Cold, blank eyes stare back at her as she examines her every feature in the mirror.1
The way her hair sticks out, and how she's got a double chin.2
She moves and sits on the cold edge of the tub, scanning her eyes over every inch of visible flesh.3
The pink lines of hatred on on her arms, the spot of psoriasis on her shin.4
She sighs, and starts the water wishing she could be someone else. Someone who didn't care so much.5
As she lets the freezing water hit her, she remembers a time when she didn't care. Remembers how long ago it was.6
Oh how she wishes she could go back to that time. A time where she was happy.7
Before the lies started, before the heartache set in, before life was complicated.8
Her mind tells her constantly that she doesn't want to go back.9
That she didn't starve, and purge, and fight for control to go back to the way she was.10
But she thinks of the pain she feels every day and wonders if it really is worth it.11
The way her stomach hurts after every meal, the way her cheeks are puffy, the bracelets of blood around her wrist, and the way everyone worries about her now.12
In her mind she starts justifying her actions with any excuse she can think of, promising herself to get help soon.13
She cuts the water off, wraps the towel around her and steps out onto the cold tile floor.14
She's always hated the way tile is cold no matter what the temperature.15
Staring into the mirror as she applies her makeup, she wonders why she even bothers.16
No matter how much makeup she puts on, no matter how much weight she loses, no matter how many times she tries to cut the pain away, she'll still never be good enough for herself.17
As she sprawls across her bed, she stares at the ceiling at lets her mind wander.18
The music on the radio soothes her to sleep, where she dreams of being happy once again.
Author notes
Just a short story.
[I suppose.]
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