Too Young, Too Clever

1

Jill approached the giant, brown door with its grand gold decor. As her head went up, it looked as if the top of the door could not be seen. She did not wish to go in it, but she was forced to. She had to tell her boss about her accomplishments. She barely feared the man, but at her young age, she was hopeless and obligated. She had to meet him. It was her sad, sad fate. She jiggled the door knob, and with the extra grease around the edges, it slowly slid open.2

Outside the door she stood. Light came in from the giant, creepy room and illuminated the shivering Jill. Now she truly was scared. She picked up her briefcase and took her first step into the room.3

At first she could not see anything. But as her slow, cautioned steps multiplied, she began to see the figure of a man. Turned away from his red FisherPrice table, she could see the back of his plastic, blue chair. She glanced at his desk and saw construction paper, crayons, and a coloring book. She knew that he was all business.4

"I ... uhhh... I asked her," said Jill. She looked forward and noticed no movement. Her boss remained completely silent and immobile. He had his feet plopped on the mantel of the window in which he was looking out.5

"Umm... sir? I said... I uhhh... I said I asked her," repeated Jill. As she looked into the back of his chair again, she noticed a small bit of movement. The boss had taken a very deep breath.6

The baby behind the chair took another deep breath and cleared his throat. As he began to talk, he used a dry voice such as one that could be found in a Mafia movie. "Do you see this window?" he asked. Jill, fearing her life, quickly responded with a yes. After asking such a dumb question, the boss continued. 7

"You see this window here..." he continued. "Well... I was cesarean born. And well recently I've began to notice that its been bothering me. You can't really tell, although whenever I leave this house, I seem to go out through this window."8

Jill gave the back of him a blank stare. What on earth did that have to do with anything? "Umm... excuse me sir-"9

"Call me Alfonso," he interrupted. 10

"Ok... Alfonso... I don't understand why you just told me that. It had nothing to do with what I was talking about." As she said this, she backed away from the table, fearing that this would make him mad.11

Alfonso turned around in his desk and placed his hands on the table. Jill's eyes opened wide as she saw the appearance of his body. He was small just like her. He looked like he was the same age as her. How could the head boss be only three years old?12

"I know my statement made no sense," said Alfonso. "With my young age, I have to keep the fear going. The only thing I have to offer is the scary sound of the mysterious things I say. Plus, I saw it on television and I wanted to try it out."13

Jill felt a lot more welcomed in the room. The whole creepy, dark mist seemed to disappear. Remembering why she had come to where she was, she continued: "Oh well I already told you, and well... I asked my mother the question. I asked her where babies come from... Now will you please explain to me again as to why this is so important?"14

"Sure," said Alfonso. "You see, we intelligent babies have been born with many of the secret answers to life's mysteries. If the grown-ups found out what we knew before we were old enough to forget it, they would conduct research and destroy us. Now... we ask the question to make us look dumb. This way they won't realize our true intellect. You see, we come out of our parents and then look like idiots by asking where we came from... does this all make sense?"15

"Oh I see, said Jill. "This makes perfect sense. We ask a question we should obviously know the answer to so the entire baby race looks like a group of dumbasses."16

"Precisely!" said Alfonso. "Also, we don't want the adults to know that we are in control of them. We are much wiser and we are capable of so much more. I mean, when they cry, it looks pathetic. When we cry, we get milk and cookies and love and affection!"17

"Wow I've never thought about that," pondered Jill. "Since the beginning of time, the mothers have said that they had the babies. But truly, its the other way around. The babies had the parents."18

Alfonso was amazed with how quickly she had summed up that concept. She was truly learning. Most babies couldn't handle the truth.19

As Jill was smiling about her newly gained knowledge, a troubling thought came to her mind. "But aren't we a little harsh?" she asked. "I mean, its giving us a bad name. The only adults that say they sleep like babies are the ones that never had them."20

"Oh don't mind the bad name that we may have," said Alfonso with a quick response. "It just hides the truth even more! Plus, they will always be nice to us. I mean, we're the ones who will be choosing their resting homes!"21

"Ok," said Jill. "This is just a really hard concept to grasp... I think I fully understand it though. Humans are dominated by their children."22

"Yes! Yes! Yes! That's about it," said Alfonso. "I understand how it is taking you some time to comprehend this. I mean, when I was born, I was so surprised that I couldn't talk for a year and a half."23

Jill laughed at what she hoped was a joke. When the laughing stopped, she knew it was about time to go. "Umm... Alfonso. It's getting late. I really need to get home. My mommy might get suspicious."24

"Ok, but before you go," said Alfonso. "What did your mother say... what did she say about the question?"25

"Oh, I got the stupid stork response. Parents lack their creativity these days!"26

Alfonso smiled and Jill smiled back. As Jill turned around and walked out, she was escorted to her Tonka truck by two of Alfonso's henchman. After coming back from a diaper change, they were happy and willing to help her out. 27

As she got into her bright yellow truck, she was proud of her newly gained knowledge. She felt so incredibly smart and advanced. As the annoying Pampers diaper commercial would say, she was truly a big kid now.28