Her name wasn’t Elaine; John thought afterward, that was the problem.1
Her father had walked her up the aisle, the preacher had said his bit, John had said I Do, the ring boy was ready, Melanie opened her mouth to say I Do.2
A man entered the church through a door at the back, not loudly, but obviously. He looked vaguely surprised to see that he was in a church at first, but then he shrugged it off and walked swiftly up the aisle.3
There was something about the man that gave off a sense of sweetness, a feeling of adventure. He was tall and gold skinned with black, wild eyes and no hair at all. It was impossible to tell how old he was, in his sixties maybe, or older. But there was something about the delicate, firm way he moved that made him seem ageless. Later, John couldn’t remember what he had been wearing. He was sure the man had been wearing some kind of suit, but later, when John tried to picture him, he always imagined the man as wearing a tan loin cloth around his middle and a deep robe.4
John’s heart sped up as he looked at the man and he was filled with a wild excitement. He thought suddenly that this man would complete the wedding with what he said at that moment, no matter he said, as long as he said something. John needed to hear this wonderful man speak, needed it more than anything he had ever needed before. Wanted it with every part of who he was and who he had thought we would be.5
However, John never heard what he said.6
Every head turned and watched the man, convinced that this was someone who had come for them alone. Someone who could make life like as wonderful as their childhood dreams. As wonderful as the memories that everyone has, that are unclear, as if underwater, of before live, but not during death. Memories of faeries, and dancing, and music. Beautiful, wonderful, twisted music.7
The man walked up the aisle until he was in front of the bride. He whispered something in Melanie’s ear.8
She nodded.9
Then, Melanie threw her flowers at the ring boy, who fell over in shock. She lifted the hem of her dress and stepped off the platform at the front of the church. 10
The gold skinned man put a hand on John’s shoulder and stood up on his toes, he was not tall, John remembered that. He leaned into John and kissed him on the mouth, full and strong. John’s heart gave a feeble tremble and John felt that it was going to stop beating all together, when suddenly it lurched and began beating again, heavy and fast.11
The man took Melanie’s hand and stroked it slightly, licking his lips, turning it over in his hands, exploring the creases in her palm with his eyes and fingers. There was a dazed look in Melanie’s eyes as the man pulled her by the hand down the aisle, and out of the church, her wedding dress dragging on the ground behind them.12
The congregation sat quietly.13
And then people left, silently. Outside there was no sign of the gold skinned man or the bride he had taken.14
And later, leaning back in his chair as he ate in the empty ballroom at the restaurant they had booked for the reception, John thought. He was normally a very clear man, but couldn’t put his finger on what he was feeling. This bothered him slightly. 15
Sad?16
No.17
He just wished the man had taken him instead.18
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This was really interesting, but a little confusing at times... I liked the vagueness and overall feel of the story- that was very nicely written. It flowed really well, and I found your characters really interesting too. A few grammar errors, but apart from that this was a really enjoyable piece to read. The bits about the gold skinned man were a bit bizarre- he kisses the groom and then takes his bride... odd... I think you should definetly write more to this story, since the storyline is really engaging, and you have a few mysteries to explain- like the gold skinned man, John's thought of someone named Elaine in the first sentence, why the bride decided to run off...etc. Overall, nice job!
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Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. The bit about Elaine in the first sentance, which I have to change and have been meaning too but can't think of anything else to start it with, is a reference to an old movie called The Graduate.
I rather like having mysteries in my stories, because then, hopefully, everyone will see something different in this story. I can see something, someone else can see something even better. So a lot of the time I leave a few loose ends in short stories.
Thanks!
-Colin
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