Sometimes I hear on the news that another person tried to commit suicide, and sometimes they fail, sometimes they succeed, but in the end, the media seems so worried. Everyone just wants to feel pity for the pathetic losers, and I don't see why. Everyone as self-loathing, or stupid, as it requires to actually try to commit suicide should simply be allowed to succeed. Now, some of you may ask "do you know what kind of rate of suicide our country would have if we allowed every depressed or blatantly stupid person to commit suicide?" and the answer of course is: "an acceptable one". They are the bottom of the intellectual chain, and to stay a strong nation, we must weed out the lessers among ourselves. How can you honestly think of some teenager who doesn't want to go on as our equal, much less a productive member of society? No, Darwin's laws must stay true, even if those with no spine want to protect the weak and unfit. In fact, suicide should be encouraged, as a useful way of improving the standard of living. Pharmacies should be allowed to vendor cyanide to anyone 10 years or older who "just want to give up" or "can't take it anymore". The best part of weeding out the losers and parasites of our great country is the ability to then burn their bodies for fuel. then, whiny, depressed teenagers will finally have a purpose. There can be no rational reason for wanting to commit suicide at 16, 17, 18, and the irrational must be purged for a better, stronger nation.
Author notes
apologies to r*k*millohand and "A Modest Proposal"
A contest entry
- Offensive. by Springs.
210 points, ended June 4, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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DO you believe in punishing the ignorant....and before you answer that you, me and anyone else in the world is ignornat in some way....these people don't know what they have, and people who try to commit are, at the time, selfish.....they commit suicide because their life is suddenly not about them, and then they easily forget what they have........I'm sure after they commit suicide they regret it, and then and only then are they wiser than anyone because 1. they're somewhere we humans have never been and 2. they learn about life and death to the EXTREMES!!......nice perception of the world, really nice how you think though.....
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You Know Nick for the most part iam your friend and atfer reading this it pisses me off a little bit ,ok ,no it makes me extremly angery something you dont know about me is i used to be one of the sucidal teennagers ,i wanted to kill my self and i also used to be a cutter and i am pretty angery right now !!!!!!!!!!!!
You hit an extremly senstive topic with me i can't belive your encouraging it ,oh my god ,why you say this stuff ,i get it is your opinion do have to say you encourage people to"weave out the losers " i can't believe you !!!!!!!!
If you've ever been in the postion of a sucidal person ,which from this is doubt it you would know why iam so mad and the other comments are right this is NOT anything to joke about the last person that joked about sucide i hated them right off the bat and ending hitting the in the face with a tennis ball,god this is riduclous!!!
i don't care if it is a joke or not ,its just WRONG!!!!!! -
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And your last line is why I won Gold. Thanks for the comment.
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he reacts like this because he's angry.....but what you must see is that understanding is really needed on your part.....because one of these people who should be weeded out was/is your friend......
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I find your point interesting. I think if proper support was given to people who needed it... I guess alot of this aggreance comes from the amount of attention seekers I encounter, and I believe that there really shouldn't be such a thing as attempted suicide. If someone really wants to die, they get it right first time. If they don't there usually is an inkling in them that doesn't want to give up.
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If this was meant to be offensive then you certainly managed to. I was half way through a very mean comment before I understood that it was a piece for a contest. Luckily I hadn't sent it yet.
So mission accomplished. Though I don't think this subject is someting to joke about. I have to agree with HaXXor and Midnightmare, not something to joke about. But you had your purpose and you made it to your goal. To offend. So yeah.
Good writing, not so good subject. -
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IT WAS A CONTEST ENTRY!!!!!!!!!!!LOL, i thought he really believed this.....LOL OMG HAHAHAHAHA
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I agree with Midnightmare and HaXXoR. This is not something to joke about. Good writing.
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Hmmm I definitely say this would have a shot at gold if that were my contest. Of course I wouldn't want people to try to offend me, but thats just me...
I see you got a lot of emotion out of such a little piece. Whether they agreed, laughed or thought you to be a sick, twisted person. It still evoked emotion and thats the sign of a good author. Can you write another piece and make those same people cheer or cry?
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To be honest I didn't get as much from this as the others. Interesting read but thats about it. I'm weird though...
Good Luck in the contest.
Oh you might want to put the categories to 'meant to offend', 'Adult' or something along those lines. Might clear up some confusion.
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joke huh?
even though this is a joke.. you shouldnt go joking about suicide. it's a serious matter.. The grammar and so on in this was just perfect.. but the whole idea just.. made me frustrated. Suicide aint a topic you joke about. i can't even understand how you got the idea. i mean. no offence.. but this is really twisted. Do you think it's right to joke about a thing that takes away alot of lives daily? well i dont. and i think it's a psychopath idea to joke about this. i am well awared of that this is a contest made for offencing a person.. even that is twisted but can be sorta fun. but to joke about suicide is really too much. -
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I play to win ^^ ty for the comment though
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I strongly disagree.
Suicide is something that shouldn't be joked about.
I think the way you wrote this was good, even though it's incredibly offensive and I wouldn't recommend advising people to kill themselves or at least encouraging them.
Uhm... I really don't know what else to say because it left me a bit speechless...
and in this case that is not a good thing.
People kill themselves for their own reasons. It's not something you just decide one day and then do it... it's a serious thing.
Anyway, at least you wrote it with conviction and passion... I guess that's worth something. -
Funny as hell!!! I loved it, it takes cleansing to a whole knew level, though I now wonder how many people have ignored you. Very nice though sets well with my "war mongering, racist, facist, hilerist, conservative ways." Very nice 10/10.
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Nice, but a little bit offensive. I think everyone should be accepted, and no one should feel like they have to commit suicide. Nice point, but I think some people will disagree with this paper. I think this has still made me look at suicide in a different way, though. Good luck and keep writing!
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Lol. You're wrong, I'm not angry. In fact, I'm writing an essay for my english paper advocating that people not be allowed to stop other people from committing suicide, at least, not through any forceful physical means.
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