Random Thoughts II

I keep wishing I was in Dingle, Kerry...1

I keep seeing the dark black sky there. It was AMAZING, the one and only truly black sky I have seen in my entire life.2

It was many years ago, two or three.. it's hard to tell.3

Lately I want nothing more than to be there, standing there, in that tiny little town in the quiet.4

That town STOPPED at 10.30pm.5

Everything was closed, no one was around. There were very few street lights, it was DARK.. It was quiet. It was like a GhostTown, yet during the day it was a major tourist attraction. 6

It was like living in a parrallel universe, it was beautiful.7

I have no idea why, but I want to be there.8

I want to stay there, in the dark, in the quiet.9

Our B&B was opposite a field, a little one, an open one, just grass, in a square.10

I want to sleep in that field, on that grass, under the stars.11

I am not an outdoorsy person, I hate the sun, the heat, the cold, the insects, but I long to lie awake under those stars, just looking up at them.12

Alone.13

Secure.14

I love the stillness of the night, but living in Dublin, it is impossible to really live it.15

The sky is constantly twinged orange with an artificial light of some kind, street lights, traffic lights, car lights, house lights.16

When I am finished school I am going to get to Dingle, get there, and camp I will preferably need a car, but I will take a bus, train whatever to get there.17

I need to go there.18

On my own, with a like minded soul, just I need to go.19

If I have to wait 2 years that's fine, it will be my reward for staying in school, for being a good little girl, for being the angelic child.20

I will go, I must go.21

I long for that night, a clear sky, stars shining, a breeze, not too strong, not too soft, not too cold, not too warm, dry.22

I dream of that night when I crawl into bed at the hour of the morning when the first bird sings, I imagine myself there, lying awake, looking up at the twinkling sky.23

To me,24

that is freedom.25

I may bring a notebook and pen, maybe my camera, but I will bring me.26

I will not listen to music and most likely not take a photograph, I will absorb the moment, drink it up, breathe it in.27

It will happen, it must happen.28

Until then, I will dream, I will write.29

Writing is as close as I have come to feel free, writing is how I express myself, my entire self, no lies, no omissions, just me, bare to the bone.30

My inner thoughts, the inner self screaming for a way to be out.31

I feel I was born in the wrong era, in the wrong place.32

Yet,33

Where would I publish my work?34

I know that this is for me, that no one I know will read this, but maybe one day they will.