Ykcul saw the page for the fifth time and yet could not get himself to believe it. He then put the Book down and walked to the table and pulled open the drawer. His hands went in and came out holding a piece of rectangular paper while shaking mildly. The paper happened to be a lottery ticket scheduled to be drawn that day. He put the ticket back after taking one long look at it. He went back to the Book.1
"All your troubles are over. Your luck is about to change. The number you selected has brought you power and control. You will start a new life." the Book was still smiling at him with those words. It was no ordinary book. It was the Book of Luck. Ykcul consulted the Book every time he bought a ticket, which was everyday. All he had to do was close his eyes and point his finger on any of the 501 numbers arranged in a grid. The number he chose told him what his future was, at least for that day. After all these years the Book had given him a different verdict, a completely different and unexpected one at that.2
Ykcul had been buying lottery tickets for some four years now. He worked in a departmental store with a salary low enough to keep him complaining but high enough to keep those complaints to himself. He had no one else to feed so he spent freely. Ykcul however had one ambition, getting rich. The only way his brain saw that could happen was by winning a jackpot. So he spent a large portion of his salary in buying lottery tickets. Twice he had won meager amounts given away as consolation prize but that only succeeded in kindling his passion more. 3
Each morning he would consult his Lucky Book he had once bought at the suggestion of a fellow ticket-buyer who had introduced the luck factor to Ykcul. The Book would always say something that had some pessimism in it, or Ykcul thought so. Only twice had the Book given him tiny sparks of hope and on those days Ykcul had won something if not nothing. It was the success rate of the Book that made him awestruck this morning. The Book had never been so optimistic. It looked almost as if the Book itself wished him good luck. Ykcul thanked all Gods for smiling upon him and left home for work with the lucky ticket safe in his pocket.4
There was a huge crowd at the newspaper stand that day. Every one of his fellow ticket-buyers looked speechless. So, the prophecy had been true after all. Ykcul could not handle the tension anymore as even his mouth failed to move as he commanded. Unable to ask anyone about the winner, he parted the crowd and entered the arena where his future was about to be announced. It took a minute for the headlines to hit home. Ykcul was as speechless as the others. He could not believe his eyes.
"LOTTERY TICKETS BANNED ALL OVER THE COUNTRY!!!"
The paper screamed at him.Ykcul thought he heard the Lucky Book chuckle.5
Author notes
This is just a test for me checking if i have what it takes to write a story. i'm awaiting your verdict.
A contest entry
- Make me laugh, make me cry, make me feel something! by LittleMissChrissie.
450 points, ended October 24, 2008, 75 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh! by tonialoise.
525 points, ended September 22, 2008, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short short short!! by Thorn-on-the-Rose.
175 points, ended September 28, 2008, 36 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me LOL!!! by DeathNoteYaoi.
230 points, ended September 28, 2008, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - For there will be laughter... by UrbanRealist.
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• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Hi, this is my first story so be kind....
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Ironic story. Clever use of the character's name helped to add the uniqueness of the story, and the twist at the end was fairly unexpected. The humor in this is fairly subdued, though I liked the line about the book basically getting the last laugh. I can see how this is a satire of how some people often let 'fortune'-style books etc rule their luck in life.
Thank you for your entry in this contest.
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Thank you very much.. Have fun Hosting the contest
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Good story, the main charecters name was lucky spelled the other way around, very clever. That means he is unlucky since it is lucky the other way around which means oposite. But I don't know how to say it out. Keep up the good work. This story is good for your first one.
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Thank you.... Glad you liked it.. you're becoming more and more a big girl.
"That means he is unlucky since it is lucky the other way around which means oposite"
Yeah you guessed it right
I've come here after a long time. I'm eager to read your great stories.
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Very odd name! Very great story!
Good luck in your contest and with all of your writing!
RIan -
Ha!! I've read this, very awesome! I love how his name is 'Lucky' spelled backwards, very origanl, I loive it!! good luck in my contest =DD
-Dani -
I like his name, quite original and took me a minute to realize what it was.
Good buildup to the ending. I was kind of expecting something bad, but not quite this so it was good and quite different.
I think you have what it takes to write a story.
Thanks for entering! Brightened my day a little.
found a typo
P2 told him what... missed the h. -
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Glad I could help! Thank you for appreciating the name. On my way to correcting the mistake. Have a great hosting!!
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Hahaa
I found this very funny! It made me laugh out loud at the end and you wrote it brilliantly. I like how you developed your character and his habits. You were very interesting and the ending was unpredictable.
The only thing that you could have improved is the length of the story, but as it's your first I don't blame you, my first was quite short too.
Best of luck in the contest!
Chrissie
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Wow! You've commented on all my entries. You're one helluva host! Thank you for the comments and the applause! At last, someone who understands how first stories are.. Thanks again!
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Good story, I like it! hehe 'Ykcul' is lucky spelt backwards, but you probably already knew that, very clever! I like how he depends on the book, and it does him wrong, that's pretty funny. But I guess it didn't really do him wrong, now he won't be able to waste all of his money on lottery tickets. Well, anyways, great story, keep writing =DD
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Thanks Dani, for taking time and reading my first story. I'm glad you found out the meaning behind Ykcul.. That was the idea behind it, and you've guessed correct. The lucky book says his troubles are over and he'll start a new life and that's exactly what happens. Glad you liked it.
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that is really a good story especially for the first one written. It was easy to read but somehow a little bit predictable, or maybe it is only my own perception. I would suggest to see into the structure of some sentences, some of them are quite heavy to perceive like this one "Each morning he would consult his Lucky Book he had once bought at the suggestion of a fellow ticket-buyer who had introduced the luck factor to Ykcul."
The idea with the name is a good one though the pronounciation makes one wonder what it will sound like. All in all definitely a good start which just needs little bit polishing!!
Happy writing!! -
*laughs* I think that's my kind of "lucky" book...
I like the way you've constructed this - with the background, but not belabored with it, and the build up to the punch line. You could have worked his emotion of excitement and nervouseness a little bit more, but otherwise this was nicely done. Where does the name Ykcul come from, though? And how do you pronounce it? It looks Russian or something... *laughs* Nicely done - I hope you keep writing! Welcome to Storywrite!
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thanks yndina
hi... thank you for ur fine criticism... i will surely work on those areas u mentioned in my next story.. ykcul is actually a person whose luck has turned(lucky-ykcul) i had thought abt the pronunciation but left it as it was...
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*laughs* Wow, I didn't even catch that! Clever name.
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Poor guy!
You had a few spelling and grammer mistakes, but nothing major that wouldn't be picked up with spellchecker.
It had a very humourous plotline, and it would be nice if you maybe expanded this a little, by maybe explaining exactly what the 'Book' is, maybe a little more about the character, setting out a bit more of what happened that day, just an idea.
Overall, though, this was a really good, funny story, well done!
~Miranda
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hi miranda...
thank u for ur appreciating my story.. there was some problem with my browser so the spell checker was messed up.. i checked spelling twice without a mistake.. i have a tendency to expand too much if i do so.. this being my first story published, i didnt want to risk scaring people away due to its length.
now that I'm assured, i shall write stories in more detail. also english not being my mother tongue doesn help.
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This is a very good story. It has a main character any poor sucker can empathize with.
A plot that is easy to follow and clearly writing with just a hint of humor that makes the ending perfect.
You do require some editing; I usually don’t point out mistakes in punctuation or spelling until I’m better acquainted with the writer. But I would suggest you proofread, before offering it for publication.
You might even consider adding a few more comic situations to lengthen the work. This of course depends on what you plan to do with it.
Welcome to SW, you will find many new friends here I’m sure. If we can help in any way please let us know.
Geri
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hi Geri
i hope my reply to miranda satisfies you. and thank you for hospitality. it really makes me feel at home. i feel i have at last found a community that suits me.
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