My Mistakes Written in Pen.

Let us forgive.1

Let us live.2

Take your pills and disguse your problems in the small white candies that will set you free. Take you back to what you believe.3

Today.4

He sits and stares at the wall. As if it were going to talk or something. He stares and stares until I clear my thoart. Want me to go? I asked. I spend 3 minutes waiting for the answer, getting no where I get up and head toward the door.5

"Why do you waste your time with me?" is all he can say. Is all you can say.6

How is it wasting time? At least I'm not off doing drugs.7

He doesnt respond for a second but then strikes low and hard.8

"You love your pills more than me" He said. I love all the things about myself he wants me to change. You want me to change. 9

So? Youre no saint. I say. I don't want to lie to him, but life gets better with the swallow of a dozen asprins.10

"Its going to kill you one day".11

Honestly I don't care. I would say that to him, but now is the perfect time to add in a quote (thank you Chuck P.) I've been dying to use.12

No matter how much you think you love someone, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close. I tell him almost with a grin, proud I could remember that.13

He laughs. You laugh. "I don't love you."14

Another strike and I'm on the floor. Not really, metaphorically, if you didn't know. 15

I...I didn't mean... I am speechless. Think of a mother throwing away her child in a trashcan saying "I...I don't love you" yeah, thats kinda how it felt.16

Think of a father taking his son by the hand and nearly ripping off his arm to get him to fallow, think of this man beating the child for something he couldn't control...saying, or probably scremaing at this point "I...I don't fucking love you". Yeah lets make this dramatic. He made it dramatic. You did.17

His father hurts him, but he won't tell me. He doesn't tell anyone he fucks. He doesn't tell anyone he talks to. If he doesn't mention it its not for real. Its not true. Its a bad dream he has while hes awake. He hurts him because he can no longer feel anything when he trys to hurt himself. Poor guy. Note the sarcasm. Note the pain as I write this. Note the sorrow I feel when he dies. When you die. He only sees his father once or twice a month...guess how many times a month he has to go to the hospital.18

His mother doesn't get it...it..whatever it is. She doesn't get it. No one does. Not me. Not anyone. Thats what he said isn't it? No one gets you. You won't let them. 19

So you don't love me? Surprise, Surprise.20

I don't love you either.21

I just don't want tobe alone.22

Hun, we're just two fucked up kids wishing for a perfect home. You don't love me and I don't love you, but we are all we have. So suck it up and pretend.23

He doesn't love me. You don't.