blood flow

Lying on the floor my hands grasping on my sides. I can't breathe every breath i attempt to take is choked off by this invisible pain crushing my insides. I cant sleep-everytime i close my eyes i see her..i see her face and hear her deliciously sweet voice. I lie there pathically thinking about what could have been, would and should have been but now she's gone never to come back into my life to tell me to just hold on and everything will be okay..no shes truely gone. I bit my lip to stop the agonizing love sickness of scream escape my lips. "Why'd you leave?" i heard myself say but only the pitter patter of raindrops hitting the roof answer. I weakily get up and stumble over to the bathroom making sure i close the door silently behind me not wanting to wake my mother. I stare into the mirror at my reflection i have bloodshot eyes from nonstop crying, and dark circle under my eyes from 4 sleepless nights. I open the cabinet to see a razor lying there, i pick it up and stroke its razor sharp edge1

with my thumb falling peicfully into its deadly trance. "Take this pain away." I whisper.. and slide the sharp object across my bare skin,pressing deeper i let out a low whimper as i feel all that pain being released. I bit my lip and shut my eyes silencing the scream gathering at my throat. My legs go out from under me collapsing to the floor. I lay there in a fetal position with the razor still in hand..i let the blood fall on my moms carpet..for at the moment i'm numb and serene. A cry escaped my throat as the memory of my love came back..and as i realize i have to live with out her. I take that razor back up to my arm and begin slicing deeper. Feeling the razor glide gracfully across my skin i exhale and watch the blood flow out of me...