I walked through the lonesome streets. Through the fog and the rain. I was drenched in water. But I had to reach it. It was my destiny, what I was put on this earth to do. I could feel it luring me towards it. Like some evil power was making me do this. And there it was, under the half-lighten light post. Sitting there, inconspicuously, it told me to come. I had to. I had no other choice. I came all this way to see it, and now, I face my future. 1
"Sir, I have come, through the heaviest blizzards, the toughest rain storms, through thick and thin. But I have made it," I said to it" It said nothing. Maybe that was because it had nothing to say. 2
My friend, Roger finally had caught up with me. 3
"Oh, shut your mouth, Phil, you drove here in a car," He said.4
I whispered,"Don't tell it that, I wanted it to think the best of me!"5
"Phil, you are nuts! You're crazy. What do you see under that light post!" he said.6
"I see a great, noble, honorable thing," I said back to him. Did he not realize what this was!7
"Phil, its a block of cheese! Its cheese!" he shouted to me through the heavy rain fall.8
"Yea, but not any cheese, the best Swiss-American cheese you can get, and its unavailable in the United States!" I said back to him. How dare he talk like that about my master. The one that will save my life in the near future. I was told to see it from a fortune teller back in Los Angeles. 9
"Phil, let's get you home, you are a nervous wreck. I can't believe that you have come to this. You are talking to a piece of cheese for Christ's sake!" he shouted at me. 10
"Fine, but I am coming to see it tomorrow. Wait for me near the car. Let me say a few words to it." I said.11
As he started to walk towards the car, I got my courage to go up to it. It was so beautiful, sitting there. It glimmered in the rain. Well, maybe that is because a dog had just recently took a piss on it, but it was still beautiful. Then it spoke to me:12
"Hey, toots, get over here, come on, get closer, 'ya filthy animal." 13
"Yes sir, what am I to do for you?" I said. I was so honored that I was in his presence. I wanted to scream, just scream!14
"Okay, listen to me. you have to go 3rd and 5th street. There, you will find the goods you are looking for. I have sat here for the past few years of my life, waiting for someone to come along and talk to me. And you have finally come. Hey come on sweaty pie, toots, you have saved me, all I ask of you is to get me out of the rain." he said to me.15
I picked him up and brought him to shelter under the porch in front of Bob's Pizza Hut. A man walked by and shouted to me.16
"Ya crazy psycho path! You need help when you're talking to a hunk of cheese!" Then he muttered, "What have hobos come to these days."17
I ignored the comment that the man had said to me and concentrated on reality. 18
"Thank you oh so graciously. I hope you get to 3rd and 5th street safely." the cheese mold said to me.19
"No, thank you!" I shouted as I walked away towards the car. I knew that tomorrow everything would be different. I would have what I need to succeed through life.20
Morning had finally come. I had waited forever, and not gotten much sleep. Roger was still sleeping. When I got him to wake up, he said that he would be ready in a few minutes.21
"If we are going to go see more cheese today, I'm strangling you." he said. I did not know what we were going to see today. I hoped it wasn't cheese, because I did not feel like getting strangled today.22
As we were driving in the car, Roger decided to turn on the car radio. I sat there, relaxed and ready for today's adventure. The song, "Cheese is my Saviour" started playing. I enjoyed it a lot, but it seemed like Roger didn't.23
"Damn cheese! What is it with cheese. Phil is talking to cheese, cheese is on the radio. And why was the damn block of cheese wearing a big black trench coat." Then a few seconds of silence occurred. "Ya know what? I don't care. I don't want to know that answer. I want to go home to Los Angeles and get out of this wretched town. I don't even know where we are!"24
Why was he getting so mad? It was what I had to do. I had to reach my destination before I could go back home.25
Finally, we got to 3rd and 5th. 26
"Roger, stay in the car, I'll handle this." I said to him.27
"No, Phil, I want to see this. I want to know what other food products you are going to meet."28
Roger and I walked out of the car. I did not see anyone or anything in site. I decided to try the dark alley behind Walgreens. There, it was. The glamorous apple pie. It sat in the corner of the deserted alley.29
"Oh My god! Now you are going to talk to a god damn cherry pie! You are nuts Phil! You are nuts."30
"Its not cherry, its apple. And no, I'm not nuts. I came here for a reason. Either support it or leave," I said to him. That was the meanest thing I had ever said to anyone.31
"I support it Phil, I support it."32
I walked to the pie slowly, every few seconds to look back at Roger. He was a weird fellow. 33
"Hey, son, I have what you need. Don't fret my boy, for it will all be okay." She had an old lady voice and it was soothing to my ears. There was a paper bag sitting next to it. I picked it up. There it was inside. Ah, the relief I felt. 34
"Thank you so much." I added as I walked away from the pie.35
"No, problem my deary, I hope to see you again." the pie shouted. 36
"Phil, we came all this way. Will you at least let me know what you needed so bad to drive over a thousand miles."37
I opened the bag and slowly pulled it out. I showed it to Roger with a happy smile on my face. his reaction was not at all like mine. I quickly shoved it in the bag and was about to run for my life when he exploded.38
"We came all this way Phil. All this way for a damn envelope! A god damn envelope! You can buy one of those at the store! Why in gods name would you want an envelope. Tell me Phil, because I really want to know." I was so blown away from what he had said, that I forgot why I even needed it. Then I remembered.39
"I had to mail a letter to my mother, and its Christmas, the stores are closed."40
He stormed off to the car, and I was smart enough to keep a far away distance from him. Then, I remembered.41
"Today is Christmas," I said aloud to myself. "The post offices are closed. I must go visit my mother in Australia before the end of the day." I had to do this. I must do this. I know that I will meet many more pies and much more cheese on my next adventure. They would help me along the way.42
"Hey, Roger, We must do one more quick thing on our way home, okay?"43
Author notes
Yay, this story is funny! well, kinda, its actually pretty strange! yay woopdie! haha hehe Okie Im bored Bye
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Great
that was very interesting. It was humorous, but I found myself more ntrigued than humored.But it was a wonderful write, all the same. Good job. -
Original pops into my mind as I read this. Not your everyday kind of tale. I am not sure what else to say. Enjoyable? Yes, entertained I was. It was worth the time it took to read it.
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This story was funny, in a strange sort of way. You know, when the cheese starts talking, it's time to leave.
Great story, your writing skills are superb.
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Great story to start my morning! It is full of fun and I am so glad I ventured by it. Write on, storyteller....
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NIce for a story
Im not much for storys more into poems, but this made me laugh nice piece of work! coming from a writer who HATES stories thats a goodcompliment.
Michael -
Excellent!
The apple pie/ cheddar cheeze syndrome...,
I know it well, it can be maddening!
Wonderful write. -
Imaginative and amusing. I find food mostly talks when its inside me. I was hoping for a detailed feast at the end, with food products clamouring to be devoured. Perhaps not; most of us need to diet.
Ladie Lee, a grammatical point of order;
The pun on deserted when your talking about apple pie.
You meant, of course; 'you're talking'. -
thanx a bunch. Yet taht was a pun. First one to notice it! yay! Thanx for reading my story thoroughly! I appreciate it. Thanx a bunches, Rachal
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Mildly entertaining in a "Dude Where's my Car" sort of way, not my thing but typical of this generation. Now for typo's
"I ignored the comment that the man had said to me and concentrated on reality." Should have been: "I ignored the comment that the man had made to me" 'Said' makes it redudant.
Also:
And why was the damn block of cheese wearing a big black drench coat." I think you mean 'trench' coat, but of course this could be a joke I'm just missing.
Something I like, although I don't know if it was intentional was:
The glamorous apple pie. It sat in the corner of the deserted alley.
The pun on deserted when your talking about apple pie. Of course it could have been an accident on your part, don't know.
Nice effort.
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Hm...good work, I suppose. Not something you read everyday.
It appears nobody caught your typos.
In the first or second paragraph, you spelled said wrong. You spelled it as sad.
In the sixth paragraph (Phil, you are nuts! Your crazy. What do you see under that light post!" he said.) Your crazy should be you're. Your=possesive. You're= same thing as you are.
In,"Phil, lets get you home, you are a nervous wreck. I can't believe that you have come to this. You are talking to a piece of cheese for Christ Sakes!" he shouted at me." lets should be let's. Let's is let us. "Let us get you home." And Christ sakes? That makes no sense. Christ's sake? Yeah. That would be it. For, " Let em say a few words to it." I said." 'Em' should be me. "Ya crazy psycho path! You need help when your talking to a hunk of cheese!" Your should be you're or you are.
"I enjoyed it a lot but it seemed like Roger didn't." There should be a comma after lot.
Well, I think that's all after skimming the short story a few more times. Keep writing.
Chellie
xoxo
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haha that was awesome! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha great work!!! *high five*
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.lmfao....that is hilarious...I too love cheese...dude, that story freakin made my day. Thank you. Keep up the good work
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LOL! Very cute. LOVE the ending. Well written and much enjoyed.
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well done, its full of passion and i think it was well written
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omg! that was soooooooo goood! i loved it!!! keep up the work!!!
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Heh. This made me grin. Funny shite. Loved every word of it. Keep writing,
Silver -
haha, that was really funny, i want to talk to cheese.
Vicky^_^ -
lol...like they say in the commercial...
Ohhhhhhh....the power of cheese.........hehe
I am actually eating some cheese snacks right
at this moment...
Happy Holidays
Eddy -
good effort
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excellent and crazy
O my gosh! that was cheesy,sneezy and gave me the shivers too!May be, you needed a bit of cheese to bear the cold and rain after all!good story-write anyway.may be ,it arose out of homesickness or a fit of hallucination or delisions!whatever it may be, it is all over for now! Have a Merry Christmas!And don't get drenched again for a episode two! -
Omg! What in the world are you people putting in your egg nog ?????
Lmao I feel like I've stepped into an episode of Twillight Zone, AP style!
HELPPPPPPP, I'm being forced to smile and to LAUGH against my will! LMAO
Talking Cheese, Driving donkeys, Oh My Oh My!
LMAO
Oh don't mind me, I'm jealous Idon't have such a wonderfully creative mind!
Awesome and Amusing write!
~stail~ -
Wellllll I think this is different...You need to read it over and fix some grammatical errors. Good job.
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That was amusing. It could do without the cussing, but I loved the cheese. The immortal question: "Why is that cheese in a black trenchcoat?" Awesome!! -
very funny :)
hahaha. rofl. that's good. lol. very creative i wasn't expecting the ending lol at all or the fact that the guy was going to talk to a hunk of cheeze
good story.
Ellen -
loved it
lol, it was so funny, the ending was completely different from what i expected it to be. i love talking about food, just not exactly to it lol. Awesome, loved it. -
Lol! This was awesome! Loved the intro, very captivating! The beginning was rather odd, but then it turned out to make complete sense, and it had a cute moral to it! I enjoyed the talking food, just because I have never read anything quite so different, and entertaining! Awesome, awesome! Great write
Love,
Katy
*~LiquidLullaby~* -
Be nice be cool. You just told me that. LOL loser. Anyway this story is awesome. I love talking cheese. Keeps me busy on the weekends. sigh Anyway awesome ending. I'm looking forward to the sequel... lol. They need to go visit the grand biscuit of Austrailia! wooo! Awesome job!
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hahah! this was really cool! keep it up! totally surprised me! hahaha, omg this was freaking funny!!
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