Caught in a state of immobility1
A world of limbo2
Cannot move3
Cannot speak4
No way to change the past5
No way to act in the present6
No way to influence the future7
Watching helplessly 8
From the sidelines of my life9
Floating back10
Fade to black11
No way to change the past12
No way to act in the present13
No way to influence the future14
Trying to push away15
In all the wrong directions16
Watching all the mistakes made17
While I’m gone18
When I’m gone19
No way to change the past20
No way to act in the present21
No way to influence the future22
Frozen in time23
Frozen in space24
Frozen memories25
Cannot erase26
Feelings abound27
Love all around28
Cannot be felt29
The cards have been dealt30
And now there’s no way 31
To change anything 32
In this place
Author notes
Erm...yeah. This used to be a true story. Now I don't know what it is anymore. It's got a little bit of erratic rhyming just to give the poem a little edge. By the way, this is for Midnightmare's Good Poetry: ENTER HERE Contest. So.
A contest entry
- Good Poetry: ENTER HERE by Midnightmare.
275 points, ended April 13, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - WANTED! Dark, Dreary, Depressing Poems by Friesian.
300 points, ended April 26, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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O.o
Really fabulous! Great use of words, I love the voice in this poem! ^^ Excellent job!
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I reaaaally like the meaning of this. it was pretty clear and i loved the way you wrote it.
Also, perhaps try to break up the lines into visible stanzas, it will make it easier to read and also more appealing to readers.
Well done! thanks for entering. -
Frozen...in limbo....
...one can easily extrapolate a prison scene, or even military duty where no choice on lifestyle is permitted to a very confining relationship with, of course, the possible obligations limiting choice, such as children, shared properties and familial obligations and expectations...to a point where free will and choice seem restrictive indeed...
There was a time when form and structure in poetry was de riguer, I guess, no longer so...I see free form a 'jazz like' in origin, spontaneous and flowing and often discovering new levels of communication on a rhythmic and metric level, sometimes unsuspected by the creator...
Interesting piece....
Amicus...
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Couple of things, Viola:
First, aside from the form...the content (and of course this is up to you, and quite subjective) seems quite negative and pessimistic. You are too young and thoughful to be feeling so hopeless. (Wait for later to feel this way...there's plenty of time)Things in life CAN be altered...direction can be changed. All is NOT inert, immobile, catatonic. Not yet.
In terms of form...the poem isn't bad, but I would get off this new "rap" format; at least tighten the lines to number a little more than two or three words per line. It'll read a lot more credibily as a serious piece of poetry.
GA -
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Don't worry, I'm not going all depressive or anything. I actually wrote this LAST year, when I was experimenting with negativity in my writing. I wasn't actually FEELING any of it.
As for the format, I'll see what I can do about the length of the lines. Thanks for the comment!
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