with them.  And the last time he did it he came out alive, so now he likes to go sailing with his mother and catch wild fish.  And when he's done catching wild fish, he goes back home and practices sword fighting.  He's practicing for the next war that's going to come.  His favorite movie is the Lion King, because he sees himself as the leader of a pride and the battlefield is his savanna.  1

    One morning he got up to hunt, and he caught three bears and a rabbit.  He made a rabbit stew and he gave all the bear meat to his dogs to eat.  He made a coat out of one bear skin, a hat out of another, and with the last he made a blanket.  He gave all these to his mother in exchange for the Lion King soundtrack, which is very hard to come by in the sixth century.  2

    Then he went to the store.  A man in the store ran up to him immediately and cried, 'THE WAR IS STARTING!  GET OUT YOUR MULTITUDE OF SWORDS!  PLEASE SAVE US, O SWORDED ONE!'  So Keliko threw open his trench coat and chose two swords from the dozen that were hanging there.  He said, 'Dun dun dun, DUN!' and RAAAAAN OUT OF THERE! 3

     Two bogies were waiting for him outside the store.  Keliko shouted, 'Haheeeeya!' And killed them both in one hit.  Then his mother ran up and said, 'mmmph,' because there were fish guts stuffed in her mouth.  But she took off her bear skin coat and threw it around her son's shoulders.  4

    'This is a magic coat!'  She told him.  5

    'No it's not,' Keliko replied, 'I made it myself.'  6

    'But,' the mother said, 'I added some magic powder to it.  This new coat will let you put your enemies to sleep!'  7

    'But mother, I still don't understand something,' Keliko said. 8

    'What's that, my son?'9

    'How can you talk through all of those fish guts all of a sudden?  And by the way, I'm surprised that the bad guys were able to stuff them in your mouth while you were wearing this magic coat.' 10

    'OH SON!'  She laughed.  'I put the fish guts here myself!  They are extraordinary black head removers.  But while wearing the sleepy coat I could only mumble, because I'm extra sensitive to drowsiness.'  11

    Suddenly, a new bogie appeared to be rushing Keliko.  But Keliko leaped into the air and thrust the two swords down into the bad guy's head!  Then he ran to the other bad guys and sliced them in half.  Blood was everywhere so he went home to take a bath and to clean his swords.12

    When he was finished, he picked up a book and began to read.  It was called, 'The Lion King'.  13

    After the book he ran out and practiced some more.  He was just about to slice off a tree branch when a squirrel ran up his pants and bit him.  'OUCH!  Why dost thou nip me, fuzzy one?'  14

    Then the squirrel climbed out through the fly of the pants, perched himself on Keliko's shoulder and began to speak.  'Thou hast nearly destroyed mine home.  Now thou must die.'  15

    Keliko chuckled, for he knew the squirrel had no chance against his swords.  'HiYOW,' he screamed, and swept the sword straight through fuzzy one...and his own neck.  16

    The moral of this story, is about saving people.  Coming soon, the next chapter!  Entitled: 'Moshorpinake; Mother of O Sworded One.'17