The Audition

She stood out. That much was obvious. DARKness circulated from the room as the people auditioning became a mess of chains, black, and studs. Gently pushing her way through the crowd, Kaya confirmed her fears: she was the only one wearing white in a sea of black. 1

Kaya self-consciously yanked on the short hem of her white sundress. She could almost hear their silent laughter as she treaded through the crowd. She kept her head bowed, allowing strands of hair, and only about two shades darker than her dress, to fall in front of her face. 2

“Are you here to audition?” a gruff voice demanded. 3

Kaya looked up. Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of the very big, very dark man in front of her. 4

“Y-yes sir,” she stuttered, trying to keep her voice from wavering. 5

“Name?” he asked, looking up from his list. 6

“Kaya Jameson,” she said softly. 7

She could almost see the amusement in his eyes as he took in her whole appearance. While Kaya wanted to be indignant, she knew that he did have a point. Who wore white to a Goth band audition? Apparently she did. 8

“Alright princess, fill out these forms and we’ll put your name down,” he said, turning away to hide his quiet laughter. 9

The slender girl snatched the paper from his hands and began filling out the form. Five minutes later, she handed him the form, blue eyes glued to the floor. The last thing she needed was to see the man’s mocking expression and have that diminish her last bit of confidence. She’d come in with her head held high and she knew she’d leave with her eyes glued to the floor. Amazing what a few quiet laughs could do to break a girl’s confidence. 10

What seemed like an hour, but was probably ten minutes, passed before she was called in to audition. 11

“Kaya Jameson?” a girl called. 12

The girl was a few inches shorter than her and had too many piercings to count. Her hair, obviously dyed, was a bright pinkish purple. Kaya was feeling more and more out of place by the second. She was beginning to question why she’d even come there in the first place. 13

The tall girl sucked in a deep breath before walking into the audition room. The band members sat before her in all their gothic glory. Kaya wanted to run, hide, and never return, but she knew she’d gone through too much to just quit. 14

“My name’s Kaya Jameson and I’ll be singing ‘Once upon a Dream’ from Sleeping Beauty.” 15

Hysterical laughter met her ears as she bolted out of the building. There wasn’t a person around, including the band members, that wasn’t laughing. Apparently her audition was one big joke to them. Leaving the building, Kaya vowed to never audition again. She would never belong.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Reaver Greeters member
    July 21, 2008

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    Didn't see comment from me on this one, but i know i read it before. It's good, though i felt like it was sort of the middle of a full story or something. Thanks for entering. D.


  • Tiger-Lily
    May 11, 2008
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    Uh...I have to say, I am surprised. I thought she'd amaz them with hitherto unknown skill. Who turns up in white, singing Once Upon A Dream to a Goth audition?

    Lol this was silly, but didn't strike me as humorous. More stupidity on her part.

    But,as usual,great read. Nothing wrong in the writing at all.

    HT


  • Andrew Timothy
    May 8, 2008
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    Alright, well... what's the lesson? I thought it was going to end with her facing her fear (but maybe that ending's too cliche).

    The forms and descriptions were good--grammar flawless. But the story lacks that something, that angle that concludes the feelings of the tale. What happens? There's something missing here...

    Thank you for entering and good luck.


    • moonwriter
      May 9, 2008
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      I actgually do have a second part to the story, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. It was typed up at my friend's house, but I think she might have deleted it... If I can find it, I'll add it into the story. It contains the missing piece.


  • Vampiric souls
    May 7, 2008

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    This is very nice, I like the whole goth cliche kind of thing and think that this is a very well written piece!

  • RaymondRaleigh
    May 4, 2008

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    Very reflective of real life situations. A good story because a lot of people will identify with being the odd one out at times. I say....well written!

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 3.


  • DarkestPassion
    April 28, 2008
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    i like this


  • Trinity Dragon
    April 24, 2008

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    Fairly good. So yeah, thanks for entering. One thing though, you used a few phrases a few too many times, and you don't need to add an adjective before every "girl." Slender works once, and it connotes someone taller.

    But it was good. Sorta sad, but good nonetheless. So good luck here.

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.


  • SignifyingNothing
    April 22, 2008

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    I think you are really on to something here. I will echo what Plumeister said about any group being rejecting of others. I don't know if you intended to 'go that deep' but you did!

    I could really feel for Kaya. Yes, she was pretty dumb to go to a goth audition like that and intend to sing that song, but I still felt for her. She seemed to be very naive. You really captured the pain of rejection in this short piece. I think we all have experienced rejection at one point or another, every one of us, and its something everyone can relate to, no matter how 'popular' they seem. This was good because it took an emotion everyone can relate to and really made it real.

    Your descriptions were also good throughout, I almost could 'see' the story as it was unfolding.

    Great job and thanks for entering.

  • Done
    April 21, 2008

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    Hey you know what?

    I read this some time ago and wanted to comment on it, but didn't. Then, I check out this addition to the contest and I was quite pleased to get a second chance.

    You make an excellent point with this story, which is what a story should do as I believe writing should provide some service to the betterment of the world at large. This story proves that no one group may lay claim to the angst of rejection, as is so fashionably claimed by goth/emo types. I also think it funny how such people in trying to be so different and defining themselves as outcasts are really the same.

    You know, when I was in school I had a similar experience with the chess club. I was never the super-duper cool dude, but I was never the nerd either. But I did love chess. Well, one day just for kicks I went to the chess club to play a game or two. The chess nerds made me feel terribly unwelcome and I am not at all a rude jock type person. I didn't go back. See, no one group is devoid of arrogance or rudeness. It wields its ugly head in every clique and the important thing to remember is that despite our exterior affectations, we are all the same inside. We just want to be treated with respect and equity.

    This was an excellent story and I am so glad I had the opportunity to do what I should have the first time I read it.

    thanks for this,

    al


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    April 19, 2008

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    Awww I felt sorry for Kaya, poor girl. Great story you have here and good luck in the contest
    Joann


  • beezy92
    April 18, 2008

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    Even though everyone is laughing at her, I don't feel like this is really funny. It's more like the characters think its funny but the reader isn't supposed to. But it was a nice piece for the specific contest (=


  • Miss Belligerence
    April 14, 2008

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    aw, that's sad. I wanted her to belt out that disney tune and leave them all with their mouths hanging open! This was cute, I liked the situation but the ending was sad, I was rooting for Kaya. This really drew me in. good write
    thanks for entering my contest
    -gibson


  • Rosemary silver member
    April 14, 2008
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    Poor girl

    Thanks for entering and good luck with the contest


  • WingedWolf
    April 7, 2008

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    Why did she wear white, and why would she sing that song for a goth audition???

    As for the story, great job and the best of luck in the contest.


  • theDARK1
    April 6, 2008

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    itz misfortunate that this happened to her. everyone got a big kick out her audition but her. she can audition up here on the DARKside of the moon and i won't laugh at her. good luck in the contest, DARK.


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    April 4, 2008

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    Wow, that was the most terrible audition I could imagine. I think your character would be a little clueless to go to a goth audition in white. I also think that it is good character definition because you tell the reader where her mind is at. Her confidence is broken down practically as soon as she enters and it keeps on breaking down until she couldn't take it anymore and had to remove herself from the situation. Good description.


  • Ted E Bare
    April 4, 2008
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    I felt sorry for Kaya. It appeared that the joke was on her, or from their perspective that the joke was her. I think she needed a more receptive audience and should not give up because of that crushing incident. A very good story and good luck in the contest.

    Ted E


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    April 4, 2008
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    *laughs* I think she needs to find a milder band to audition for. You've done a very good job building up her nervousness and all of the ways that she doesn't quite fit here. There was a typo in paragraph 3: "Are you HERE to audition?" Otherwise, good job with the mechanics, too. Good luck in the contest! Welcome to Storywrite!

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