Dear Parents or Guardians,1
We thank you for paying your taxes (which we’d love to raise for you). We at LHS are very happy to take in the new batch of Freshmen and instruct them in noble the ways of the Liberals. To accomplish this, we’ve hired only the most certified democrats as teachers and our courses are designed solely to teach of the evils of conservatives.2
During the course of the year, we also hold special presentations by some of the greatest liberal minds of our time. Our library, as well, facilitates the brainwashing of students with text dedicated to left wing side of the spectrum. Most of it is required reading for our students in their courses.3
Here is a list of our best classes to achieve the Goal:4
United States History:5
This course is a year long class that revolves around the specific evils of conservative presidents and other political figures, while at the same time presenting democratic political figures in a light of truth and justice. After all, if Hillary can forgive her husband, why can’t we?The first term is centered around liberal idealism while the second term focuses solely on the aforementioned evils. This course is required for all students.6
World Geography:7
This class is a useless cakewalk for the teachers we have that no nothing of their subject. Nine times out of then, the students learn only how to spin what little they know to make themselves sound intelligent. This class is a part of the History Department and is required for all 9th grade students.8
Modern Problems:9
This required course for 12th graders is centered mostly on the economy and how the conservatives have ruined it. Other topics of interest for this class include how to dredge up old topics, mudslinging, slander, and (of course) how to lose morals. This class is required for all outgoing seniors.10
World Language:11
In the spirit of letting illegal immigrants into the United States and communicating with other cowardice countries, we have developed a language course offering the two main languages: French and Spanish. It is our goal to let cowards and illegal immigrants take over our school, so we are providing our English speaking students the opportunity to learn their language in the hopes that we may one day no longer have that wretched language of our forefathers. This course is required for all English speaking students.12
Student Government:13
To prepare our eleventh grade students for the rigors of Modern Problems, we’ve set up a preparatory course designed to introduce them to the principles of whining, slander, and mudslinging by going through mock scenarios of election campaigns. Students in this class are required to attempt to destroy their opponent’s character by false means and disagree with themselves on the most important of topics. This course is required for all 11th grade students.14
Natural Science:15
This class is designed around the idea that if you present only one argument, it must be true. We intend to brainwash our students into believing every point in the textbook without thought or hesitation, and our own teachers are instructed not to show the students any evidence contrary to the text. Students are encouraged not to ask questions as well, making them the perfect puppets that we use to shape the world. This course is required for all students and is a prerequisite for Earth Science.16
Earth Science:17
Again, we concentrated our efforts on brainwashing students and introducing them to the farce of global warming. Also, in this advanced class we also teach reasons and benefits of concealing information to bolster the arguments they make. Finally, this class expands on the ideals and principles talked about in the Natural Science course. This is an advanced placement class and is not required.18
Physical Education:19
Teaches the benefits of exercise and sports activity, including the favoritism of most of the faculty towards athletes and cheerleaders. Obese students are frowned upon in this class and will not be allowed to participate in extra credit opportunities, such as hazing, slacking off, and the coach’s personal favorite: pin the tail on the dweeb. This class is required for all students less than two hundred twenty pounds.20
Psychology:21
Here we explore the reasons for brainwashing and the consequences of knowing that one has been deceived. We also look into why brown nosing is such an important skill for statecraft as well, and how twisted words affect the mind’s internal workings. This class is an advanced placement class and is not required.22
We again thank you dearly for the time and money you helped to put into this letter with your taxes. To request additional information, please call this number: 1-800-DUM-DOWN. To request meetings with staff call that same number, press two, ask for three copies of form Alpha-6-1-3 and then submit that application for the application form to Parent Services between the hours of 9:00 am and 3:00 pm on the second Tuesday of each month. Your application will be in the mail within three weeks, at the end of which you will have to fill out the application and send it back by mail.23
Thank you for choosing Liberal High School for your son or daughter and we hope they have a good year learning how to be good democrats!24
Principle Lib R. Al
Author notes
Satire of my high school. It peeved a few people--including the principal.
A contest entry
- Political Incorrectness. by Oh Spoons.
100 points, ended April 6, 5 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Offensive. by Hate.
210 points, ended June 4, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Quickies: Humour by tallblondie.
210 points, ended July 8, 14 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - You want opinions with that? Why, yes I do. =] by Naive..
270 points, ended August 9, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Style: Good, bad, or something else. I want you're opinions.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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So you...
...also wrote something and posted it somewhere that peeved people off. Very nice. I'm all for making fun of every side when possible.
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Damn, I'm not all that conservative, but that was hilarious!! I sooooo admire you for writing this and putting it out there, not to mention letting your principal read this! Was it in the school literary magazine or something? I wish I could've seen the look on his face! I can tell you are a smart one. Though I have to say that liberals don't have a monopoly on truth-twisting and brown-nosing (I'm registered Independent, proudly affiliated with neither party, btw) BTW, if the person running this contest is a Democrat, I'm sure you'll win hands down!
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We had a bulliten board at my school where students could post their opinions about things. That's where I put this (it was subsequently taken down only hours later). I don't think our school paper would have published it.
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Entertaining...not a completely fair take on liberals I think, but certainly a great satire... As liberal as I am, I really must applaud this...and kick myself for doing it. Well done
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This was absolutely HILARIOUS!!!
This sounds a lot like my school, even though my state is supposedly conservative republican. The schools and the news stations are run by liberals. 'So Be It' seemed pretty t.o.ed. "Would have been less offended if it had actually been funny... Or true." It was completely and wholly both, and I love this satire! And it's not your fault that the majority of liberals are like that and overshadow the small minority who aren't, if the minority do in fact exist. They are almost impossible to find. By the way, you might want to go over it for a few minor errors, such as the use of "no" instead of "know". Anyway, good job on this!
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I didn't like it. But that's probably because I'm a liberal.
The writing was good, granted, but you completely stereotyped an entire group of people. And attacked them. I would have been less offended if it had actually been funny.
Or true.
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That was sort of the point, to attack and stereotype a group of people. The thing is, it is true. But if you don't like it, so be it. Just go whine about it somewhere else, okay? Thanks.
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Wow. Okay. Sorry I expressed my opinion.
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I like it.
Nice one. -
highly amusing
i absolutely loved this. i'm definitely not liberal so of course this is highly amusing for me and most of your points are true. as to your author notes, of course it would peeve a few people. and let me take a wild guess, those people are liberals themselves! well, obviously you're going to be peeved and offended if we've written something making fun of your political beliefs and such. lol anyways, absolutely loved this. it was amazingly well written and exceedingly entertaining. keep up the good work and good luck in the contests! hope you win something from at least one of them!
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Very creative.
That was absolutely hilarious. And I'm even Liberal on some things. I thought many of the points made were true though. Anyways, how you told your opinion in a funny way was great. Good luck in the contest.
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Crazy Funny
Haha! It does sound like a course description. It's funny- those who can't do, teach and we have many liberal teachers.
Lawliet didn't even get that liberals were being made fun of! => This is hilarious.
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How true! Most liberals I know are exactly like this, though I know a few who are pretty cool and can back themselves up and not be wishy washy. Good luck in your contests! And you actually put this out in school? Rock ON! That's friggin sweet. -Liz
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I thought this was uber funny, especially the last part, but at some points it made it sounds like being liberal was a bad thing...
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That was the point. I'm a conservative. I'm poking fun of liberals.
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...oh
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