My feet are freezing as I trudge through the snow drifts to the dilapidated barn. My heart feels as heavy as my feet, but I go through the motions of a normal day like a robot, my muscles moving mechanically, as though they are not connected to my brain. 1
A thousand thoughts race through my mind as I fumble with the rusty lock on the barn door. There is a distinct smell in the air; that crispy smell of winter that fills your nostrils as you breathe in the cold air mixed with the musty, old-leather smell of the barn. Funny how I can sense everything around me: the raccoon tracks left in the snow from their raiding of the trash can the night before, the thousands of termites eating away at the ancient wood of the barn, the flakes of white paint that fall off of the wood daily, and the general emptiness of the world around me. 2
Everything feels so empty. It’s as if this place has been deserted by every living thing. There are still tracks in the snow, there is still hay waiting to be eaten in the barn, there are still pictures of happier days in the farmhouse; but there is no life to be found here today. The world is cold and unbearably harsh. I can feel the pain of the cold like never before.3
The sun rises through the trees as I do my day’s work, though there is no reason to do the work any longer. I walk around the perimeter of the pasture checking for holes in the fencing though the fence no longer keeps any livestock in. Perhaps it is the cruel reality of the world around me that I work to keep out.4
After I am through with the pasture I trudge through the snow to the garden. Nothing grows on the frozen ground. All the seeds I planted have long been buried under the snow with no hope of producing a healthy, vibrant crop. My life is meaningless now that I have nothing to make new life with. 5
The silence here is deafening, pounding in my ears like a steady drum beat. Like a funeral march, I think, as I lock the door to the barn for the last time, locking my memories away with it. 6
Author notes
I wrote this for an English class assignment way back in 2003. The instructions were to describe what life is like for someone who has lost their child without directly saying they had lost their child. I think the story ended up being more personal than I had intended (as is often the case) and really shows my disdain for the "dead season". I'm not much of a story-writer (though I'd like to be) so let me know what you think.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
As usual, I have to differ. Stories are lives, and you described a life. Can't get "Needles and Pins" (Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty) off my mind reading this- G
-
Excellent
I think you managed to capture the essence of it even though you may not realize it. The sense of depression is evident throughout the story and the reader is drawn by the comparisons to continue until the inevitable end... -
There is an intense sense of loneliness and sadness in your words. I would imagine that the loss of a child would evoke a life much like this, one that is empty, that wastes away day by day, and one with the absence of life where just the will to maintain the things in life that were once so important, seems to just be fading away...
Of course without reading the author notes, I would have still taken that sense of loneliness and emptiness from it...and just wondered what it was that may have been taking the meaningfulness of this life away...
Your imagery and emotion in this is fantastic! I felt like I could have been there watching this scenario.. I think you could easily write stories!
♥
-
awesome i loved it!
this was an amazing story. i loved it. i love the way you put details in so clearly. and i dont know whw you say that you arent much of a story rwiter because this is an awesome story! i loved it! keep at it!!!
-
I thought this was a story about someone who had lost their home. I suppose there is a certain bit of irony in the truth behind the poem. It was well and articulately detailed. I loved the color of the description and the emotions portrayed. Excellent work.
-
gee wiz. this is an amazing story...extremely depressing...but good all the same. I hope you got an A on that assignment because you deserve it. and what do you mean "I'm not much of a story writter" you are the great of greats. I wish I could write like you!
-
Wow, way to depress me.
Wow. Way to depress me. God. Yeah, I know thats the point and IT WORKED!!!! I couldn't tell that it was someone who lost their child (I acutally thought it was a teenager) but I'm stupid so totally disregard that. YOu kick ass. -
Well you certainly captured the depression of loss and of winter. I can feel the emptiness of your protagonist's life right now, though we are not given the reason for that hole which was part of the instructions. Do you know this barn? You write as if you've been there, bringing all your senses into play. One thing that I've found helps in story writing is to read the first paragraph or two of as many stories as you can. Go for classics & best sellers, novels & short stories, everything. You don't have to read the whole thing, just the opening. It will show you what are good ways to start your story. Once you have that down, the rest tends to flow provided you've got an idea and an outline of some sort. Anyway, good luck with the next story!
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
