Crystel’s eyes snapped open, perspiration dotted lightly on her brow, and her chest heaving. She sat up and felt her chest in which her heart pounded. Her room was too dark to see anything but the moonbeams that shone into her window. She quickly reached for the lamp and turned it on. The familiar clutter that was spread throughout her room calmed her slightly. She shivered, unsure why she was so shaken up. She rarely had nightmares, in fact her dreams were normally just plain weird. But this one seemed different, she wasn’t sure how.1
After about a half hour of just sitting there, Crystel had calmed down, but still, she knew that she would not be able to get back to sleep even if she tried. So she eventually got up out of bed, throwing the covers up over her shoulders, and making her way out of her room. 2
When she stepped out, the darkness once again surrounded her. She was about to turn on the lights of the hallway when the thought of waking up her parents popped into mind. With this thought, she blindly proceeded down the dark hall way and into the living room. A large window allowed the moon’s light in, so she could see her way to the back door , where she stepped out into the closed-in porch. 3
The air outside was chilly, but she had expected that much. She held her blanket closer to her, then sat down on the old rickety swing that hung in the corner. It creaked back and forth, a familiar sensation that had always calmed her since she was a baby. The moonlight that shone upon her skin, however, was the thing she had always believed the real source of inner peace. 4
As she rocked, her mind wandered to the dream she had just had. She remembered very little, just little snippets like the rain and wind that blew so dangerously hard, and the cold, hatred-filled voices. Something about the dream, about the feeling of magic and excitement, reminded her of fairy-tales she had read. She sighed. ‘I wonder what it would be like if I were to be given the opportunity to go somplace like that,’ she thought, ‘ I think I would like it, but then, how can I say that when I’ve never been there.’ She sighed lightly, ‘Is it really fantasy if it’s reality?’ 5
The night drew on, and Crystels eyes began to grow heavy again, ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she thought, ‘I think if I were given the choice to go anywhere in the world, it would be that place.’6
Crystel’s head dropped, and she fell into a dreamless sleep.7
“Our mountains are high, we stare down below, 8
and gaze at our new queen our old summer’s gold.9
But power is deadly and blackens the soul10
She knows of our heartache but crushes us so.”11
Crystel bolted awake for the second time that night, hearing the soft song. She looked around. A strange mist had blown in, clouding the world around her . Crystel shivered, finding that dream even stranger then her one before. Crystel stood up, deciding she would be able to go back to sleep now. But right before she turned the door knob, the strange eerie voice echoed again, only this time she was wide awake to hear it.12
“We now wait in darkness for night to bring day.13
All hope we once felt has long ago died away14
But the wise owl spoke of a glimmer of light15
A young maiden by the name of Crystel White.”16
Crystel looked through the porch window at the world she was presently blinded to. “Hello?” she called. 17
No answer came from the mist, although Crystel didn’t really expect one either. 18
Crystel had never been particularly hard to convince of things such as magic. Even she herself had thought if it in secret before, deciding that seventeen wasn’t quite old enough to live a life of doubt. And now, as she looked out that window, so many thoughts ran through her head, of the possibilities that could occur, if she only walked out that door. 19
So slowly and cautiously, she stepped forward, past the porch swing and to the door, until she was right in front of it. Crystel saw a very faint, almost invisible light shining in the near distance. It was hard to see through the mist, but still so obviously there. Crystel put her hand onto the door knob, and stepped out. 20
She was then sure of what it was she wanted to do. And before she herself knew what she was doing, she ran towards the distant sparkle. It startled her slightly as it began to move away from her, but she did not stop.21
“STOP!” she yelled to it. Crystel ran almost faster then her legs could carry her, seeing the small light begin to grow closer and closer, when suddenly, something hooked onto her foot, and she felt herself begin to fall forward, the light disappearing into the distant fog. 22
Crystel felt her heart break from disappointment, and she stood up, her knee bleeding from the unfortunate fall. She knew nothing else to do but to unhappily make he way home.23
So Crystel headed back in the direction she came from, but as she walked, nothing familiar seemed to show up. And after what Crystel had to guess was about an hour, she realized that she was hopelessly lost. For what she saw she was approaching was a large group of houses, all of them without porch lights, and made of wood. More like what she had read in books that houses looked like back in the 1800’s, but still much different.24
Curiosity got the best of her, and she quietly approached a house and, despite the rudeness of awakening someone in the night, knocked three times on the door. 25
A man opened the door after a few moments, his hair messed up, and a grey beard hanging from his chin. “Yeah?” he asked, voice vague from tiredness.26
“H-hi,” Crystel sighed, “I’m sorry for waking you up but…” Crystel felt her face grow scarlet.27
“No problems, young lady,” he said, his voice sounding friendly, “what can I do for you?”28
Crystel was very pleased and relieved by this response, and smiled, “I went for a... walk because I couldn’t get to sleep. Now I’m lost, can I borrow your phone?”29
The man looked her over, “Phone?” he asked.30
Crystel nodded sheepishly, confused herself over his confused tone. 31
“I’m afraid I don’t have one,” he said.32
“Oh,” Crystel said, suddenly feeing unnecessarily excited, “W-well, then, do you know who does?”33
“No,” he said, “ In fact, I don’t think anyone in this town has heard of one.”34
“Oh,” sighed Crystel, “Well, sorry for bothering you.” She turned to leave, wondering what she was going to do now.35
“Wait,” he said, “Do you have a place to stay until morning?”36
Crystel turned around and shook her head, “Not really, no,” she said, “But I’ll be fine.”37
“Wait , no,” the man said with a friendly smile, “there’s an inn over there.” He pointed into the mist to her left, “Even though it’s foggy, you can’t miss it. It’s a Nuse inn. Hold on..” He went inside, then came back out with a small pouch, “Here’s some money for it.”38
Crysel looked at him smiling. “No, I couldn’t,” she said politely, but greatly appreciating the suggestion.39
“Yes, you can. I would hate to see a pretty young lady like you sleep in the street.” And with that, he went back into his house.40
Crystel immediately poured out the money into her palm, and was surprised when only strange foreign coins fell out. Her excitement came back, and she went quickly to the inn, but when she saw the sign the man had said would be there and walked up the steps, she tripped clumsily over her night gown, and, obeying the laws of gravity, she fell and hit her face on the door hard. “OW!’ she shouted, getting up and rubbing her sore nose. 41
Before she had time to knock, or even get up, the door opened, and gazing down at Crystel, who was gingerly rubbing her crimson nose, stood a young man about Crystel's age with dark, lazy brown eyes half open with bags hanging heavily under them, and very dark hair that stuck sloppily up in more directions than Crystel had thought hair could stand. 42
"What?" he grumbled lazily.43
"Ummmm" Crystel said quietly, feeling bad for having woken him, "May I have a room for the night, please?"44
Without a word, he grabbed her arm, pulling her up, and led her to a room. "Pay in th'morning." he mumbled and left. 45
Crystel looked at the door as it closed behind him, then at the room. She walked over to the bed and laid down in it, confusion and curiosity spinning in her head. But before long, she felt her dizzy brain grow weary, and she quickly drifted to sleep.
After about a half hour of just sitting there, Crystel had calmed down, but still, she knew that she would not be able to get back to sleep even if she tried. So she eventually got up out of bed, throwing the covers up over her shoulders, and making her way out of her room. 2
When she stepped out, the darkness once again surrounded her. She was about to turn on the lights of the hallway when the thought of waking up her parents popped into mind. With this thought, she blindly proceeded down the dark hall way and into the living room. A large window allowed the moon’s light in, so she could see her way to the back door , where she stepped out into the closed-in porch. 3
The air outside was chilly, but she had expected that much. She held her blanket closer to her, then sat down on the old rickety swing that hung in the corner. It creaked back and forth, a familiar sensation that had always calmed her since she was a baby. The moonlight that shone upon her skin, however, was the thing she had always believed the real source of inner peace. 4
As she rocked, her mind wandered to the dream she had just had. She remembered very little, just little snippets like the rain and wind that blew so dangerously hard, and the cold, hatred-filled voices. Something about the dream, about the feeling of magic and excitement, reminded her of fairy-tales she had read. She sighed. ‘I wonder what it would be like if I were to be given the opportunity to go somplace like that,’ she thought, ‘ I think I would like it, but then, how can I say that when I’ve never been there.’ She sighed lightly, ‘Is it really fantasy if it’s reality?’ 5
The night drew on, and Crystels eyes began to grow heavy again, ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she thought, ‘I think if I were given the choice to go anywhere in the world, it would be that place.’6
Crystel’s head dropped, and she fell into a dreamless sleep.7
“Our mountains are high, we stare down below, 8
and gaze at our new queen our old summer’s gold.9
But power is deadly and blackens the soul10
She knows of our heartache but crushes us so.”11
Crystel bolted awake for the second time that night, hearing the soft song. She looked around. A strange mist had blown in, clouding the world around her . Crystel shivered, finding that dream even stranger then her one before. Crystel stood up, deciding she would be able to go back to sleep now. But right before she turned the door knob, the strange eerie voice echoed again, only this time she was wide awake to hear it.12
“We now wait in darkness for night to bring day.13
All hope we once felt has long ago died away14
But the wise owl spoke of a glimmer of light15
A young maiden by the name of Crystel White.”16
Crystel looked through the porch window at the world she was presently blinded to. “Hello?” she called. 17
No answer came from the mist, although Crystel didn’t really expect one either. 18
Crystel had never been particularly hard to convince of things such as magic. Even she herself had thought if it in secret before, deciding that seventeen wasn’t quite old enough to live a life of doubt. And now, as she looked out that window, so many thoughts ran through her head, of the possibilities that could occur, if she only walked out that door. 19
So slowly and cautiously, she stepped forward, past the porch swing and to the door, until she was right in front of it. Crystel saw a very faint, almost invisible light shining in the near distance. It was hard to see through the mist, but still so obviously there. Crystel put her hand onto the door knob, and stepped out. 20
She was then sure of what it was she wanted to do. And before she herself knew what she was doing, she ran towards the distant sparkle. It startled her slightly as it began to move away from her, but she did not stop.21
“STOP!” she yelled to it. Crystel ran almost faster then her legs could carry her, seeing the small light begin to grow closer and closer, when suddenly, something hooked onto her foot, and she felt herself begin to fall forward, the light disappearing into the distant fog. 22
Crystel felt her heart break from disappointment, and she stood up, her knee bleeding from the unfortunate fall. She knew nothing else to do but to unhappily make he way home.23
So Crystel headed back in the direction she came from, but as she walked, nothing familiar seemed to show up. And after what Crystel had to guess was about an hour, she realized that she was hopelessly lost. For what she saw she was approaching was a large group of houses, all of them without porch lights, and made of wood. More like what she had read in books that houses looked like back in the 1800’s, but still much different.24
Curiosity got the best of her, and she quietly approached a house and, despite the rudeness of awakening someone in the night, knocked three times on the door. 25
A man opened the door after a few moments, his hair messed up, and a grey beard hanging from his chin. “Yeah?” he asked, voice vague from tiredness.26
“H-hi,” Crystel sighed, “I’m sorry for waking you up but…” Crystel felt her face grow scarlet.27
“No problems, young lady,” he said, his voice sounding friendly, “what can I do for you?”28
Crystel was very pleased and relieved by this response, and smiled, “I went for a... walk because I couldn’t get to sleep. Now I’m lost, can I borrow your phone?”29
The man looked her over, “Phone?” he asked.30
Crystel nodded sheepishly, confused herself over his confused tone. 31
“I’m afraid I don’t have one,” he said.32
“Oh,” Crystel said, suddenly feeing unnecessarily excited, “W-well, then, do you know who does?”33
“No,” he said, “ In fact, I don’t think anyone in this town has heard of one.”34
“Oh,” sighed Crystel, “Well, sorry for bothering you.” She turned to leave, wondering what she was going to do now.35
“Wait,” he said, “Do you have a place to stay until morning?”36
Crystel turned around and shook her head, “Not really, no,” she said, “But I’ll be fine.”37
“Wait , no,” the man said with a friendly smile, “there’s an inn over there.” He pointed into the mist to her left, “Even though it’s foggy, you can’t miss it. It’s a Nuse inn. Hold on..” He went inside, then came back out with a small pouch, “Here’s some money for it.”38
Crysel looked at him smiling. “No, I couldn’t,” she said politely, but greatly appreciating the suggestion.39
“Yes, you can. I would hate to see a pretty young lady like you sleep in the street.” And with that, he went back into his house.40
Crystel immediately poured out the money into her palm, and was surprised when only strange foreign coins fell out. Her excitement came back, and she went quickly to the inn, but when she saw the sign the man had said would be there and walked up the steps, she tripped clumsily over her night gown, and, obeying the laws of gravity, she fell and hit her face on the door hard. “OW!’ she shouted, getting up and rubbing her sore nose. 41
Before she had time to knock, or even get up, the door opened, and gazing down at Crystel, who was gingerly rubbing her crimson nose, stood a young man about Crystel's age with dark, lazy brown eyes half open with bags hanging heavily under them, and very dark hair that stuck sloppily up in more directions than Crystel had thought hair could stand. 42
"What?" he grumbled lazily.43
"Ummmm" Crystel said quietly, feeling bad for having woken him, "May I have a room for the night, please?"44
Without a word, he grabbed her arm, pulling her up, and led her to a room. "Pay in th'morning." he mumbled and left. 45
Crystel looked at the door as it closed behind him, then at the room. She walked over to the bed and laid down in it, confusion and curiosity spinning in her head. But before long, she felt her dizzy brain grow weary, and she quickly drifted to sleep.
Author notes
This is the beginning, My actually complete, edited Last draft. Please, Be honest, and PREDICT PREDICT PREDICT. The Prologue is important so If your going to read this, read the prologue first.
just tell me if you like it. I understand the grammers not great. knock your self out with that critisism, but I am already working on it.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like the way she entered the other realm. You never came out and said it, yet it was clear to me (if not to her) that she was somewhere else.
I kept expecting her to show surprise or confusion or some reaction at all to finding herself lost in a strange town when she should have been in her own neighborhood. Maybe she's too darn sleepy to really notice, but it would have been good to mention that, too.
Some suggestions for ya:
p5 someplace
never been there?
p6 Crystel's
I think the song needs some punctuation or something in p9. maybe a comma after 'queen'?
seventeen wasn’t quite old enough to live a life of doubt - nice line!
A good start, but I'm not really attached to the main character yet. If you edit this ever again, maybe consider introducing her a little more to me. All I've got so far is that she has dreams and parents. Oh, and a swing.


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i luvd it. there were a few grammar mistakes but nothing too serious. i think crystel is gonna fall in luv w/ the inn keeper boy.


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lol, well, they certainly do get a relationship... maybe not the kind your thinking of, but he is a big part of the book. I have a lot of this story up, well.. not nearly all of it, but quite a few chapters. I'm glad you're reading it, This book I do intend to stick with untill the end, I 'm just taking a break.
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Amazing job. So she is in a magical land now huh? That sounds so amazing. How lucky Crystal is. I wish I was here. I can tell this is going to be really good.
Sabrina
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Nice job!
I just found one spelling mistake - Paragraph 5 - remebered should be remembered -
whoo!
i love it so far! keep writing!!! -
‘Is it really fantasy if it’s reality?’ That's a cool line.
Yay, nice poem that you put in there
So... Crystel is from the present, but has travelled to this other world? Aw, this guy is nice. Gotta love the kindness of strangers.
I can seriously imagine this as a published book. Hmm, predictions.... can't say at the moment cos I don't know enough of what's going on, but I'll get back to you.
By the way, I like the innkeeper ^^ 'Pay in a morning.' *goes back to bed* Lol at that <3
Will read more! Tally-ho!
Eph -
Another WOW!!
This one was utterly amazing too. I did find a few missing letters here and there like you got in a rush and missed one while typing but nothing rereading won't fix. There were also a few odd sentences and some grammar mistakes but I suck at those so I won't give suggestion or anything and again, of you did a quick scan over it won't be hard to fix.
Now, onto the storyline. I absolutely love it. The characters seem so real and you can relate to them easily even in the first chapter. I also can't wait to see what the Inn Boy's(I'm gonna call him that until he gets a name.) part in this story is gonna be. I also love how Crystel still has no clue where she is eventhough the reader knows exactly what's going on. And also, the littel chant/song adds an amazing dramatic effect to it.
Anyways, I can't wait for the next chapter now so hurry and finish it.


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