Saving A Girl

I was on the phone with one of my friends. And her dad comes into her room. and was like "who are you talking to on the phone?" and he punched her in the chest. Then she tells me, Dan, my dad want to talk with you. And she hands the phone over to her dad. 1

And we talk. Then the question "how did you meet my daughter?" came up. And I tell him the trueth "internet". And he punches her in the throat. Then he asks her "and why does he have your number?" and she tells the trueth "my sister went online and gave him my number pretending to be me". He was about to hit her and i got this feeling that unless i spoke up for her she was going to get the snot beat out of her. And I yelled "she's telling the trueth" as loud as I can so he can hear. And he picks up the phone "you're not kidding are you?" I tell him as sincerly as I can "Yes Sir, she and I are both telling the trueth". Then he says "i'm going to go get her an ice pack" and he hands the phone back to her. She gets on the phone and starts yeling at me in surprise "what the fucking hell was that?" He stopped within inches of my face and he didn't punch me" 2

He then walks back in the room. And he gives it to her. And tells her to stand up. In a demanding way. Repeatedly telling her to stand up. She didn't want to. I eventually told her to trust him enough to stand up. And when she did, he gave her a hug. And she tells me "I'm scared, this is the first time I'm ever getting a hug from him". 3

Then she passes out, and he talks to me further, asking me what to do, how to help her. And then her throat swells and I convince him to take her personally to the hospital, though since the wife has the car, he has to borrow a neighbor's car. 4

And the last thing he tells me "I'm going to start trusting her more and I like you so I'm going to allow her to call you whenever she feels like it. Have a good night, you'll be the first we call when she gets out"

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

  • vampirebloodlust
    May 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Truth is A Savior...

    Esspecially in this piece, it's the only thing (other than love) that saved that poor girl. I feel her pain... most of my closest friends turn out at the hospital after the parent/parents beat them half to death. This piece is well written and has alot of feeling. Nice job!


  • Hismercy
    March 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    its spelled truth

    Interesting story, Im not going to stab you with all the incorrects and what to do next stuff, yet their was faults that eventually can be corrected as time goes on, I myself thought it great.

    Like I said earlier, the story was interesting and enjoyable. thanks for posting.

    -Hismercy

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.