Could You

"Could you love me?"1

I felt the strength in his grip as he treasured my hand while we sat in the front seat of his car, the welcoming lights of my house winking in the chilly spring rain. The dim glow lit his deep brown eyes with sincerity; or perhaps that was just his actually feelings swimming there? It was hard to decide, to trust when we were so close in a space that smelled like his aftershave and my body wash, a mixture of deep forests and sweet vanilla fields that mingled into one scent that smell like...Together. 2

"Could you love me?" 3

A simple query. No demand, no harsh 'do' you to ruin the moment and cause me to pull back. No begging, no whiny 'would' that might tug my heart in a direction I wasn't ready to even think about. Just a simple question, with his heart blinking in flickers between the closing of his eyes while he waited. Waited for me to decide which path to choose and change our relationship forever. 4

I could lie, rush to reassure him. I cared for him, that had come easily. In the past seven months he had gone from that sweet guy from the office to a great friend and confident. He had held my hand while cried after my mother had died. He had been there to hold back my hair after the mistake of drinking tequila at the Christmas party. He had been there on rainy days with umbrellas, on sunny days with something cold to drink, on lonely nights with movies and distractions. I started looking forward to his smile over the wall of my cubicle, to the random text messages to make me giggle through the boring meetings. He was constantly there no matter what I may need. 5

After a few months of easy flirtation and lunches shared, I started inviting him over for dinner. He helped me move furniture, we laughed over wine and crackers, and I convinced him to dress more of his age and not so much like his grandfather. We had jokes that made no sense to anyone but could brighten any day. We talked about everything, and I had opened up to him more than anyone else in my life. 6

But was that love? I couldn't begin to imagine my life without him, without the winks behind his glasses, the timber of his voice late night over the voice, the feel of his arms around me when he hugged me goodnight. I knew that if he left me that I would miss him everyday. I knew that I cared deeply for him, his well being and health, but also his happiness. I discovered, as I sat there while he looked at me, that he meant more to me than anyone else had ever meant. Love though? True love, love for all time, love between me and him and us being together in a way that I had never allowed anyone else to be with me. 7

"I know that it's rushing, to a degree. I know that you probably don't see me like the way I see you. But I just want to know that there is a possibility that you might one day see past the friendship and realize that I have been waiting for you to trust me, to love me. I just want to know that I am not waiting on something that might never happen. So, could you love me?" 8

Could I love him? Did I already? Would I always? My fingers flexed in his hand, and I could feel his heart kick up a rapid tempo. He leaned towards me and brushed a lank of hair from my face, just as a curl fell against his brow. His eyes, deep and sweet, poured emotion into mine with slow warm degrees that filled me in a place I wasn't sure that was empty before now.9

Could I love him?10