Kyle was worried. Lines crossed his forehead like strings on a violin. He was pacing back and forth in front of Master Brock's door as I slipped out. Dust puffed up with every step, gathering by his brown wavy head in a cloud. He didn't notice me at first, so intent on reducing his fingernail to the quick. 1
I stood at the door watching him closely, noticing the long length of his legs and the way his muscles bunched just underneath the fabric of his pants and the way his shirt stretched across his broad shoulders. I shook myself from the direction my thoughts were taking.2
The sunlight felt good against my chilled skin. The stale air and the smell of jasmine climbing the wall of the dining hall hung heavily in the air around us. 3
I cleared my throat. "Kyle?" I waited for a moment. When he didn't stop, I tried again. "Kyle, will you stop that?" I grabbed his arm and got rewarded with a mouthful of dust. I coughed as he finally saw me. 4
"How'd it go?" he asked, taking his finger out of his mouth.5
I shrugged. “Kyle,” I said softly, touching his arm. "Kyle, do you think it’s strange that the volcano erupted when we were arguing on Deter Seven?"6
He glanced at where I was resting my hand. I blushed a little and could feel my cheeks become warmer. I knew he was reading more into the gesture than I meant it to. I wanted him to know how important this was to me. So I used his feelings to make sure he knew. Maybe what I said next would be easier because of it. He shrugged before answering. "I'm not sure. Nothing like it has ever happened before. I talked to Carmen after coming back from D7 and she hasn't heard of anyone else doing it either.”7
"Strange. I wonder if Master Ruben would know. When I talked to him after we returned, he didn't seem particularly upset or interested. Just absentminded, like normal. I wonder?" I let my thoughts drift. 8
I started walking towards the outcrop of buildings where the Mastercreator's workroom was located. I debated with myself on whether to tell Kyle about the scale or tell him about the apple tree. I jumped right in without coming to a decision. "The last world I was on, I was thinking about when I was young and with my father. Somehow, I started thinking of apples. Well, the elm tree next to me turned into an apple tree."9
He stopped quickly, causing me to run into his elbow.10
"Ouch," I yelped and backed away.11
"Sorry," Kyle mumbled. "What do you mean the elm turned into an apple?"12
I started walking again, Kyle skipped to catch up to me. "What I mean is the elm tree's serrated leaves turned into the oval leaves of an apple and apples started to grow."13
Silence descended on us, as if we were in a bubble, but all around us the shrieks and giggles of the students echoed off the stone buildings as they hurried to their next class. Dust gathered at their feel. It looked like an early morning fog had rolled in. The dirt left a gritty feel in my mouth and I longed for a drink. Kyle and I pushed our way through the crowd.14
I watched Kyle's face as he processed what I had told him. His forehead crinkled while taking it all in and his lips thinned out until they all but disappeared. Then his face smoothed out when he wanted more information.15
"So, you influence your surroundings?" He asked as he pulled me to a stop.16
"As far as I can see yes, but I'm not sure I alone can cause a volcano to erupt." I turned from him.17
I heard him take a swift breath before he spoke. "Are you saying that I helped?"18
"I'm not sure. Trees are simple." We were approaching the Jumping Circle and the crowd was thinning out. Along the path, mature Aspen trees grew. Their almost round leaves shaded the two of us from the afternoon sun, as we continued on our way to Mastercreator Ruben’s study. Between the Aspens, white trunks grew saplings, too young yet for me to identify with.19
"Stop." I ordered Kyle.20
Kyle stopped and a small breeze blew stray strands of curly hair across his sun-kissed cheeks. He absently brushed them away.21
I focused my thoughts on a thin limb. As we watched, the willowy stick shrunk while turning a dark shade of green. When it reached two feet, small leaves sprouted from the side and a white multi-petal head peeked out from the green stem.22
"A daisy?" Kyle asked astonished.23
"Yeah, a daisy. I was thinking about the flower box that was just outside our kitchen window when I was little." I sighed deeply. "This is what happens and when our emotions get involved it magnifies."24
"So if I were to concentrate on the daisy with you, what would happen?"25
I shook my head and the movement caused my hair to brush across my shoulders. "I'm not sure. Maybe a lot of daisies or something bigger."26
Kyle started walking briskly again towards Master Ruben’s. "We will figure this out. What else did Master Brock say?"27
I skipped a couple of times to catch up to him. Freshly turned dirt reached my nose and I scratched it before answering him. "He says I'm a distraction and then he started in on what our Master thought of me. It was really strange."28
We had reached the building that held Mastercreator Ruben's workroom. It was as plain as Master Brock’s was, but here there was a lived-in feel to it. Boxes were stacked just outside the entrance so high they threatened to fall over. Miscellaneous branches and sacks of vegetation were laid haphazardly across the entryway and we gingerly stepped over the debris.29
Kyle stopped just outside the main door. “Do you want me to come with you?"30
I thought for a moment. It would be nice to have Kyle’s strong presence standing beside me; but, in the end, I knew I needed to do this alone. "No, I think I'd better see him by myself."31
He squeezed my shoulder gently before speaking, "I’ll be in the second level library trying to find some reference to what you've-we've been doing. Come find me there."32
I nodded slowly, my mind already on Master Ruben.33
He walked away and then turned back before reaching the exit. "I haven't forgotten about the serpent. I will be waiting for the details."
Author notes
Ok I've changed some with the suggestions and prodding of eyeambaldman
4/4/08
In a list
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Sweet! This was an awesome chapter.
she could be like a super nature person. that would be awesome. I really love Kyle and the way two of them react to each other. 
This story is great and I'll continue to read it. Awesome job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I liked this chapter a lot more than I have previous chapters. For one, I think that you captured the emotion of the piece well - this relationship with Kyle seems to be blossoming and growing as much as she can influence the natural world around her. I wonder why she seems to be holding back the information about her 'talents' - and the fact that the Masters recognise it - from Kyle. I'm beginning to believe that though she assures the reader they the pair are just friends, there is something else that stirs beneath the surface. Overall, an engaging chapter.
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I finally got to the conversation between Kyle and Sabrina here. It seemed to take forever to do it. Other parts slipped in, but finally I did it
Thanks for reading
Brooke
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Oh, wow, woah. I feel as if I have forgotten completely about the monster and am focused now on the possibility that she has super powers. Wow. I did not see that coming.
As always, your descriptions are quite vivid, be they terse. I especially liked how you describe her feelings for Kyle...and then some, if you know what I mean? I mean, I've never liked someone enough to cause something to bloom.
CLASSIC. Simply classic.
I do have a few suggestions, so I will be IMing you about them. As is, I seriously cannot wait for the next part. Well done!!!
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Again thank you for reading this and I have made the necessary adjustments.
Brooke
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Intersting, I wonder does anyone else have these powers? Once again I am left with questions that keep me wanting to read. Great Job. Ihope you don't care that I read this instead of what you posted for group. I had already read that chapter and was extreamly eager to move on.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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As far as I know, no no one but Kyle and Sabrina have these powers. Although Master Rubin may have, but because he didn't have anyone else to compliment them they may have disappeared.
No, please read any part you want to. I've got 12 so far and am working on the 13th. I really need some suggestion in 12. I've just introduced the antagonist and feel really insecure about it. I am not good at villains.
Thanks again for reading and I hope you continue to do so.
Brooke
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Small stuff:
p8. 'I wonder?" I let my thoughts drift.' Is a question mark right there? Seems like it should just be a period.
This is an interesting conversation Sabrina and Kyle have on the way to Master Rubins. I take it from her moment of watching him before getting his attention coming out of Brocks that she would like them to be more than just friends.
So apparently Sabrina has a talent for altering things around her when thinking of something similar but different. (You know, elm tree to apple tree). Or making something explode when she's angry. *laughs* And Kyle may have a bit as well that combines with hers when their together? Hmm.
There's no telling what might happen if those two do spend more time together. lol
This makes an intriguing development in the story if she can do it at will. I wonder what Master Rubin will think about it. Or perhaps he already suspects it and has been waiting to see for sure. Hmm.
As always you gave great description of them and the courtyard around them during their walk.
I'm really enjoying the story so far. Each chapter has added another little link in the chain.
So let's see what might turn up at Master Rubin's.
Greg
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It wasn't suppose to
I'm not a romance really, yeah right who am I fooling? I'd like to think I'm a realist, but I'm a girl. I want the knight in shining armour and all that bullshit. *sigh* So Sabrina is my in fictional form. I'm not fighting it anymore. Well, I'm not, but Sabrina is 
Kyle is her augmentor. Without him, she would not be able to the big changes that are going to be needed in the upcoming parts. Oops, did I say too much here?
Anyways, glad you are still liking it and thanks for your continued support.
Brooke
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The chemistry bedtween Sabrina and Kyle seems to be getting stronger (or is that just my imagination running wild?)
This part seemed a little short and I am left wondering what was said in Master Brock's office. Whatever it was, Sabrina didn't seem too concerned.
It appears (to me anyway) it is Sabrina's emotions more than mere thoughts which have an effect on things; the oak to apple when she was thinking of her father (caring, loving emotion); the eruption of the volcano when she and Kyle had an argument (emotion of anger).
This story is still flowing peacefully along, as a babbling brook in a shaded forest, but I believe a little action may now be required; tension of some kind between Sabrina and Kyle or with some evil influence maybe?
Still a lovely read and a beautiful story written by a wonderful story teller and a story which holds my attention.
A trio of little bugs for you to look at although they may well be just a case of my own preference so please feel free to ignore:
para 3: on the air - in the air
para 7: then I meant - than I meant
para 19: Along side of the path - Alongside the path
Thanks for the enjoyment this story brings me. I really love it and will wait (impatiently with fingers drumming on the table top) for the next installment with bated breath
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I'm hoping to build the relationship between the two. At first I didn't want them together but it seems, the more I write this, that it is going that way. So instead of fighting it I am 'going with the flow'
Ok, I know this one was a little short. To be honest I really have no idea where I am going on this. I should have sat down and drawn an outline, but I'm not that kind of writer really. When I started this it was only to try my new Flypen out (Christmas gift from hubby) and then I just kept going.
I hope that in the next parts the action picks up, but the introducation of evil or antagonist, besides Master Brock, doesn't show up until part 12. Now my parts aren't chapters, they are only part of what I'm writing at the time and can't wait to finish before getting an opinion. So I'm hoping when it is all done that the parts will flow together into lengthy chapter and part 12 will really be in chapter 3 or so
Don't know what came over me, sorry for the long reply
Again thanks for reading
Brooke
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Nice story
This story is good. The plot is okay, and the ending is good as well.
It has good talent and the rest well it makes me think your good. Nice work.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Some great descriptions and touches of humor in this, that made for an enjoyable read.
Your characters are easy to see and the plot flows. The dialogue is clear and mixes with the activity nicely.
A writers nemesis
I did find some misspelled words.
stretched across his board (broad)
I wanted hime (him)to know how
h"The last world I was on, I was thinking about when I was young and with my father.(A loose h)
off the stone buildings as they gurried (hurried)to their next class.
The dirt made a gretty (gritty) feel in my mouth
multi-petaled head (petal-head) peeked out from the green stem.22
"So if I were to concerated (concentrate) on the daisy with you,
Miscellanous (Miscellaneous) branches and sacks of vegatation(vegetation)
Geri
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Some of those typos were just down right embarassing. Thanks for pointing them out. I could have sworn I hit spellcheck *sighs* but I guess not.
Thanks for reading
Brooke
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'graph 2: "board" should be "broad"
'graph 7: "hime" should be "him"
'graph 9: "desicion" should be "decision"--->and remove the "h" after "desicion" just a plain typo.
'graph 14: "gurried" should be "hurried" ??? "feel" should be "feet" "gretty" should be "gritty"
'graph 15: "smooth" should be "smoothed"
'graph 22: comma after "watched" and remove the comma after "shrunk"
I liked the details better in this revision. Keep working, girl! -
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How embarassing are those typos. I guess I should have looked alittle closer. Thanks for reading again.
Brooke
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'graph 1: try combining the 2nd sentence differently possibly like this---> Dust puffed up with every step, gathering by his brown wavy head in a cloud.---> This way you remove the useless words "it" and "then"
Now combine the final sentence of 'graph 1 and the beginning of 'graph 2 because these two sentences essentially say the same thing. Like this: I stood at the door watching him closely, noticing the long length of his legs...
Place a period after "pants" instead of a comma. "I shook myself from the direction..." should be its own sentence.
'graph 3: I think you might want to place a period after "warmth" and begin the next sentence with "The stale air and the smell of jasmine climbing the wall of the dining hall hung heavily on the air." This sentence also then removes unnecessary words.
'graph 4 & 5: I think it's always tough to have dialogue in the middle of a paragraph. Even if you "clear your throat" perhaps move the question to the next 'graph.
Ok, this chapter picked up a bit when she mentioned the apple tree. I really think this could have been longer and possibly create more of a sense of tension. I think the idea that these two can change worlds with their thoughts is quite intriguing but it needs more details. Of all the chapters I've in this series, this seems to be the weakest so far. It just feels like it needs more depth.
I really like the characters and the idea is fantastic, but I'd like to see you create a bit more tension and/or danger for these characters.
Keep posting this!
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This was such a mixed up chapter for me. And maybe a little rushed. I wanted Kyle and Sabrina to have a more indepth talk about what had happened, but it wasn't coming.
Thanks for pointing the mistakes and changes out. I will look through this and see what needs to be done to make it a stronger part.
Thanks again
Brooke
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Another amazing chapter to this Brooke! Oh I love the concept of how when they are together things happen at such a magnitude. This is very intriguing and I anxiously await more of it. Love your story and I can't wait to see how this turns out
~Joann
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Thanks Joann. It's amazing what will pop out when you sit down
Again thanks for reading.
Brooke
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Good continuation...but short...
....matter of perspective just read an 11,000 word story by someone and it seemed to take forever....
I enjoy the mystery of this creation scape you have going here and the attraction and conflict of the two and muse to think where you might take the story.
Excellent mechanics as always, story flows, moves well and easily and a pleasure to read.
Next chapter you post, I will go back and refresh with the entire story to get it in my mind again....till then....
thank you...
amicus...
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Thanks John for reading this. I really hope that it is moving along. I sometimes take a long time to get where I want to go.
Thanks again
Brooke
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