I was floating in a black abyss, with no way out. I couldn't see anything. Only the pitch black darkness that encased me. Then the pain started. It was like no pain I had experienced before. Poison was burning, raging through my veins. I felt like I was going to split open from it. My eyes burned red too. I wanted, need to yell out in agony but I couldn't find my voice. My heartbeat kept on slowing; Thud...thud.....thud.....and then nothing. I knew I wasn't dead, but I wasn't alive either. I instantly knew what I had become; mostly becasue I was obsessed with mythical creatures. Or who I thought were mythical. In reality we are real; almost too real.1
I had who knows how many books on Vampires; from National Geographic to Hollywood's versions. Both were right and wrong on some points though, as was to be expected. I had spent all of my free time studying Vampires; and now I had all the time to study them considering that I AM one now. How ironic, I thought. I had often dreamed of becoming a vampire, actually it was one of my desires. I had never in my wildest dreams thought it would be like this. I wanted to be one of those nice vampires who didn't kill people just becasue. It was all different now; the one who had created me left me in the middle of the street to die. I would probably do the same, I had become a monster. I was suddenly sucked out of the black abyss and into reality; or what was NOW my reality.2
Suddenly I felt the cold hard ground beneath me, and a cool mist in the night air. My eyes shot open, and I found myself sprawled out across the ground in a graveyard. I looked around me, but everything was blurred by a red haze. All of my senses were stronger. I could hear things in the distance that no human could possibly hear. I could smell the decaying bodies in the rotting graves around me.3
I stood, with great difficulty, and listened to all my joints crack. I couldn't feel the blood pulsing through my veins anymore, all was still. I searched the distance for any movement,nothing. I was probably meant to be dead too, but somehow I wasn't. I strolled down the hill full of nothingness. The wind whipped at my hair, disturbing the silence and blowing my dark burgundy curls in my face. The wind stilled again, and my hair dropped back down to lie still in the middle of my back. I walked to the end the graveyard, and pushed open the iron gate. I strolled out of the gate, my feet not making a sound. Strange, I thought. My footsteps didn't echo off the cobble stone street like they used to.4
The streets were damp from the mist that clung needlessly in the air. It was almost always humid here anyway, but tonight seemed different. It was colder than normal, and the silence sent chills down my spine. This particular street I was walking on was darker than others. Due to the burnt out bulbs of street lights no one ever cared to replace. I was glad for the darkness though, then no one would be able to see me. Side shops and abandoned buildings lay silent as I passed by them, locked up forever. Just like my heart, never to beat again.5
As I turned the corner, I spotted broken glass scattered in the middle of the street. I could smell blood, the sweet yet salty sent of it was maddening. I half ran as the scent got stronger, until I came upon someone lying in the middle of an alleyway. They were alive, and their eyes wide with terror. "What do you want?" They whispered.6
"What do you think I want you dirty human?" I licked at the scent of blood. I then saw my reflection in a cracked mirror proped up against the side of a building. My irises were crimson red, and my skin was pale and lifeless. I was still the same old Casey, but somehow different. I was faster, stronger, and in everyway better. Then my attention flickered back to the dieing human laying before me. I walked up to them, drawing the scent in further up my nose as I did so. I licked my lips as I looked into their terrified face.7
"Just close your eyes, and it will be over before you know it." I told them with a menacingly wicked tone.8
"Please don't kill me. I will do what ever you want." They were pleading with a VAMPIRE! How pathetic. I threw my head back and cackled.9
"Oh, stupid stupid human," I said coldly "Don't you know that you are already doing what I want you to?"10
They shook their head in response. I laughed at their stupidity; surely they had seen at least ONE vampire film in their lifetime.11
"Why you are LIVING of course! And when you are living, that means you have blood in your veins." Their eyes widened further in horror. They knew what I was and what I wanted, craved. I couldn't resist any longer. I threw myself onto them and dug my fangs into the flesh of their neck. They screamed for a moment, but then grew silent. I drank and drank, quenching my thirst for the moment. The blood tasted sweet, but had a rust smell to it. I wasn't nearly finished when I had drained the body of blood.12
I stood up, and felt the blood trickle down my mouth to my chin. Some of the red haze was gone now, and I was just beginning. I threw the carcas into a heap of trash, and strolled back onto the black deserted street, out of the alley. I wipped my chin clean of blood and laughed maniacally. I played with a loose strand of my hair and thought about what I had become. The sensed his fear as soon as he came around the corner. I heard echoing footsteps behind me as I pondered, and whipped around. The one who was following me stopped and shuddered as he looked into my face. He saw the red of my irises and gasped. He had been carrying a flashlight, and it cluttered to the ground as he dropped it.13
"Hello there." I said in a musical tone.14
"W-Who are you?" He stammered, eyes wide just like the previous human.15
"My name is Casey. Your's?" 16
"Rick. What are you doing out so late?"17
"Oh I love the night. We waste so much when we sleep you know." I could hear his blood pulsing through his veins, and knew that it was only a matter of moments before I could resist no longer.18
"Hmm. You don't say?" His voice was frightened. I laughed at his expression.19
"What is the matter?"20
"I-you-v..." he stopped. He pleased me. I may even keep him, turn him into one of us. I took a step forward and he jumped. His hands flew up to cover his throat as I came closer.21
"That won't help you deary. You should know that." I laughed again. I was having fun, in a strange way.22
"Stay away from me! You, You VAMPRIE!" He shouted, and fled in the other direction. I gave him a ten second head start, only to be fair, then caught up with him, in an instant. I tackled him to the ground, breaking one of his ankles in the process. He screamed out in pain, and I laughed again. I cocked his head back and dug my fangs into him. I drank slower this time, with caution. I knew that if I wanted him to become a vampire like me I had to be careful. I quenched my thirst for a moment, and then stood ontop of my victim. He was still for a moment, then his body started quivering madly.23
In a matter of moments he was still again. The process was almost complete, I thought to myself. Then his eyes burst open, and were the same color of mine. Bright crimson, hungry for blood.
Author notes
roze-bud-0214, that's me!
- In Love with a Vampire group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Calling All Hellsing And Vampire Fans! by Forsaken Unicorn.
225 points, ended March 26, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Storywrite's Next Top Story Creation by whichcraft.
350 points, ended May 12, 38 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires, Horror… Supernatural Episodes! by dark-fantasies.
300 points, ended April 27, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Blood on the Moon: From Vampires to Werewolves by Rachel Westwood.
500 points, ended June 24, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - "Untitled" (Ah, that sounds rather nice, doesn't it?) by Andrew Timothy.
350 points, ended July 29, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Well, for a vampire story it was pretty good, for a humor or insanity story (for my contest) it doesn't quite work though.
I thought it was rather fast how she "woke up" as a vampire and then just went on a "bloodlust rampage." If you were to make it longer, putting more emotion and psychological battles into it, I think you'd have a great story.
Some edits:
Paragraph 13: "...what I had become. The sensed his fear as soon..." You should separate this paragraph, between these two sentences, as the first half of it doesn't have much to do with the second half.
From paragraph 6 and on to 12, when you're talking about the vampire's first victim, it becomes very confusing with the "they"s and "their"s. I thought there were two victims in the alley! Try giving them a gender and using "he" or "her," "his" or "hers."
Other than that, there were just a few misspellings.
Thank you for entering and good luck. -
Wow this was a great story!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I'm starting to dislike first person stories because they seem to lack the description that you get in a third person story. Fortunately, I like your story because you were able to be descriptive. I'm not sure if your character just turned into a vampire but I liked his reactions. Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering.
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Hmm.
I think that it would flow better if you gave the dying human a gender. It's kinda weird/awkward to keep reading "them" and "they" and "their." If you're trying to make the human seem like food/prey to the vampire, maybe you could use the word "it," but otherwise, him or her would fit better.
It seems to me that the girl just got up as a newborn and immediately started killing people without any remorse. She seems to have the mentality of someone whose been a vampire for a long time. Even if she is a vampire fanatic, what could prepare her for actually being transformed into one?
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Hmm, this was very interesting... it certainly was original, and you described blood sooo well. Your storyline was a little weird though- she went from a remorseful vampire to a wild killer in the space of two heartbeats. But it did make for a more interesting read, I suppose. I liked your descriptions there at the beginning, and wished you had used more descriptions throughout the whole thing to make it more interesting to visualise and read. I could see the story as I read it, but most of what I was seeing was based purely on my imagination- you lacked detail. The ending was very interesting, but again you needed more detail. It was an awfully quick turning, but I guess that's part of your story's originality. Overall, the story flowed well, and had an interesting- but a little predictable- storyline. Your first two paragraphs drew readers in, and your ending finished off the story very nicely. Well done.
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You imagery is great, especially the heightened sensory information from a vampire's point of view. I like the idea of blood smelling like rust, and of hearing blood pumping in his living veins.
The one thing that threw me was how quickly Casey turned from pondering how she didn't want to be the type of vampire who ate human blood to the type of vampire who likes to "play with her food." It was a quick transition, and she didn't seem to have any regrets. Just noticing. By the way, someone who is losing their life is "dying" not "dieing." The ending was great. Keep writing!
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This was very good!
I loved how you described everything in this story, you used very vivid imagery, and it flowed very well.
There was the odd spelling or grammer mistake, but they were just small things like missing words such as 'is' and so on, so they should be easy to find.
This was a very creatvie story, and it showed the cliche vampire story form a new and different angle. I really enjoyed reading this, well done!
~Miranda
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More
Hey all of you guys and gals who have read this story. I would be more than happy to do a part two to this story, or maybe even more. If you would like me to, give me some feedback. The more positive feedback I get, the more I will consider writing more! -
Excelent Story
I liked the metamorphosis of Casey changing into a Vampire, nice!
You are very discriptive which set the mood of your story nicely.
I noticed some spelling errors and confusion when it came to the person/people Casey encountered in the street, was there one or two at the accident, you vacillate in your dialogue.
You had plenty of action in the short story which read nicely although could have used some more transition from the accident to when he encounters Rick walking aparenlty on the very street where the accident was.
Still, I liked your story and think that you have a nice talent for writing gore!
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Love it! A brilliant Vampire story
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Wow that was really good i would love to read more similar vampire stories by you, you know alot about vampires so it makes it sounds as if they exist in your story. you could definatley read it again and get the same awed amazed sensation.
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After Dark
Thanks for the comment! I also have another vampire story called After Dark! Most people seem to like it.
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Awsome entry! I luv it alot! Good luck!
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Pretty good, but how does she know all about the vampire stuff? You might want to explore that a little mroe but other than that good job! Keep writing!
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