-If Only-

As I sat on the steps, my head in my hands, I started to cry. I had never been to a funeral before, and to go to a funeral for my best friend was heart breaking. I wanted to tear myself away from the world, to be held close by the only people who would understand. I couldn't. I couldn't understand why it had to be her. I couldn't understand anything. My head was too cloudy to think, so I stood up and walked. I walked until my feet burned. When I stopped I was in front of her house. I was in front of her bedroom window, waiting for her to come out so we could hang out together. 1

"She will never come," I told myself, "She will never be with us again," I sat on her porch, crying. Crying that she wouldn't be there, that we wouldn't be able to go to our first dance together without dates. I cried because her death was my fault. If only I could have seen the car coming toward me, then she wouldn't have jumped in front of the car to stop it from hitting me. 2

If only. 3

My mother once said, "Life is full of 'If-Only's', but you have to make them yours." I had never fully understood what she meant until that moment. She meant that life is full of situations that you end up saying "If only..." about. When you are faced with those situations, you shouldn't sit there and say, "If only this..." and "If only that...,". You have to make the best of it. Make the best of it. 4

My head was clearing up. I could remember it so clearly, like it was happening right there before me. The car. The sounds. The screams. 5

If only. 6

I was walking across the street and a kid's ball rolled in front of me. Becky was already in front of me on the sidewalk. I leaned down to pick up the ball when a large truck came. It peeled out of the parking lot and was coming straight at me. The driver couldn't see me. When the car was going to hit me, Becky jumped in front of the truck, pushed me away, and got hit instead. I was devastated. I saw my best friend's death. I saw her face when she died, so determined. 7

If only. 8

I never thought i would have to witness something like that. I never thought I would have to see my best friend lying on the ground, unable to move, paralyzed by the impact. I never thought that I would have to see the driver come stumbling out of the truck saying, "What happened? Did I hit an animal?" I never thought I would yell and scream at the drunk driver. I never thought I would hit him. 9

If only. 10

When my mind was less foggy, I stood up and walked back to the funeral, walking the winding road. I reached up to wipe my eyes, they were wet and sticky from crying. I only had one thought on my mind that day, "Please don't die, I need you." Her last words were "Don't cry, don't worry, it'll be alright." Then she closed her eyes and never opened them.11

When I woke up the next morning, my eyelashes were wet from crying, my mascara dripping down my cheeks. When we got home from the funeral I locked myself away in my room. I only wanted one thing. I wanted Becky. I wanted her to be there with open arms, ready to hug and cry with me. She wasn't there. 12

If only. 13

I put my head in my hands and cried. 14

I cried when my mom came up with food and knowledge. I cried when my dad said it was alright. I cried the whole day. I cried during the therapy I was assigned to do. I cried through the movie. 15

If only. 16

I wished that life wouldn't be full of "If only's". When it was time for dinner, my mom brought it up to me, but I didn't eat. I cried. I opened up my phonebook in my cell phone and deleted her number. I deleted our pictures except for the best ones. Those I printed and hung on my wall. I sat in silence for four hours , listening to the rain outside.17

The next day was her burial. I forced myself to go. I was asked to come up and talk about her. When I got up there, the only thing I said was. "Life is full of "What if's", let's not make this one of them. Becky wouldn't want that." I walked off the platform, onto the ground. and back to my house, where I sat in my room in silence. I realized that she was right. 18

Don't cry, don't worry. Everything's going to be alright. 19

That night i closed mt eyes and went to bed, hopefully to see Becky in dreamland.

Author notes

elephants!

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • IxLovexElphiex
    July 3

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    very sad.
    great job displaying the emotion is this story.
    there could be so much more description! especially when she is remembering back to the car accident.
    there were a few spelling mistakes.
    thanks so much for entering and good luck!!!

  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    May 23

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    You have presented a very emotional and well-written story



    Hi Madison, thank you for entering the contest. You have presented a very emotional and well-written story concerning the pain of a young person faced with a cruel reality of life—death.

    In this case the loss of a friend. In our teen years this is something unexpected, we’re young and just on the verge of living, so in no way prepared for the experience.

    When it is a peer, naturally it cuts deeply since it suddenly makes us realize just how vulnerable we, ourselves, are.

    A talented young writer, you handled the plotting very well. You describe your characters and locations in words the reader can follow and understand the activity taking place .

    You do need a few corrections (don’t we all ) that you’ll catch on a careful edit. There is nothing so drastic as to interrupt my reading.

    Geri


  • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
    May 22

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    Very good story

    The last sentence, That night (I) closed (my) eyes

    No point in worrying about what might have happened in the past. The past won't change and thinking about 'if onlys' will only waste the present. Of course, I guess most of us review our past and think about 'if onlys'.

    This was very dramatic and pretty well written. Thanks for entering 'For Writers Fourteen Or Under'

    Andy


  • damnxrightxitsxanna
    May 6
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    it was great, it shows how something like death can jst suddenly come into our lives, that sometimes things we cant help happen, and saying if only wont change the past; you just have to learn to live with it. The beggining at first was kinda boring, but then when it got to the "if only" part it got much better. Great job


  • Starlight-Kisses
    May 1

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    omg that is so sad and your right the world is full of if onlys it was really well done nice description if this is true then i'm so sorry nice job and good luck *wipes tear from eyes*

  • Writing0Freedom
    April 28

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    This was beautiful and heartbreaking. I love the recurring theme in this it makes it seem so much more real. I could really relate to this because I did lose my best friend and I know what this feels like. You wrote this very realistically and the heartbreak and pain is very genuine. I love the way you set up the story and gave us a way to connect the character. This is really well written and beautifully done.
    Thank you for entering!
    WritingFree


  • SympatheticMisery
    April 22

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    Okay, this was beautiful. I love how there was an accual moral, and how the main character came to realize it in the end of the story. You can garantee yourself a place in the finalist list!


  • Faker
    April 20

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    Lovely and touching and it did make me teary only because I was feeling a little vulnerable from watching a movie, thanks for entering.

  • Xabstruse
    April 17
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    A touching, sad, and emotional. It hit me. As Jenni below me has said, I liked the way you used "if only' in the story.
    This was easy to read. Great job. Though, once again, (am I ever going to cry off of a story?) It didn't make me cry.

    Thanks for entering.


  • Jenni-Wren
    April 16

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    Wow! The emotions in this piece are wonderful, it was a very touching story. I loved how you repeted "If Only" throughout the piece. Well done!
    And thank you for entering the contest.


  • Mallig
    April 10

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    This is a very touching story. The regret and pain the character is feeling are palpable, the emotions come through very strongly in this piece. I thought "walking the winding road" at the funeral was a very sad and symbolic image to go along with the repetition of "if onlys". One thing, with "wet and sticky from crying" and "wet from crying" being so close together, you might not need the "from crying" part in both. A very good read, thanks for this entry!
    (On last line, mt --> my)


  • Midnight-In-Prayer
    April 7
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    It's a little clumped in parts, like the first paragraph, but I definitely likd the emotion in this piece. I was, quite honestly, on the verge of tears through the whole piece. I loved this, especially your continued usage of the words "If only". Very dramatic.


  • Not In Your Heaven
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing editing! XD

1 - 15 of 15