A Life Of One

Who am I? Normally I would tell you but today is different . . .very different but you may call me Hope if anything. Hope is my nickname, I earned it because my teachers always told me I was so hopeful for the future that it reflected on my grades . . . which became good ones. I really don’t care for my real name, it’s too long and besides it’s French but what do you care. 1

If you are wondering where I am I’m in an apartment in Seattle on a December evening. I go to college at the local university studying in English. I was studying to be a novelist someday but I believe its looking grim now. Why? I don’t know, it’s so complicated I just feel like giving up. I’m just complicated no one knows anything about me, they think they do but I have so many secrets that it completely ruins what they view on the outside. They viewed me as hopeful, care-free, nice, and other things because I was raised that way but I’m different, I cared about everything I viewed the world as a judge that look down on every action I did. I wanted to be nice person so I could be looked at with a better judgment rather than a bad one. I have problems if you couldn't tell.2

As I sit here on the fourteenth floor of this apartment I must say I regret everything about my life. Every time I took a breath I regret it now so I am writing my will. Yes my will at age twenty-two. Why because I going to do something that will make everyone happy. I'm going to commit suicide. If you're asking why then I'll tell you why.3

Well for starters lets begin with my parents. My parents were some of the nicest people I ever knew. My dad worked for the local television station. He was great, we used to go outside and play some football in the back of the house while my mom was inside cooking dinner while watching us. My mom . . . she . . . she worked as a nurse at the hospital. She was the best. She found out about my crush and encouraged me to ask her out, I never liked it but I can thank her because I did get enough courage to ask her out. Although she never dated me but my mom said that someday I would find that perfect person just for me. She taught me how to cook as well. I can remember from my junior year of high school how she never come home. She had been t-boned by a drunk at an intersection, she never had a chance. Afterwards Dad became miserable, he became a depressed drunk. He was never active he would only go bars and get druck in order to forget about mom. I was, on the other hand, in the anger stage for a while until I accepted that my mom was gone.4

My other reason is my girlfriend. Last year I started to date this girl that I meet at a coffee shop before class started that day. We were perfect together. We went out almost every weekend. But last August it all changed . . . we had just gotten back from a convention that was in town and I was dropping her off at her house. Ten minutes after I got home the phone rang. I picked it up and heard the sobbing voice of her asking for help, she said she was bleeding then there was silence. Multiple time I called her name but there was nothing. I rushed to the car and sped to her house praying to god she would be safe. When I got there she had been raped and beaten to death by her ex. I had mixed feelings hate, sadness, love, and the missing gap that everyone doesn't like.5

Now I've explain everything to you on why my solution is best one and don't think you can stop me because I'm standing on the sidewalk. I would have bought 'Suicide for Dummies' but they didn't have it at the bookstore.6

Ah the middle of the street and I can already see my lights of fate drawing nearer to me as the seconds slow down. I might as well scream, "God take me from this forsaken place! I never deserved to live!"7

The car is drawing closer but time has slowed to a stop as I drop to my knees and raise my arms into the air. Seconds seem like hours. I can feel my cold tears on my rosy cheeks. My eyes are closed but time has still stopped.8

Suddenly I realize it, I realize my life. But I also too late, fate is about to take me away. Why am I so stupid? Why did I do this?9

The car swerved and clipped my arm. The next thing I know I kissing the icy pavement then I black out.10

I wake up . . . but in a hospital. I try to rub my eyes with my hand but the notice a note in my hand. What the heck, what is with the note? I read it: 'Dear Person' Oh that me feel so special first I stupidly try to commit suicide then I'm know as person. 'I'm so sorry for hitting you with my car. I would like to apologize to you in person so I hope to see you soon I going to visit everyday at about six. Sincerely Veronica.' Veronica huh? Well I don't what to do for the time being since its only four o'clock but I am going to stay. I need some time to be alone so I can redeem myself for what I have done.11