With baby booties I walk around1
they try to explore2
new things to be found3
4
Sneakers slipped on outside I go5
they take me to the big world6
I'm never too slow7
8
Dancing shoes on my feet9
they dance with others10
I hope they dance with the one I want to meet11
12
White wedding slippers come very soon13
they take me down the aisle14
to meet the groom15
16
Baby booties are looked for and found17
they go on a new pair of feet18
to explore another time around
A contest entry
- Good Poetry: ENTER HERE by Midnightmare.
275 points, ended April 13, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The whole story you have written in this poetic format is great. Such a great meaning in a way...
The flow was a little choppy and in some places it just didn't read smoothly.
Overall a good poem, thanks for entering =] -
What goes around....comes around...
Very nicely done...the last 'to' in para 7 is lonely for another .'o' pesky things those 'o's' keep rolling off the page..mine do the same...
I love the introspective writing when one view life as a continuum and one with meaning...good luck in the contest...
Amicus...
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This is really good! I love the 'story' behind this! Very sweetly put!
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Very Nice!
Very Nice. Sweet. But somehow reminded me of a piece I wrote some years ago...similar form...different message:
"First man sucks a bottle or a breast
A child, he sucks sweet lollypops or candy canes in fest
A teen he sucks his sodas through varied pairs of straws
A Young man, he sucks cigars or pipes clenched tightly
between his jaws.
Then man sucks the lips of loves cupid did bequeath
Finally as an old man he sucks his food
because he has no teeth.
Man certainly sucks!"
As I said..........yours is a sweeter message!
GA
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