Once a upon a time There was a teenage boy. The boys name is called Jake. He got this name from a very special person. Well anyway one day. Jake was really bored so he told his mom that he going to take a walk. 11
She said "alright dear just be careful" He said "yes mom" As Jake was walking outside he decides to go to the park . As he heads of to the park singing " I once dream of an angel" .He looks up at the sky and see nothing. He looks again he see something shiny.22
Jake thinks he sees an angel. He says to himself "is that really the angel I dreamed of?" He smiled at the amazing glow that shows on the angel wings. He wanted to know the angels name but she spread her wings and flied away. He frown and being to walk home to tell his mother what he saw that night. 33
He runs in the door screaming "Mom! Mom!" his mom says "What is it dear?" Jake says "I saw a shiny glowing angel with beautiful wings" "Really?" said his mother. "Yes Yes!!" said Jake. His mom said "well dear am glad you saw an angel tonight but its time to get ready for bed" "Awe" Jake said. He looks at his mom and then heads up stairs for bed. 44
He changes his clothes and gets in to bed. Once more he dreamed of that angel again. The next morning came "Jake!!!!" his mom called. "Coming Mom!" He yelled. As he gets dressed he runs down stairs into the kitchen. 55
He smiles and sits at the table. "Oh my god you made my favorite!!!" He yelled. "Blue berry pancakes mmm" He said to himself. His mom giggles and says "Yes Jake they're my favorite too". He smiles and says "Enjoy" She said "Like wise" He smiles and digs into his pancakes he finishes in time to go outside again. 66
He says "Mom am going for a walk again I'll be back tonight" She said "Alright dear" As Jake runs off to the park. He runs into a little girl. she falls on the floor. "Ouch" she said "Jake looked at her. He asked her if she was alright. 77
She said "Yes am fine thank you" Jake says "I'm sorry if I bumped into you" She "giggles and says "It's fine we all make mistakes" He smiled and said "Yes we do" "So where you going" said the little girl. He said "I'm going to the park to see if I can see that angel again" She smiled and said "Oh can I come with you?" He said "Sure thing" "What's your name?" She asked. He said "My name is Jake and yours?" She said my name is"Jay" He giggles "What a beautiful name" She blushes and turns red. "Why thank you" she says. "Anytime" he smiled. 88
As Jake and Jay being to walk to the park. Jay looks at the sky and then looks at Jake. "What is it?" Jake said. She says "Oh nothing just looking for the angel you told me about earlier" He chuckles "Oh I see" She looks at him again and then turns away. He asks again "What is it?" She said "I love your eyes that's all" He smiles and says " I love your eyes too" When they finally reach the park they seat under a tree together. 99
They both look up into the sky Jake cries "Look look! I see her" Jay smiles and says "yes I see her too" The angel looks at them both. The angel says "My name is Melissa fair well see ya next year" They both wave to the angel. Jay turns away and looks at the opposites direction. "What's wrong" Jake said. Jay sighs and says "Nothing" as she beings to cry. 1010
He says "no there is something wrong now tell me" She says in tears "well I really like you but am afraid you might not like me back" She cries harder. He looks at her in shock. "You do jay you like me?" She says "yes I do" He smiles and says "turn around please" As jay turns around He snuggles her close. She asks "why your hugging me?" He says "Because I like you too" She stops crying and snuggles Jake tight. "Oh Jake" she yelled. 1111
He smiled and says "Come lets go home" She smiled and said "Alright but will you show me to your mom" He giggles and says "Sure thing" As they walk home holding hands . They see a shooting star . They both wished to be together forever. When they both reaches Jake's house. He walks in with Jay. "Mom! I like you to meet someone" He yelled "Coming "she says. 1212
As his mom comes down the stairs. She heads towards the kitchen. "Yes dear" "Oh who's this cute little girl" Jay blushes and says "Well my name is Jay nice to meet you" Jake's Mom smiles and says "same to you dear" Jake yells "Sorry I came home late today" His mom says "It's alright you met someone sweet along the way" Then his mom walks away . Jake looks at Jay. She looks back at Jake. 1313
She says you want to go back to the park . "I would love to he said. "Mom were going to the park" "Okay be safe" She yelled. "We will " he said. As Jake and Jay walked to the park holding hands again. 1414
Jay looks at Jake's blue eyes and turns away. He looks at her and says "What is it" looking into her green eyes.
She smiles and says "Oh nothing just looking at your eyes again. He smiles . He says"Oh I see and am looking at yours too" She blushes. 1515
When they reached the park they sat under the tree again. Jay turns away again. Jake moves closer to her. "What's wrong?" She says "Nothing am fine" He looks at her and says "No your not please tell me what's wrong" She sighs and says "Well I think falling in love with you" He blushes."Really?" He asked. "Yes"she answers. 1616
He says "Look at me" She turns towards His direction and looks at him. He says " I been fell in love with you at first sight" She smiles and says "Oh really?" He smiles and says "yes" She looks at him and smiles. He looks back at her and grins. She says "Jake I love you!" He smirks and says " I love you too Jay"She smiles and then comes closer to him. He holds her tight in his arms.1717
She looks at him and closes her eyes . He looks back at her . Then he kisses her softly on the lips. She kisses back with passion. "Oh that was wonderful!!" She yelled He smiles and says "Yes that was indeed wonderful" They slept under the tree together that night. [The End]18
Well that's my story ^^
Author notes
I ate an orange while writting this o.O
What you think of it?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hey maria its nico. I like this story. Its a really good story. I think u should have gotten an award or somem. Lol. Well anyways. We should write a story together or somem.
See ya -
Hmmm....the mistakes in this were pretty distracting. I think this was a good idea, but I feel it could have been presented better. It seemed to go too fast, and I think some things were not adequately explained.
But thanks for entering!
Style: 4/10
Flow: 2/10
Uniqueness: 2/5
Readability: 2/7
Effect: 3/10
Lack of Errors: 0/3
Personal Score: 1/5
Total: 14/50 -
So nice and sweet, i like it
As Regal Theft below mentioned, your grammar needs working on but besides that, its a beautiful story. I love reading these young romance stories, they're just so cute ^^ Keep it up!!
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Aww, sweet.
I really like the classic boy-meets-girl, boy-likes-girl, kiss-eachother stories. It's nice. I would have liked to see a little bit more grammar, and maybe a bit split apart rather than in one big bunch. Keep trying though, you'll get it.
--RT -
i havent read any of your stories but this was quiet good, you seem like a new writer, good luck if your continuing.
well done
Missi
1 - 5 of 5




