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A gentleman walks into the store and smells the general oder 3
of the store mixed with some kind of cleaning material, the 4
gentleman knows the candy he wants, the apples he is going to buy 5
and even what brand of today's newspaper he is going to get by the 6
cashier.7
Yet the gentleman doesn't realize today is not going to be a 8
regular routine of a day.9
As the gentleman grabs a basket and as he walks in and heads 10
for the fruit in the back of the store, there is so many 11
advertisements on the shelf, yet the oranges and the carrots 12
don't even catch the gentleman’s eyes, yet the red juicy apples 13
are just in his reach, then he notices just a mild reflection of 14
the store light glimmering off of the bundle of pre-wrapped 15
apples. 16
The gentleman grabs the apples and briefly sees a woman at 17
the corner of his eye, yet as the apples are grabbed and the man 18
turns to see who it was, the lady just went around the other 19
corner. The thought of the lady quickly left as the gentleman 20
heads towards the candy isle.21
On the large candy isle, there is plenty of modern candy such 22
as the Twix, Oreo's and even the stale red licorice that looks 23
like it collecting allot of dust. Yet the candy the gentleman 24
wants is not there.25
Out of frustration the gentleman heads towards the cashier to 26
get today’s newspaper off the stand, when he trips over s27
omething. 28
As the gentleman turns to apologize to the person, he 29
realizes its the woman he briefly glanced at earlier.30
The woman apologizes first, and when the gentleman open his 31
mouth to speak, he realizes he can't. The man's heart seems to be 32
caught due to her beauty and her accent and tone of her voice.33
The gentleman tries to speak, yet stuttering starts to 34
happen. This makes the woman laugh historically.35
The man paused to gain his composure and takes a few quick 36
breaths and hold his hand out to shake her hand.37
The gentleman apologizes professionally and introduces 38
himself to the lady, yet the cashier speaks of adds on the 39
intercom and the lady misses what his name was.40
the lady then introduced herself, yet while she was talking a 41
dog was barking loud outside and he missed her name.42
They went ahead and paid for there Items, both of them having 43
that sheepish grin and a slight blush as they both stand next to 44
each other.45
When they both paid for there stuff, the gentleman speaks up 46
and asks the lady if she would want some coffee at the coffee shop 47
down the street. The lady joyfully accepts his offer.48
The man says "Ok Great! ill see you in a few minutes!" and 49
heads out the door with his paper.50
The woman glances at the cashier, and the cashier giggles at 51
the lady and says "What's his name?"52
The woman says in a low voice almost to herself as she stares 53
out the store window “I don’t know, but he is a very nice54
gentleman”
please read and share your honest opinions
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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The words 'the gentleman' are to repititive. Try subsituting with he, or other words. Otherwise, it's a very nice story of etiqueete involved with love.
Sincerely
PariAysel
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not the kid
PariAysel, thanks for stopping by and giving this a read !!
I just shared this earlier, that this story here I believe was my first story that I wrote on SW after shying away behind writing other peoples comments !
I do have to say thank you for your input !
This was like shaving with rocks planted on the blades...it was a rough of a rough draft of my writings today ! LOL
I have written many stories of all kinds..and this story alone was the first that was written, yet since then, I have grown leaps and bounds on my errors and where I need to improve....thanks again for sharing your thoughts, it means allot !
-Hismercy
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This is a very interesting piece. I like that is so short and sweet, I thoroughly enjoyed it, though I saw a few minor spelling/grammar issues. Not to be nitpicky, but I have a slight case of spelling OCD. Towards the end it should be 'their' instead of there, I'm not sure if you meant historically..or hysterically, in the candy isle, it should be there 'are' rather than is, and..um..yes. Lastly, odor, not oder. Sorry 'bout all that. I just find spelling to increase a piece's readability and I really did enjoy this.
Whether intentional or not, I like that you have sort of a rhythm. You use 'yet' a lot and I think it adds to the piece. I truly did enjoy this. (Pardon the lengthy comment.
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Thank you Trisarahtops !
I almost forgot about this story !
I written this when I first became brave and started writing instead of commenting.
As many stories have passed, my grammer has increased in such a great way...I actually do the same thing as yourself as I share the spelling flaws of others.
Even though I am not perfect, I sure have improved in all areas, and try to share with others as well to see if they will improve or even correct their mistakes down the road.
Its been an extreme pleasure to have you make a comment !
You are awesome !
-Hismercy
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That's interesting that they don't know each other's names. This was kind of quiet & it read well too.
--Aden
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Thanks immortelle !
As explained in the comment above you, this story was written when I was trying to find where my groove was when I first started writing !
I have to laugh now, cause even though I still make mistakes, I can see my errors as a writter newb !
As you posted many days ago, to know that a comment was made (good or bad) is a pleasure !
-Hismercy
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very differnt style of writing, you have marked your sort of groove I think with this peice. Had some wonderfull imagery..some of the things I would say could be using the 5 senses... which I think if meant to or not even thought of worked in your favor.. A fresh zing of reading with an alternative scent of great interst
Blair
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I liked that they missed their names. It brings a very real prepective to your story. And this even works without a lot of descriptions.
Nicely done.
Brooke
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