My mom says that I have an oral fixation. Three of the things I like to do most in the world are talking, eating, and singing. Everything I love to do involves my mouth, so it’s only natural that I hate the dentist and the orthodontist, too. It’s not that I don’t like straight clean pretty teeth, but the way they get the job done is just horrible. 1
After they’re done moving the chair up and down, it’s time to “open up.” Then you sit and wait, with your mouth open and their hands inside, poking and prodding you with an assortment of sharp, pointy metal objects.2
After round one, at the dentist, it’s time to clean. They take that quickly circulating rubber “toothbrush” thing and add some gritty sandy bleck, which they assure you is toothpaste. Then when they’re done covering the entire surface area of all your teeth with weakly flavored sandpaste, it’s time to rinse. So, they give you water in a tiny plastic cup that holds barely enough water to cover your tongue, and you slosh it around, determined to rid your mouth of that barely mint or orange flavor. Unfortunately, this task is like rinsing sand out of a sand box, and several more cups of water later, you are still not satisfied.3
After completing that long, boring, gross, and not to tasty ordeal, they bring out the metal toothpicks again, because no matter how hard and often you brushed, they have plenty of gross stuff to scrape off your teeth. So you sit still, forced to stifle your verbose nature while they do their job in a very nails-scraping-down-chalkboard kind of way.4
After they are done, and the big doc inspects you, you are free to go. And what did you get for your troubles? A bill, free toothpaste, and a cheap plastic toy. Oh boy! Can you remind me WHY I go to the dentist?5
Author notes
#9 HUMOR for blkmagicwoman's contest!!
This was written as a monologue so feel free to reread it to yourself with a lot more expression, you know, to get the full effect. Also, I think I may have used too many commas.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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We go to the dentist so that he can scrap off the plaque that's there, and then gripe at your for not flossing. Oh and then one day inevitably, he pokes with his sharp tool and causes great pain as he informs you that you've got a cavity. Now I think he can see it ahead of time, but he tortures you by proding it to cause you pain, its a small joy they've got for their patients. LOL, good write, very funny, but true. Thank you veyr much for entering my contest! Judging will be finished soon!
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I'm sorry, this didn't make me laugh, but maybe it's because I'm not in the best mood. I do agree with you though and I've even had the displeasure of the drill. shudders Me and my sweet tooth ways... sighs
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Oral fixation...haha. This is a really cute, simple, and honest piece. It reads very much like a child's diary entry. I like it a lot. Interesting fact of the day: Did you know that dentists have the highest suicide rates of all health care professionals? It's most likely b/c they have to hurt people every day. So love your dentist!
~Elsie -
lol, yeah... I think we almost all agree with you
men, who likes going to the dentist? 
and then their drills they come up with, getting wholes inside your teeth (don't they have to fill them up instead of making them? 
)
Anyways, I think you did a nice way with this humoristic piece
Keep up your unique way of writing and good luck in this contest!
Leander -
ah,yes, i am familiar with said oral x-rays, ha ha
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Wait a minute...I don't get a cheap plastic toy...(Grrrrrr)...I am fortunate to have perfect teeth and have not had the displeasure of drills or nasty equipment but the gritty crap and drowning you and suctioning your mouth until you want to puke is bad enough...I don't know why they bother to floss me because I leave and floss in the car to rid my mouth of that horrid sand c rap! Let us not forget the human torture devices known as oral x-rays! One size fits all does not work! It is like biting down on week old french bread left out in the sun...Gee...And to think that I like my dentist!
Victoria Lin
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Hahaha, I liked this. I do really feel the same way. I think all of your commas are used in the correct places, I had a long unit on commas in English last year.
Don't worry about it. This would make an excellent monologue! (and possibly a stand-up comedy!) Keep on postin'.
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Em
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thanks, glad you liked it
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thanks for holding back Sean i know how hard that must have been for you, thanks for your comment
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hi i am sean i am holding back...i wont say anything dirty...ok... ha great write Lucy
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This is really funny. It almost made me feel like I was at the dentist again... of course, if you think about it, it could be worse...
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