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I stare up at the sky with apathy, yet pain in my cerulean eyes. My blonde hair flies back with the wind, and my clothes cling to my skin like a startled baby to his mother.2
I let the tears fall from my eyes only because the water pelting my face masks them easily.3
I drop to my knees and cry out; numb, yet afraid of what is to come.4
I'm not really sure if I can make it through this storm. But I am sure as hell going to try.5
Author notes
Uhm. Yeah. I tried hard. I guess. I couldn't resist entering; awesome contest. Did I do okay?
[The last line is literal and figurative.]
A contest entry
- Mini Stories. by Kevan.
140 points, ended March 25, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - For Writers Fourteen Or Under by Andy Stephenson.
350 points, ended June 10, 2008, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of it? Rate 1-10?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very Short
This seems specifically designed for another contest. I hope you did well in it. You use very colorful language and create clear images. It would be very interesting to see what you would do in a longer piece.
Thanks for entering 'For Writers Fourteen Or Under'
Andy
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Thanks.
I'm really sorry if it's not what you wanted...I can take it out if you want! Even enter a longer one...
Well, sorry
Thanks so much
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very descriptive piece of writing
Hi Taylor, thank you for entering the contest
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A highly emotional and very descriptive piece of writing you presented us with.
You were apparently interested in portraying a young girl suffering from some personal anguish; and while you didn’t let the reader in on what caused it, you did accomplish what you were after
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I felt very deeply sorry for your narrator—nice job.
I would suggest you take what you have here, and build it into a complete story. Since you obviously have the talent
.
Geri
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Thank you!
Yes, and I thought to try something new. I hope that's not bad!
Thank you
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Raw emotion, simple sentences - all pack a giant punch here. Extremely well writen, sis.
R. Good!! Keep this up!!
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Hah! I don't even remember this one
Thank you do much!
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
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This was certainly a detailed piece. It was emotional too, and yeah, it was the type of story I was looking for. You did good, and this was entertaining.
Good luck in the contest.
-Kevan -
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Cool.
Thanks so much!
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Oh my, wow this is stunning. Beautiful description to become hard hitting, the best part for me was the clothes to her body like a child to mother.
I hope you go well in the contest, keep it up.
ebunni
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WAHHH.
yours is so much better than mine, Tay! it's so...i don't even know the word for it. it's in the moment pain. something that you feel now. you're so descriptive, and i can see a girl on her knees, wrapped in the arms of rain, just...crying. being sad. being pained.
on a scale of one to ten, this is like...a fifty three. i really really liked it, especially the last line, because it was in sort of contrast to the rest of the story. the beginning/middle was sort of "i'm giving up", but the last line was stubborn. like, "i may be a pathetic mess but i am not going anywhere, and as soon as you turn around i'm going to be stronger than ever".
like that, yeah.
so. love it, love you.
♥s
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Thanks so much, Sarie!!!!
lol.
Your comments always make me happy.
I read yours, too. Mine is so not better!
I'm gonna comment on yours. But wow. I don't think my comment can beat yours
Fifty three? Hah! That boosts my confidence a bit
Thankies!!! Glad you liked it
Love YOU!
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
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good
it has an "upsetful" word. but it's descriptive
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Thanks
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