Two figures approached each other on a dirt road, chalky and damp, that ran for several miles connecting the nearly imperceptible town to the furthest reaches of the local fields. The sides of the road were entrenched with weedy plants that popped up seemingly on the hour. It was nearly noon; the sun was almost directly overhead, emitting a benevolent light and a persistently grating heat. The air was the sort that wavered and buckled in front of your eyes and itched where it stuck to your skin, the sort that was ripe for hallucinations.1
"Emma."2
"Greg." 3
"You came."4
"Of course; you doubted?"5
"Ahem."6
"Whatever, it's fine. I'm used to it by now" Emma said, looking heavenward.7
"Sorry."8
"Successful tie, though. The green really brings out the hazel in your eyes and contrasts with what black is left in your rapidly greying hair. Have you given any thought to dyeing it? I suppose you haven't. You know, many aging men are turning to hair dye as the answer, no one’s going to call you a pansy."9
"No need to flatter me. It won't accomplish anything."10
"Greg, don't flatter yourself, because I am not flattering you. I just can't help pointing it out," she said, with an accompanying pout.11
"Always the true fashionista." He said banally.12
"Well--" She paused.13
"Yes?"14
She remained silenced.15
"What? Come on, don't hold back now." He prodded.16
"Well- it's not like you're not always waxing on and on about the plant life. 'Always the true botanist' as you would say."17
"Guilty as charged. I suppose you've completely missed the beautiful Alopecurus pratensis prospering on the side of the road,” he said, pointing out the aforementioned Meadow Foxtail.18
"I suppose I had." She said, sounding as if she wished she hadn’t brought it up.19
"Would you care to walk a ways with me? We're less likely to be overheard if we're moving."20
"More like you just want to botan-ize me,” she grumbled, "But let's make it quick, my hoisery is bunching up."21
Pretending he hadn't heard, but with slight smile, Greg said, "It’s time to stop avoiding the point."22
"What point?" she replied evasively.23
"That's exactly my point. You must know why I asked you to meet me here?"24
"Of course I do” Greg breathed an audible sigh of relief, until she continued, “To educate me on the many attributes of Alopecurus pratensi!”25
"Oh, don't be so naive. You're making a fool of yourself. Have you really been ignoring the signs?"26
"Hmpf." she scoffed.27
"The Ifrit are continuing to grow more and more powerful. Do you have any idea what will happen if we cannot control them any longer? The humans won't stand a chance; their society will degenerate in an increasingly unstoppable crime wave into anarchy and chaos. Natural disasters, homicides... The Ifrit will infest the humans’ very civilization."28
"Stop it! I know! You don't think I know?" she snapped, "I don't know what to do."29
"You're a Shaitan, though you’ve admirably chosen not to exploit this fact. You'll do what you must, but you cannot hide behind your faux leathers and suedes and seasonal colors any longer; you have to own up to your mistakes."30
"What if I don't want to?" she growled.31
Calmly, he replied "Then you will live the rest of your eternal life with the ruined lives of thousands of hapless humans on your hands." 32
"Why can’t the Marid take care of it? What use am I, one woman, against hundreds of Ifrit?”33
"It is not the brute force of the Marid that our kind will need to subdue the Ifrit. But you know this. You know that, being the one who released Iblis, you are the only one who can imprison him once again."34
"But it’s not really my fault. I didn't mean to do it!"35
"Ah, the time weary excuse," he said as if talking to a child.36
"You can say what you want, you self-righteous old man! What kind of a woman would I be to turn down a kiss from a handsome soldier? Hmm?" She sighed, eyes hazy with a private memory, "Though I can't say I regret it entirely... Besides he said his name was Jhann, not Iblis."37
"A decent woman is what you would be. A woman with morals."38
"Morals! Hah. I'd be a nun, more like" she retorted.39
"What kind of a woman kisses a man who tells her that kissing him would be the most dangerous thing she could do?"40
"What kind of woman could resist that sort of temptation?" she rallied back.41
"Exactly. The Ifrit may be evil incarnate, but they are nothing if not dangerously cunning. Jhann played on your pride and vanity to get you to do exactly what he wanted." 42
"And I was somehow supposed to know that kissing him would release him from his human form as the reincarnate Ifrit leader, Iblis?"43
"You'd heard the legends. You knew that from the moment we, the djinn, were born out of Eve’s apple that the Ifrit were destined to be evil, but only when led by Iblis. You knew it was predetermined that only when a Shaitan descendent who rejected the ways of her ancestors consented to Iblis' desires would he be released from his human prison- to take lead of the Ifrit once again. I suppose you’ve conveniently forgotten that Iblis always takes the form of solider when trapped in his human body?"44
"Yeah, duh, but I never thought they were true."45
"Like djinn are legends? Your pride interferes yet again."46
"Well what if I'm not any different from my ancestors? What if I don't care about the hapless human lives I'm supposedly going to ruin? What if I don't want to re-imprison Iblis?"47
He frowned condescendingly "You are not evil, Emma. Evil is for the weak, and you may be a lot of things, but they do not include weakness."48
She let out a hot sigh "So what do you expect me to do? How am I to re-enslave this Iblis?"49
"Why, the same way you released him."50
"Oh yes, I'm sure now that he's free to unleash his evil forces he'll be happy to let me waltz up and give him a smack on the lips. Not."51
"Well of course you will not be so direct about it as that" he said exasperatedly, "Are you a Shaitan or not? Iblis has been a human for so long, that he retains qualities of human men. Enough so that with your gifts, and the use of a bit of cunning, you will easily be able manipulate his will."52
"Hmm..." she was obviously contemplating it.53
"If nothing else will convince you, surely the knowledge that you'll be able to kiss him once more will be motivation enough?" he said resignatedly.54
The distant look passed across her face again, and she consented, "Yes. Yes, ok, I'll do it."
Author notes
KU is going to win the NCAA tourney whether you like it or not
This is my first attepmt at fantasy.
A contest entry
- Tired of Judges who don't Give Feedback? by crosscountry07.
450 points, ended April 18, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Paranormal by HowlofSerendipity.
400 points, ended April 25, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You have a wonderful plot idea here, but having it all told in dialog greatly reduces the tension. Also, you rely entirely on dialog for characterization: try using your character's thoughts and actions as well.
Even your description relies on dialog: "the black that is left in your rapidly graying hair," etc. Have you ever heard anyone REALLY speak like this? Observations of this sort would be better placed in description outside of dialog.
It would be interesting to see what happens on Emma's second encounter with Iblis. Do you have plans for writing that story? If so, you might consider working all this background information into the midst of the action.
Thanks for entering the contest!
~Bitter Irony
P.S. As this story does not seem related to the image from the "Behind the Veil" contest, and you have not included the permission statement in your author's note to indicate that you read the rules, I am removing this story from the contest. Sorry! -
This is really good. You must let me read the next part once it is up. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.

Alieu

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I totally loved this! I was a bit confused in places, I would have liked to see Emma try to retrap Iblis, but other than that, GREAT JOB! And great use of the line "my hoisiery is bunching" Made me laugh! Good Luck! -Liz




