All rights reserved1
© Copyright held by the writer2
B Evans. 3
CHAPTER ONE 4
“One day at a time Pat, let’s wait and see when we get there,” but Pat was already piling old photographs onto the table from a well-worn box.5
“Whew, she whistled.”6
“Yes,” her mother smiled choosing a few pictures at random, “these are all of you and your darned horses.”7
“I think that we should take some of these with us, don‘t you?”8
“Mm Just a couple then, let’s not overdo it,” her mother called back as she turned and left the room to answer the front door.9
‘Just a couple’ she sighed, but which couple. She smiled at the picture of a three year=old with tight blond curls sitting confidently on her first pony. It seemed to stand out10
from the rest. ‘That’s it’ she thought, one from then and one from now.11
She raced to the bedroom for the framed photo taken just last week of herself, dusty and dishevelled being presented with the winner’s cup.12
The race had been a gruelling cross-country event, a dozen competent riders all-vying to hold the prestigious cup for another year. It was her second win. At fifteen the youngest ever to win it, now at sixteen the youngest ever to win twice, so the cup returned home with her.13
The thrill of the race was in her blood, where it came from no one knew, there was no trace of competitors of any kind in the recent family. Her father was a gentle fifth generation Australian of English decent and a surgeon, very successful, like his doctor14
father before him, anyway she rather liked the idea that it was all her own.15
Her mind went back to Saturday at the presentation, after the photographs when Barney, the owner of the pet store in town, presented her with his copy of the monthly ‘Horse Watch’ magazine.16
“Read it.,” he said17
She quickly scanned the few short words he had marked, then looked up at him with a mouth wide open. She couldn’t speak so she just tapped her finger on her chest in a ‘me?‘ gesture. Barney nodded his head,18
“You have at least earned the chance. Go for it girl,”19
That night she read it out to her father,20
“Seth Hennessy is looking for a young apprentice jockey at their stables in Sydney, must have some riding experience.” He looked at her for a long moment,21
“Mum and I have talked about it,” she blurted “breaking the silence and she agrees it’s a great opportunity.” 22
“You don’t want to do this Pat, there can’t be many more than a handful of successful women jockey’s in the whole world right now.23
“You are only adding another reason for me to go after it dad.”24
I tell you it’s a dangerous occupation, I have patched a few of them up myself.”25
“Dad! It can be dangerous to be rich and live in a big house like this, she flapped her arms in frustration but you and mother wouldn’t have it any other way.26
“Let me think about It.” he returned to his crossword.27
“I have an interview tomorrow.,“ she told him sheepishly. He sighed an impatient sigh.28
“Does he know you are a girl?”29
“I em, I don’t know, I suppose so, I don’t sound mannish, do I?”30
No, Seth Hennessy didn’t know she was a girl, nor could he hide his surprise or his embarrassment when they met When he got over the initial shock, he held both her hands making her grip his, testing her strength. He was impressed with her years of riding and how well she seated and controlled the large animal the stable foreman brought into the yard for her. 31
“It’s all pretty much ok,” he told her “but now we have to change it all to --our way.”32
“Have I got the job then,” He looked at her, a smile forming, scratching his head with something like disbelief at his own action.33
“Well let’s say a six week trial first, starting tomorrow. Be here at two pm sharp, we’re busy. 34
That was how it all began and over the next five years, Seth and his son Leyton showed her only kindness and respect.35
She and Leyton were the same age and they worked well together. He was never late those early mornings, no matter the weather, rain snow or shine; he never shirked a job or took advantage of her ‘feline status,” (as he would often remind her) or of himself being the boss’ son.36
“You’ll do,” he told her one day after she had been there little more than a year. I want you to know that dad couldn’t have chosen a better replacement.37
“Replacement, for what, who?”38
“Me! I’m going to America. I’m too tall now for racing so I am looking to get into all aspects of thoroughbred breeding and managerial skills. You my girl are going to the39
races.”40
“Oh Leyton.” she squealed, throwing her arms around his neck, knowing exactly what it meant for her.”41
“When are you going?”42
“Well you don’t have to look so pleased, I’m going tomorrow, but I have to say goodbye now.” On impulse with her arms still around his neck he leaned forward and kissed her on the brow, then lightly on her lips.43
“Good luck he told her his voice softening a little. I’ll be watching out for you all the way.”44
As he walked out of sight Pat almost felt tears welling but swallowed their unwelcome presence away, she hadn’t cried since she was a baby.45
Two new stable boy’s replaced Leyton making them three now. This meant Pat would be doing less mucking out, more track-work, gallops and grooming, at least that is what Dave the stable manager (who had been with Seth for eight years,) told her Seth had planned for her.46
She already had three wins under her belt, not bad for a beginner with only a dozen rides, they all encouraged her.47
True to his word she was soon getting more rides and driving her own little car to the country meetings, looking out for herself in an undisputed world of men.48
“I wonder,“ one sharp young jockey snarled at her after the weigh in her first day at the Bathurst track. 49
“What makes this little girl think that she can run with the men.”? Pat looked at him wit wide velvet blue eyes her soft blond curls stirring in the breeze, lips parted but silent she ran her tongue over the purple-pink lip-gloss, threw back her shoulders, even in her racing silks, no matter what their colour, it was quite clear that she was no longer a girl, but a beautiful young woman. Standing head to head alongside him she purred. 50
“You’ll never know.“51
There would be a lot more of it coming at her over the next couple of years, some good banter, some blatant jealousy, but she learned how to handle it by-52
“Only doing it your way mate,” she repeatedly taunted them. She even dated some of them, Miles Davidson for instance they often had nights out together in the city for a show and a meal, or sometimes just a day at the beach and a movie, he was a good friend.53
“If you can get the time off, would you like to come to Fiji with me for a week, Joe blurted54
Taken aback at first, she said the first thing that came into her head,55
“So long as it is strictly business,”56
“Tis only the pleasure of your fine company I’m after Pat, he jested.57
“Then would you leave Pat at home and settle for the company of Patricia.”58
“That I would,” He picked her up and swung her around, “I’ll make all the arrangements59
tomorrow, Get yourself a passport.60
“I’ve got one.” 61
“Then get a bikini and some tennis shoes, I’m going to learn you how to play golf. 62
Fiji was all of those things and more. Pat had never had so much freedom so much fun, so much romance, She fell eagerly into his waiting arms, then into his bed, breaking all the promises she had made to herself about keeping herself for the man she would to marry, One thing was certain it was not going to be Miles Davidson. “He was a lesson waiting to happen,” was how she explained away to herself her fall from grace, I’ll have to watch out for that old lady they call Fate. 63
CHAPTER TWO64
Pat knew she was growing, not only in confidence; she was physically, super fit. She spent most of her leisure time at the gym, started lifting weights, went swimming every evening throughout the, long hot summers.65
‘A quick ten laps before they finish the evening meal,’ she thought slipping into the wonderfully tepid water of the ’big house’ pool. Slowly at first, then building up to a speed-burst finish as always, It never got that far because suddenly she was fighting to free herself from whatever was pulling her down, and when she finally did, she shot to the top gasping for air. When she saw a male body, the obvious culprit, she blew.66
“You flaming dick-head,” her voice trailed off as her eyes cleared of water. “Leyton, 67
“Oh blessed mother Mary when did you get back.” 68
“Just last night, Come on lap-lady give it a it a rest. You are late for dinner.”69
“I wasn’t going to have any tonight, I have two rides tomorrow and with the Golden Slipper coming up, I need to keep on top of my weight. 70
“You need to have the energy to carry you both around the track, you and that horse and that means food, Come on I’m going to cook us both a good steak,”71
Over the smoke of the barbeque, Leyton explained.72
”I shouldn’t even be here, I was in Singapore in negotiations for a certain thoroughbred. Then the cartel rang to tell me that, if I could wind the deal up fast and for their specified price certain price I could come home for Christmas. So here I am, plus a nice bonus and still three days to go before Christmas.73
“Oh! but I am going home after the races tomorrow, ”she wailed.74
He put his arm around her shoulder drawing her close.75
“We can’t keep meeting like this,” he said, “I want to spend some time with you. I have waited a long time, do you realise I have been away nearly four years.”76
She tingled a little at their closeness; such a calm comforting tremble grew as he pressed his lips firmly against her own again and again, leaving her breathless until she77
almost wilted.78
“I have to be up very early,” she pulled herself away.79
“What say you wait, spend Christmas morning here, then in the evening we drive over to be with your parents.? he wanted to know.80
“What say we talk about it tomorrow, “I really am tired.” 81
In her room, She suddenly knew why no other man had really been able to interest her, she wanted Leyton Hennessey. There had been two brief spells in the last four years when he had come home for a couple of days, when they had been inseperable. She 82
wanted more. 83
Sleep was a long time coming.it seemed she had only just closed her eyes when the alarm buzzed. She lay there as long as she dare, then dressed and made a coffee to drink on the way to the stables.84
Leyton was already there talking to Dave, his shoulders slumped. 85
“Did the Queen die?” she quipped,86
“Dad had a stroke last night, I’ve just got back from the hospital.”87
“Oh my godfather how is he?”88
“Not good, but its too early to tell yet.”89
“It’s a miracle that you could be here. What can we do?”90
“Nothing yet, it’s a waiting game. Where are your rides today Pat? 91
“Randwick,”92
“Ok. Dave, once the horse-boxes are away, come up to the office. Good luck at Randwick Pat.”93
She nodded, her head fighting with the two problem’s Seth’s stroke and her rides, the rides won. She kept her head free of any stress until she was sitting astride Speck of Lightning in the second race. It was a good race even coming home fourth, as it had not been expected to win. The owner took the reins from her,94
“Thanks Pat, now we know he can do the distance. He’s ready.”95
In race four she was on Sam Citty. it really was amazing what people called their horses she mused, waiting at the starting96
gate for the gates to close behind them all. She glanced around, these guy’s were all top jockey’s no slackers here. Especially Dick Lawson. He knew all her form, now he was smiling that wicked smile of his that pissed everyone off when he thought he was 97
on a winning streak. With only a mile to go she kept abreast of the front four riders all the way until she heard the familiar voice behind the wicked smile calling.98
“I’m coming through.99
“Not on your life, she dug her knees in,100
“Go Sam go, you’re my boy, she cracked the whip head to head with Dick Lawson,”101
“Its yours Sam, Its yours, take it. She urged the beast with every bone in her body and the horse pulled its way past the post a winner, by a full head.102
In the winners circle the horse was led away and she was left sweaty and dusty beforean immaculately dressed owner. 103
“I’m Chris Vise, he held out a hand.104
“I Know, I saw your picture in a magazine,” she took his firm handshake. “You’re the Englishman who bought Sam Citty and wants to take him back to England.”105
“I’ve seen your picture too,” he grinned admiringly. “I was wondering,
"would you have dinner with me.? 106
Author notes
This is a completed story of seven thousand words I am posting a snippet of it here for critical and honest comment please
Comments
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oops, forgot- it was a very good commenting, it showed you must really have read and understood the story and language even from a small snippet. I will edit and find some time for it.
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Thank you so very much for this Alby. it was my first venture into something I really wanted to do.(put something out and find if I had anything to really offer)
And yes my punctuation is atrocious but once I get going I hate to stop.
I agree It Is missing any lengthy value in the content as it was written for a New Idea or Womans day comp and the word count was an allownnce for a short story only and very restricting, I intended to add to it for one of those tiny-- womans paper-back novels, but never got around to it yet, although now that I have some encouragement, from yourself,I may get around to throwing my luck out there.
I think you would like the one I am writing now but I want it to be much longer and really involved, (although I may have to get some tips off you re the love interest,
How is your foot. mine keeps swelling, but i have no time to stop,
I miss your poetry, have you any more yet. if you just want to stay involved quietly, try some more haiku, it can really be interesting.
keep well.
Peace
Ronnica -
Dear Ronnica.
I found your story kept me captivated the whole time. It was easy to read and interesting. In these two small chapters you introduce the reader to many characters and are taken to many places including overseas to Fiji. I like to be taken on a journey in a story. Although I'm not into horse racing, the story you weave around this subject makes the setting one which anyone could relate to; and by not using any difficult horse lingo/jargon it appeals to the horse racing novice.
Some points of critique...
I'm not sure if I should mention it as I know this is probably a rough draft, but you have quite a few errors when punctuating with quotation marks. And a couple of odd spelling mistakes, so you may just want to do a proof read.
Chapter one
between 52-53 I felt it was disjointed and didn't flow between these two paragraphs, as if something is missing?
There are two places which I thought you could have expanded on, rather than saying things so straight out...These are:
1) "She fell eagerly into his waiting arms, then into his bed, breaking all the promises she had made to herself about keeping herself for the man she would to marry"(63)
I would have liked to read the whole encounter of how she fell into his arms and seeing as though this was her first time ever to have made love, would have preferred some description of the event and the feelings attached to it. Which would give the encounter more importance, as I think the first time for any girl is a memory never to be forgotten.
2)Chapter Two
"In her room, She suddenly knew why no other man had really been able to interest her, she wanted Leyton Hennessey" (82)
Again with this statement, I think you could elaborate more here to create a higher sense of her awakening realisation that she does actually want this guy.
I am not sure if my suggestions are off base as I don't know what age group of readers you are targeting, but these are the suggestions that I see.
Your characters are likeable, easy to understand and relate to. But most of all you are left wanting to read more, which goes to show it's a great read.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful talent here and best of luck with your whole completed piece. You have such varied talent my friend.
alby



beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
