Ignited Butterflies Chapter 5

My mother and I arrive at church. Ah, the smell of candles always manages to reach the deepest point of my interest now a days. It is a funny thing to think back on my so called glory days when my entire family came to this church and enjoyed listening to the word of God. Now all I do is keep my head down and play with my twin sisters butterfly ring and think about what I am going to do for the rest of my life.1

The preacher walks up on stage after the choir is finished and motions everybody to be seated. I sit down next to my mother and I place my attention to the butterfly ring and negate anything the preacher has to say. 2

Wait a minute, I remember now, I was suppose to give Gloria that picture. I lift my head up and look toward the front of the church. Sure enough, there she is sitting down in the front row. I continue to stare at her, she looks like she is in some kind of trance. Her eyes are only looking straight ahead not fixed upon anything. She looks as if she is lost in thought. Could she be thinking about her abortion? I can only imagine how hard that whole situation was for her. 3

"The Bible gives us the costly requirement for God's forgiveness." Out of nowhere, the preachers voice awakens my stare on Gloria and somehow makes me ears open to what he is saying. 4

"Without the shedding of Blood, there is no forgiveness Hebrews 9:22. In the Old Testament, the continual sacrifices of unblemished lambs were required to satisfy God's wrath and judgment. However, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, died on a Roman cross and became the ultimate, once-and-for-all sacrifice for our sins. Jesus purchased God's forgiveness on our behalf when he became the Lamb of God and died on the cross for you and me."5

I notice Gloria's father looking at her when stating this.6

"For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God 1 Peter 3:18. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace Ephesians 1:7."7

I look at Gloria. She is almost in tears. Is she really beginning to feel guilty for her decision?. Gloria's Father continues.8

"God hates sin, but He loves the sinner. The price for God's forgiveness is high, but He paid the price Himself. By Christ's loving act of grace, believers are eternally freed from the penalty and guilt of sin. Once we're covered by the Blood of Christ, God doesn't keep a record of our sins. Our forgiveness is total and complete." 9

I honestly don't know how Gloria's father has continued to be a preacher since after the accident. He must have truly given his entire life to God. I can remember the time I was saved and baptized. I honestly felt like serving God but at the very same time I knew I still wanted to be in control of my own life. I assume this would mean I am not really saved after all for I continue to deny God into my heart even now after my greatest tragedy so far. 10

"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, who sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord doesn't count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit Psalm 32:1-2. I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more Isaiah 43:25. It is possible for the Lord to look at us without seeing our sins because when he forgave us, he removed our sins as far as the east is from the west" 11

I watch Gloria rise from her seat and now everyone has their attention fixed on her. 12

"Gloria please listen!" shouts her father. She quickly makes her way out of the sanctuary. I get up to follow.13

My mother grabs my arm, "What are you doing?"14

"I'm going to talk to her."15

"She doesn't need anyone but God son." 16

I quickly fill with anger and begin to raise my voice. "What she needs is someone to stop forcing God down on her conscience!" I leave my mother and everyone else and exit the sanctuary.17

I look for Gloria. I first think to check both bathrooms, she isn't here. I go outside and check the parking lot and look for her car. She drives a yellow Ford Focus. I scan over all the vehicles twice. I see her car, Ah! she is sitting inside. I walk over to the front of her car. I look at her, she is full of tears, she notices me and rolls down her window, I walk over and bend down at her. 18

"James? My goodness I can't even remember the last time we talked."19

"It has been awhile Gloria, may I take the passengers side?"20

"Oh, sure jump in."21

I walk over to the other side and enter her car. I sit down.22

"I'm so sorry James, you have caught me crying like a baby here."23

"It's alright, really. Everyone has the right to cry." 24

Gloria laughs, "Yeah, however I don't have a legitimate reason I'm afraid." 25

"Why is that?"26

"Last I checked murdered aren't suppose to cry."27

I look at Gloria, her ocean blue eyes are filled with water and her beautiful blond hair is sticking to her face. I look into those eyes of hers. "Gloria, your not a murderer."28

Gloria looks up at me, she remains silent. I guess I should say something else. "Understand?"29

"James?" 30

"Yeah?" 31

"Your the first Christian I know to tell me differently."32

I remain silent for a moment myself. In this moment I am overwhelmed with the idea of telling Gloria the very thing I have kept from everybody since the accident. I can't believe I'm about to do this, I'm really fixing to tell Gloria the truth about me. "Yeah, about that Gloria," I pause for a moment. "The truth is I don't consider myself a Christian anymore, maybe I was never even a Christian to begin with."33

"Why do you say that?" Gloria's entire face changes emotion from sad to curious.34

"Well, I'll just say I don't even feel the presence of God in my life and to be completely honest I've never made the attempt to try and feel God inside me since, you know."35

"Wow James, It truly has been to long."36

I smile in agreement. "Yes it has."37

"Lets fix that shall we?"38

"What do you have in mind?"39

"How about we put on our seat belts and I take us out for some ice cream and then we can go out to the park and catch up?"40

"Sounds like a plan to me! Lets do it!"