What's really out there

Carrie and I were walking when it happened. Something that changed our lives forever. At that moment our hearts stopped, we were speechless. What had happened you ask? I tell this story, a story of when my friend and I met aliens!1

2

On a beautiful day my friend Carrie was over, we were bored and decided to go for a walk. We did and that was a bad choice.3

"Where are we going?" Carrie asked me, and I was clueless. 4

"Let's just go alittle farther." I insisted.5

"Come on, it's getting late." 6

"Don't be a baby." Carrie was called a baby by me, but she was right, we should have turned around while we had the chance.7

We went on. It was a dark road. We heard some rambling. Our faces were filled with fear. I was ready to scream, Carrie told me to shut my mouth, I listened. 8

Something was coming down from the sky. It looked like an airplane, but like a bowl at the same time. Our eyes grew wide. suddenly, something began to come out-Aliens! They were green and slimy-looking. Their eyes were purple and their mouths filled with a large, sticky tongue. 9

"Ahhhhhhh!" Carrie screamed. The alien looked at us and stuck out it's tongue and grabbed us. 10

"No!" We screamed and struggled to get out of it's strong grip. Slime covered out bodies. We could no longer move-we were terrified. 11

The creature looked at us. "Bou-sskjklfj-djdjAHSLSKSDHFshska" it said. More came out. "jashlfldladlkjjfd---dsjsdfhdlfkjg" 12

Carrie stuck out her hand and poked the creature. "Hey, Sam! Poke it! He's like a sponge!" she laughed.13

"Car, what are you doing? Leave it alone." I whispered.14

"Hell-o." Carrie spoke slowly to it, "Me Carr-ie. Who you?"15

"aklflksshshala." I think it responded. 16

"Sam, speak to it!" Carrie told me.17

"No." I told her. She inisted, "fine. I am Sam-an-tha. I come in pea-ce!" 18

Suddenly the door to the ship opened once again. Another alien came out. It looked like a 'proper' alien. It had it's nose raised in the air and slithered over.19

"Bowgahwha! What are you doing?" She snapped, "Bad baby!"20

"Baby?" Carrie said, "Wait, you speak english?"21

"Doesn't everyone?" She said, "I see my son has found dinner!" Her eyes grew black.22

Carrie and I screamed. 23

She laughed, "Children, children. We are vegetable-lovers. Shall we ask what yee are doing here?"24

I spoke up, "we, we are just walking and we were caught. So sorry madam to disturb you."25

"No, you just helped us. Follow me." 26

Soldiers grabbed us and strapped us to a chair. We screamed and that's all I remember. We blanked out. I woke up in my room. I saw a cut on the side of my head going along my circular head.27

I got a letter and it said our brains were taken and that's why I've been getting A+'s on ever test. They needed Carrie and I as tests, but she was a test for a dumb human. She fails alot.28

29

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • pixeh
    January 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hiya,

    What I didn't like:
    ~Lack of depth and direction in the plot
    ~Adding a space between dialogue paragraphs helps the reader to .. read.

    What I did like:
    ~It was cute regardless of the plot problem.
    ~The ending was different too.

    Good luck!
    ~Pix


  • Papillon
    January 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Hey! Cool story!

    What I didn't like:
    ~ not much depth to your story
    ~ some of the dialogue is a little lame

    What I liked:
    ~ nice and short, an easy and inviting read
    ~ your description of the "baby"
    ~ weird ending, I liked it!

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest! (sorry we're so slow >.O)
    ~papi

  • Fallen Dreamer
    December 23, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Ok . . . that has got to be the most random story I have read so far in the contest. I keep finding myself thinking to myself, "so what?"

    One thing that so many fantasy/sci-fi writers fail to grasp is the concept of giving their stories weight. Making the outcome have real meaning.

    Another quick note, something that at 18 I am just now figuring out . . . grades are about the single worst way in the world to judge a person's intelligence. They really are.

  • Sharon91gt
    December 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you. I will change the ending. Good suggestion! skajlkasjlafj to you too!

  • Justin
    December 21, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting and cool story. It seems like a dream I might have. LOL. Anyway... I agree wth the end being a little confusing and random. You might want to refer to the good grades at the beginning so at the end it makes more sense when it is being realized. This story is very good none the less. Keep up the great work, and Bou-gdfgdfgdfhdfgsdfg!

  • Sharon91gt
    December 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I don;t understnad...do u think it sux?

  • Sharon91gt
    December 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you.


  • Halloween
    December 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    intresting story. i liked the part about the english speaking aliens sharon. i look forward to reading more stories


  • December 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. I thought it was sort of confusing at the end though.

1 - 9 of 9