It...

I want it
It is ghastly becoming unbearable.
Thinking and wanting and needing
Feeding on everything I have.
I was you and it was me and it is damn well bloody over.
Expect me to move on.
I am trying.
I bet you can still hear those words in your head.
That's all I ever did was try.
I only wanted you to be happy.
I can't stop thinking.
I see an open window and I want to jump.
I want it.
Like part of me wants you.

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • sarahlove silver member
    September 29
    Edit | Reply
    You are phenomenal with words, my dear. Fantastic, really. I love this.


  • Bello.Midnight
    September 23

    Edit | Reply

    ♣ blake

    I can't stop thinking.
    I see an open window and I want to jump.
    I want it.

    Like as said before...
    DESPERATION...FEEDING...NEEDING...
    all these emotions buried deep within yourself.
    Not sure the picture matches..am a bit iffy about that.
    But regardless this peice is a keeper.
    Simple ...

    I can't stop thinking.
    I see an open window and I want to jump.
    I want it.


  • DarkOneShadow silver member
    March 22

    Edit | Reply

    Shows desperation well

    The love that you have shown in this poem also shows the desperation behind it. Love can do two ways... good or bad, and it's up to the person to decide where to cut the strings. Excellent, short piece.

    DarkOne


  • Fizbop Greeters member
    March 22
    Edit | Reply
    Very intresting peom very well written and very well done in it's shortness.


  • Mieta
    March 22
    Edit | Reply
    Still on this are we..Hun you know you need to move on.


  • I-Love-Someone
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    amazingly good emotion. you have such a talent for writing. you should definitly keep writing poetry.


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    March 22

    Edit | Reply

    Torn up

    good emotions within a well structured piece. No overkill by simply adding lines to fill spaces. It said what it needed and ended.


  • Glowstarcharmer
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very emotive poem. I have felt like this mysef before and I think that there are an aweful lot of other people who have as well. I think that a lot of people will be able to identify with the sentiment of this poem. It was well written and as usual your choice of words fit beautifully with what you were trying to say. Good work hun.

    X Amber X


  • Siby Anan
    March 22

    Edit | Reply
    Love poems are always the best

    Very deep. The ending kept me wondering. What happened? Will she live her life wanting him forever? Or will she finally give in to the temptation of the open window?


  • Silver Phoenix
    March 22
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job, the wording was wonderful. It was some what deep, it made me think.

1 - 10 of 10