Someone had called out to her. Where? When? Looking around she could see nothing but darkness. Pure and utter darkness. If it wasn't for someone shaking her she would have liked to search that darkness more deeply. Slowly opening those cold grey eyes she looked around. People.. so many.. so many faces she didn't know. Wait, no.. those faces reminded her of something.. almost like another time. Closing her eyes again she raised her hand and splayed her fingers out over her eyes. She willed the faces to go away, not daring to open her eyes again.2
After a few minutes she couldn't lay still anymore, so she sat up and swung her feet to the floor, and just sat on the edge of the bed for a few precious moments. Time, time was slipping away, as always. Day after day, moment after moment, so little left. Sometimes she really did do the thing her mother constantly accused her of, being very non-appriciative. Not appreciating time and life was a major sin in her mother's eyes. Standing, slowly she moved across her room to her bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. The person that stared back at her was all too familar. Same short, spikey black hair with red highlights; same face, eyes, and teeth. Everything was the same as it had been the day before. Why did it seem so important today? Why did today 'feel' diffrent? Maybe it was. Who could say for sure?3
The day before had been horrid! Her boyfriend had broken up with her, much to her heartache. She'd gone home, hopeing to fall into bed and never get out, but her mother had made her run all sorts of errands and do all sorts of things. It had sucked. Big time. Now it was a 'new' day. A 'new' start. Now she was starting to take it for granted. She never ASKED for a new day or a new start. It was just given to her. She had never ASKED to be born, but she had been. Closing her eyes for a moment she took a deep breath to calm her boiling blood and picked up the brush to begin un-tangleing her hair. After about 20 mintues she was ready for school. Walking out to her 1993 Geo Tracker she opened the door and slid inside. Closing the door behind her she sat for a moment, staring at the dew on the windsheild. How trivial everything seemed. Life was trivial. Was that normal? Did it matter? Shaking her head she stuck the key in the ignition and turned it, the engine roared and she sighed. Buckleing her seat belt she straightened her back and put the car in reverse, backing out of the yard.4
Driving the few hundred feet down the road to her grandmother's house, she picked up her stepsister and then proceeded to school. Arriving about ten minutes early, she had time to get something to eat and talk to her friend, Becky for a few minutes before heading off to class. Becky said something about the 'preps' needing to get a clue and learn to eat without throwing up. That quip got a smile and she went on to class. Things always seemed to be trivial on Mondays. Sitting in Algebra, listening to her teacher drone on and on about what they would be doing for the next few months, before Winter break, she began to think again. Her mind wandered with the slightest provocation. What would it be like to not have to sit here day after boring day and listen to these people banter on and on about things she proabally would never use in her life. She needed to be taught the things she planned on using in life, like how to cook. They had the teaching thing right back in the 60's and 70's when they still taught Home Economics. Now sewing she could use! When she would need to sew the holes in her faded denim jeans.5
The bell rang for second period, and she stood and started putting her things in her backpack. Straightening up she started out the door when her Algebra teacher stopped her. "So.. is something wrong? I notice you have been... 'zoneing out', lately." Staring at her blankley she just shook her head and walked out the door, towards her second period class. Sitting down she sank as low into the seat as possible. Pulling her sketch pad out of her bookbag she began to sketch; the blackboard with the dusty words written all over it, the three jocks gathered 'round a computer trying to look up porn on the internet, and the loser asleep in the back. When the bell rang again for third period she packed up her things and got ready to go to Biology. Again. Every weekday, same scheduel, same classes, same teachers, same thing. Maybe if schools skipped things up a bit and had diffrent classes at diffrent times on diffrent days, things would be less trivial. That would be a nice change. At least for her, it would be. Others tended not to think the same way she did about things like that. People had a funny way of ignoring her good advice, then complaining to her when things went wrong. She hated that, more than anything else, it was probally the main reason she hates people. People were naturally whiney and social. Why couldn't she be more social? Why did she hate people? Her doctor said it was because she had 'a chemical inbalance of the brain'. It made her want to be by herself and be left alone. If that was what it was, then her whole life was a sham. A big sham, nothing was ever real, her brain just made things seem diffrent when they weren't. What a load of BS.6
As she jotted down notes in Biology about cells and cell fusion her mind wandered to another day, another time. It was Mid-1800's and she was sitting in a parlor drinking tea with her dear old aunt. The one that was going to die soon and leave her a fortune. Her aunt had taken care of her since she was a baby, given her everything she'd ever wanted. Why then, did she suddenly hate her aunt with a great force? She'd never hated her before. She'd always loved and adored her aunt.. Why now, when she was going to die and leave her everything? Was she just being silly? Maybe. It was her brain. The tea and her brain did not get along very well. They fought, and therefore; made her hate her aunt. Simple as that, or was it? Could it be something deeper than 'a chemical inbalance of the brain'? Could that really be a reason for someone acting a certain way? Who cared? She did. End of story. She snapped out of her day-dream just in time to hear the bell for first lunch ring. Picking up her things, she walked towards the lunch room, dragging her feet. She didn't want to be here, or around. Why did she have to be? People made her. The gov't, the police, the school, the school board. She didn't want to not go and get her mom arrested for truancy, that would ruin her life even more. Her mom was the only person that took care of her half-way decently. She gave her a place to live, let her have her freedom to go and do what she wanted, and all she asked was that she do things around the house every-once-in-awhile. Doing these things was easy, so she did them,and things went along fine.7
When everything went wrong, after she had said they would, she did not care. People insisted on telling her ALL about it though. Why? Were they stupid or just out of their minds? Did it really matter? It did to her. Everything mattered to her, maybe that was the whole problem. But could that really be all because of 'a chemical inbalance of the brain'? She sure didn't think so. Why then, did she listen to the doctors and do as they said? TRY to become normal, when she knew she wasn't and didn't want to be? She did it to please others, to help THEM help THEMSELVES. If she wasn't as they expected, they would be disappointed. She didn't want them to be disappointed, so she acted and dressed, and did the things 'normal' people did. But when she was alone, and had no one to judge her, she did as SHE wanted and said the things SHE wanted to say. Those were so diffrent from the faux things she did during the day, that it was shocking. VERY shocking. Poor people, and their disturbed dillusions. They would just have to get over it, wouldn't they?8
Sitting down at the lunch table she shared with her friends, she sighed heavily and laid her head on the table, wishing she could start beating it on the hard surface, but that would draw attention she didn't want. Her friend, Hope, sits down and pats her back. "What's wrong?" Ignoring the question she just closed her eyes and prayed for everything to disappear. What would the world be like without people? Alot more quiet, that's for sure. No, but really.... what would become of the world without people? The buildings would be left, the machinery would lay around and rust, distorying the fertile ground it sits on. In about ten years the weeds would grow up around the nicely trimmed houses that sit, lonely and sad now that their owners are gone.. The world as we know and see, would be dead. Nothing would be the same. Is that the point? 9
The bell rang again, and she headed off to fourth period, lazily dragging her feet, stalling until she had to get there. As she slumped into her seat to sit through another day of her 'used to be favorite subject', she thought again, to what it would be like if the world's population suddenly disappeared. Would apes and monkeys learn to live in houses, and become 'civillized'? One of her actual friends, Hope, turned and looked at her smiled and slipped her a piece of paper:10
What's wrong? I asked before and no answer. I'm worried about you.11
Hopey12
How sweet. Not very long, not too short, just... sweet. Looking over at her she crumbled up the note and shrugged, then looked at the board and picked up her pencil to start writing notes again. The 45 minutes flew by quickly, and the bell rang again, dismissing her to fifth period English III. Mrs. Thomas. Her teacher, her confidant. She felt like she could tell Mrs. Thomas just about anything, and she'd listen and understand. Sad when only the teacher is capable of holding a decent conversation. Shouldn't the students be able to by the age of 16-18? You would think they would.13
Shunning the people that tried to talk to her in her English class, she did her work and added her own spice to it, making it hers. That's what she always did, she had alot of spice. The bell rang again and she headed off to Spanish I. Idiots, all of them. If they did work in that class, it would be a miracle from heaven itself. No... the 'popular' (well known of) students gathered together and played cards, the teacher often joined in. Those that were here to actually 'learn' something, sadly failed. Time to drag out the books and do homework from other classes. When the bell rings again, it's finally time to go home, after a long frustrating day.14
Home. What is the definition of that word? Let me look it up....15
Home:
1. Place where one lives. 162. The physical structure within one lives, sucha as a house or apartment. 17
3. A dwelling place together with the family or social unit that occupies it; a household. 18
4. a. An environment offering security and happiness. 19
b. A valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.
20Would a house where you live with your mother, and her girlfriend (the person you hate worst in the world, save your father) live a home? She doesn't. It's never been home for her, not a 'true' home. She'd rather be on her own, by herself, doing her own thing with no one to bother her while she does it. We have come to the conclusion that she's not happy with her life at this point. It's become too trivial for her. She want things diffrent, but she can't change them. Aren't you supposed to be in control of your life? Then why isn't she? Damn it. She feels so beaten down and smothered. There's no way to change that though, is there? If she tries to do anything, it always gets ruined... or someone gets angry. If she left, her plans for her future would be ruined.... she guesses she has to stick it out until she has the chance to change things... then maybe she'll be happy. But she goes to a school where you can't even dye your hair an 'unusual' color.. How are you supposed to 'find' yourself in that kind of environment? You can't. She won't know the 'real her' until she gets out of highschool... so what's the point?21
Moral:22
Life is trivial, then you die.23
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