Crystel woke the next morning from the daylight pouring into the open window. She rolled over, reluctant to fully awaken from her comfortable slumber, when the strange events of the night before woke her back up. For a second she suspected it to have been merely a dream. But when she sat up, eyes wide, and now very alert, she found herself in an unfamiliar room. 1
‘W-where am I?’ she thought to herself, heart beginning to pump. She quickly jumped out of the bed and went to the door, ignoring the coldness that washed over her as she did. The door's hinges creaked as she opened it, and she peeked out, seeing only an empty hallway. Crystel distantly remembered walking down it before she had gone into the room and the memory slowly began to drift back to her. She then recalled the man, who had walked her down it and his sluggish look. Where was he now?2
She walked quickly down the hallway, hoping that he was awake so that find some sort of explanation to her whereabouts.3
It didn't take long, before she even had to reach the end of the hall she heard a noise come from the door at the end. she quickly went through it and before her he sat busily eating breakfast at a large round table in the middle of a small room dining room. When she came up he looked up at her.4
“Good morning,” he greeted her nonchalantly. 5
“Good morning,” she replied. He didn’t look anywhere near as worn out as he had looked the night before, and that made him look drastically different. For starters, his eyes looked less shadowed, and almost looked more golden than brown, although the brown was still definite. His hair was neater, if still slightly messy, but she could tell that was just because it was a bit uncooperative. He had a almost restless aura to him, that Crystel couldn’t keep herself from smiling at.6
She went to sit down at the table across from him. 7
“Do you want to buy some breakfast?” he asked getting up from his chair.8
Crystel shook her head, “I don’t think I can afford it, I still have to pay for last night."9
He sat back down, and sighed, “All right then.” He said, “I’m Isaac, Isaac Nuse, thus the inn’s name, who are you?”10
Crystel smiled, “Crystel White,” she answered, “I was wondering, can you tell me where I-” Crystel stopped, surprised by the expression of shock that had appeared on Isaac’s face. “What’s wrong?” she asked nervously.11
He didn’t answer at first, his shocked face quickly melting to doubt, “What did you say your name is?” he asked; this time, Crystel noticed, his voice was more interrogating then it had been the first time.12
“Crystel White,” she answered, making sure to annunciate both words, in order to avoid the obvious confusion Isaac seemed to be having.13
But the doubt on his face merely increased, "Who do you think you are? you can't joke around like that unless you want to get yourself killed!"14
Crystel was very startled by this unexpected reply, “what?” she asked, “B-but What did I do?”15
He looked at her irritably, “Oh, ha ha don't act like you don't know! Jeez," He grummbled, "Your lucky I'm not the kind of person to report idiots like you to the queen."16
"What are you talking about!" Crystel asked, "queen? Is this about my name? Whats wrong with it?"17
Isaac rolled his eyes. 18
“Where am I?” she asked, “Can you just tell me that?"19
He sighed and looked at her, “Fine, play stupid...” He looked up at her face scowling irritably up at her from the table, Crystel was looking back clearly at complete loss, he sighed and glared down in a self-hating way "You really don't know? Are you really truly Crystel White?"20
"Yes,I am" She said, "Why is that so weird? And no, I don't know where I am. Please tell me."21
“I’ll believe you.” he said, “But if you're lying, I’ll find out.”22
“I’m not lying,” she insisted.23
“All right," he said, still sounding rather doubtful, "Well..." He sighed, "Your in a country called Mirindia... and around five hundred years ago there was a witch who took over. When she did this sorcerer made a prophecy saying that she would someday be killed by... you." 24
Crystel's eyes widened, "me?" She asked, "why me?"25
"How would I know? Thats just the way the legend goes. But if you really are Crystel White, a lot of people will be happy to see you. That Witch has been nothing but bad for this country."26
“What has she done?” she asked quietly.27
“For one,” Isaac said, a scowl growing back on his face, “she put goblins in charge of the military and police force.” He said the word goblins in a way so full of disgust and hatred, it made Crystel shudder.28
“What’s wrong with goblins?” Crystel asked. 29
“You’d know if you ever saw one,” he growled. Crystel could tell he was about to continue, but before he could, a knock came from the front door. Isaac got up and left the room.30
His absence gave Crystel time to think. could this all be real? It couldn't be of course but why would he lie about this? She remembered the night before and what the man had said when she had asked for a phone. That he had never heard of one and that neither had anyone else in that town. At the time, Crystel had assumed that he had wondered into an Amish town or something But now that she thought about it...31
Isaac came back in grumbling to himself, breaking her from her thoughts. "I-Isaac?" she asked.32
"What?" He asked.33
"So this is all true, really?"34
He glared at her, "I'm still wondering that same thing "Crystel White". You know, I never thought that the great legendary heroine would be such an air head."35
"So then," she said sheepishly "All I have to do is go and kill the witch."36
He scowled, "thats stupid, you make it sound so easy. Besides, no thats not it. He also said that there will be two people you go with. One will try to kill you and the other will try and protect you." 37
Crystel studied him carefully. Why should she believe him about ll this. She could just see it, she would say, 'I'll do it!' only to discover camera men popping out of the windows and people laughing telling her that she was in a reality show. But then again... what if it was true. What if it was all real and she really was supposed to be there to kill a witch and save a country. She sighed, "Ok," She said after a moment, "Alright then. I'll believe it." she looked up at Isaac, "But I don't know anything about anything here, and if there is someone trying to kill me then I need someone to protect me too. So I was wondering if you could come with me?38
Isaacs face suddenly turned bright red. “W-what…me?” He backed away a little “No.” He said, “I mean, no!” He yelled this time, “Why would you want me to come? It makes no sense.”39
“I think it does,” Crystel said, startled by his sudden change in attitude “You’re the first and only person I know in this world, and I already know I can trust you, and-“40
“No you don’t” Isaac said scowling again. 41
“I can’t?” Crystel asked, “So you work for the witch?”42
“NO!” he snapped, “but you don’t know if you can trust me, you just met me!”43
“I don’t care,” Crystel said. “I still think that I can trust you.”44
“Well, that’s your problem,” Isaac growled, “ and no, I am not coming.”45
“All right then,” Crystel said sadly, “it’s settled, I’ll just head off alone.”46
“ Yeah, it’s settled,” Isaac turned coldly away, “ but I guess, because you have nothing with you, it won’t hurt to help out..."He paused, “I guess I’ll buy you supplies. But that’s all!”47
And without a word, Isaac immediately turned, and walked out the door.48
‘W-where am I?’ she thought to herself, heart beginning to pump. She quickly jumped out of the bed and went to the door, ignoring the coldness that washed over her as she did. The door's hinges creaked as she opened it, and she peeked out, seeing only an empty hallway. Crystel distantly remembered walking down it before she had gone into the room and the memory slowly began to drift back to her. She then recalled the man, who had walked her down it and his sluggish look. Where was he now?2
She walked quickly down the hallway, hoping that he was awake so that find some sort of explanation to her whereabouts.3
It didn't take long, before she even had to reach the end of the hall she heard a noise come from the door at the end. she quickly went through it and before her he sat busily eating breakfast at a large round table in the middle of a small room dining room. When she came up he looked up at her.4
“Good morning,” he greeted her nonchalantly. 5
“Good morning,” she replied. He didn’t look anywhere near as worn out as he had looked the night before, and that made him look drastically different. For starters, his eyes looked less shadowed, and almost looked more golden than brown, although the brown was still definite. His hair was neater, if still slightly messy, but she could tell that was just because it was a bit uncooperative. He had a almost restless aura to him, that Crystel couldn’t keep herself from smiling at.6
She went to sit down at the table across from him. 7
“Do you want to buy some breakfast?” he asked getting up from his chair.8
Crystel shook her head, “I don’t think I can afford it, I still have to pay for last night."9
He sat back down, and sighed, “All right then.” He said, “I’m Isaac, Isaac Nuse, thus the inn’s name, who are you?”10
Crystel smiled, “Crystel White,” she answered, “I was wondering, can you tell me where I-” Crystel stopped, surprised by the expression of shock that had appeared on Isaac’s face. “What’s wrong?” she asked nervously.11
He didn’t answer at first, his shocked face quickly melting to doubt, “What did you say your name is?” he asked; this time, Crystel noticed, his voice was more interrogating then it had been the first time.12
“Crystel White,” she answered, making sure to annunciate both words, in order to avoid the obvious confusion Isaac seemed to be having.13
But the doubt on his face merely increased, "Who do you think you are? you can't joke around like that unless you want to get yourself killed!"14
Crystel was very startled by this unexpected reply, “what?” she asked, “B-but What did I do?”15
He looked at her irritably, “Oh, ha ha don't act like you don't know! Jeez," He grummbled, "Your lucky I'm not the kind of person to report idiots like you to the queen."16
"What are you talking about!" Crystel asked, "queen? Is this about my name? Whats wrong with it?"17
Isaac rolled his eyes. 18
“Where am I?” she asked, “Can you just tell me that?"19
He sighed and looked at her, “Fine, play stupid...” He looked up at her face scowling irritably up at her from the table, Crystel was looking back clearly at complete loss, he sighed and glared down in a self-hating way "You really don't know? Are you really truly Crystel White?"20
"Yes,I am" She said, "Why is that so weird? And no, I don't know where I am. Please tell me."21
“I’ll believe you.” he said, “But if you're lying, I’ll find out.”22
“I’m not lying,” she insisted.23
“All right," he said, still sounding rather doubtful, "Well..." He sighed, "Your in a country called Mirindia... and around five hundred years ago there was a witch who took over. When she did this sorcerer made a prophecy saying that she would someday be killed by... you." 24
Crystel's eyes widened, "me?" She asked, "why me?"25
"How would I know? Thats just the way the legend goes. But if you really are Crystel White, a lot of people will be happy to see you. That Witch has been nothing but bad for this country."26
“What has she done?” she asked quietly.27
“For one,” Isaac said, a scowl growing back on his face, “she put goblins in charge of the military and police force.” He said the word goblins in a way so full of disgust and hatred, it made Crystel shudder.28
“What’s wrong with goblins?” Crystel asked. 29
“You’d know if you ever saw one,” he growled. Crystel could tell he was about to continue, but before he could, a knock came from the front door. Isaac got up and left the room.30
His absence gave Crystel time to think. could this all be real? It couldn't be of course but why would he lie about this? She remembered the night before and what the man had said when she had asked for a phone. That he had never heard of one and that neither had anyone else in that town. At the time, Crystel had assumed that he had wondered into an Amish town or something But now that she thought about it...31
Isaac came back in grumbling to himself, breaking her from her thoughts. "I-Isaac?" she asked.32
"What?" He asked.33
"So this is all true, really?"34
He glared at her, "I'm still wondering that same thing "Crystel White". You know, I never thought that the great legendary heroine would be such an air head."35
"So then," she said sheepishly "All I have to do is go and kill the witch."36
He scowled, "thats stupid, you make it sound so easy. Besides, no thats not it. He also said that there will be two people you go with. One will try to kill you and the other will try and protect you." 37
Crystel studied him carefully. Why should she believe him about ll this. She could just see it, she would say, 'I'll do it!' only to discover camera men popping out of the windows and people laughing telling her that she was in a reality show. But then again... what if it was true. What if it was all real and she really was supposed to be there to kill a witch and save a country. She sighed, "Ok," She said after a moment, "Alright then. I'll believe it." she looked up at Isaac, "But I don't know anything about anything here, and if there is someone trying to kill me then I need someone to protect me too. So I was wondering if you could come with me?38
Isaacs face suddenly turned bright red. “W-what…me?” He backed away a little “No.” He said, “I mean, no!” He yelled this time, “Why would you want me to come? It makes no sense.”39
“I think it does,” Crystel said, startled by his sudden change in attitude “You’re the first and only person I know in this world, and I already know I can trust you, and-“40
“No you don’t” Isaac said scowling again. 41
“I can’t?” Crystel asked, “So you work for the witch?”42
“NO!” he snapped, “but you don’t know if you can trust me, you just met me!”43
“I don’t care,” Crystel said. “I still think that I can trust you.”44
“Well, that’s your problem,” Isaac growled, “ and no, I am not coming.”45
“All right then,” Crystel said sadly, “it’s settled, I’ll just head off alone.”46
“ Yeah, it’s settled,” Isaac turned coldly away, “ but I guess, because you have nothing with you, it won’t hurt to help out..."He paused, “I guess I’ll buy you supplies. But that’s all!”47
And without a word, Isaac immediately turned, and walked out the door.48
Author notes
This is chapter two. I have just edited it so I was wondering if the conversation seems awkward or anything like that. Before they were both super gullible to one another and believed everything they had said. Does it seem like that now?
grammer and spelling sucks. I know, My mom will edit it soon, please be patient. ^_^
Comments
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I think Crystel is still too gullible. She is sitting in a foreign dining room. Doesn't it look strange to her? Would she run to the window and look out at the town again? Would she try to look for a freeway or something? Phone booth? Cell tower? You see what I'm sayin'?
The camera surprise was a good start, but she still just sits still and takes his word for it. Er, mostly. 
I like how Isaac doesn't immediately agree to help her. That give him more realism.
In the dialogue section at the end, you keep saying her name, and with the short paragraphs, it feels like every other sentence has "Crystel" in it. She's the only female in the room and there's only two people talking. You can use "she" a little more often.
I do this with my own stories all the time, so I guess I see it here too.
p3 so that [she could] find
p4 don't really need "It didn't take long" at all; rest of that sentence explains pretty well
Maybe rephrase as "Before she reached the end..."
"small room dining room" - You can probably kick out that first 'room'
p13 lol!
oh, but it's "enunciate"
p31 did she live near an Amish town?
Still, it's good to get the characters introduced. Does this kid run the inn himself? How old is he? I guess I'll have to read on to find out.


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Ys, that is one thing about Crystel that I a actually fond of (gullibility (sp?) I mean) although I do beleve she sould tone it dow a bit. Also, I won give away much, o rather I will try not to, but here is a reason she isn't freked out by all this. you probbly won't fin it out in hat I have up, ut one day I will post again, and if you would be so wonderful as to pick back p on the story all that time from now, ou wil find out.
When I go back and Edit I will mentin Isaac working alone. All his workers quit, so he's trying to do it himself. Then Crystel omes, and in that copy, she will wrk for him a bit. He'sprety young, althouh, there is a reason for that too (why he is living on his own when he is so oung I mean.) Thank you so verymuch for commentig.
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Isaac is a very interesting person.. I'm not sure if hes good or bad. I'm getting mixed signals.. lol... I like him so far. Maybe he was just grumpy from being tired. Crystal kinda annoys me a bit. I like that shes adventurous but idk.. She just has an annoying personality to me. But I'll see what happens because my perspective on people changes a lot. Thanks for the awesome read.
Sabrina
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My little conclusion on Isaac: He makes me laugh. i don't really know what to think of him, other than that. The 'I guess I'll buy you supplies. But that's all!' bit was funny to me (don't ask why, something are just funny to me.) At this point he kind of sounds like he thinks Crystel is a cutie and is shy. But I don't know. heheh. Well, on to the next chapter for me! I love the story, by the way! :]
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Hmm, I think Crystel takes this too easily. It's like she was expecting it... Or DOES she expect it? Does she rememeber those dreams, even a little? Subconsciously?
Isaac is a good character; well defined, interesting... Is he going to be one of her ppl though? I predict that he won't, but he'll still help her. Then again, what do I know, lol
Well, I'll be back again for more <3 Great work!
Eph -
Sorry, I hit the 'submit comment button too soon. Here you go.


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Hmmm. I really liked this one, too. I found a few mistakes, probably no more than the others but I suspect you got in a hurry again or something of that sort. You also repeated the phrase 'the night before' a few too many times in the first couple of paragraphs. You may want to reword just the phrases or the whole sentences so it doesn't seem so repetitive. Also, some of the dialouge was a little....off I guess is the word. It just didn't seem like something someone would say or how they'd say it. Like when he explained the prophecy I would imagine it with a little more mystery and hesitance. I also thought the way she accepted it was a little unrealistic, even being as gullible as she is.
Okay, now that the horrible job of being a critique(sp?) is done, it's time for all the praise that comes with it. First, the flow of things was spectacular, except for those few phrases, and even then I could find few choppy places. I love the characters, well mostly Issac, in this one. The suspense is great and I can't wait to find out what is coming. I love the descriptions and my favorite part was: Isaac's face suddenly turned bright red. “W-what…me?” He backed away a little “No.” He said, “I mean, no!” He yelled this time, “Why would you want me to come? It makes no sense.” It just seems so human and it's simple but you feel the embarrasment.
Okay, now that I have probably made your eyes fall out from all of my talking...err...typing, I'll just leave you these little things called applause and go.
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