'Help me' a young girl bound to the wall thought.1
This girl just so happened to be a princess of her nation. This girl has also been down in this room bound and gagged for two days without food or water. Lets back up though to before this sweet red haired girl was kidnapped.2
Two Days Earlier3
"You can't catch me Milo" the same girl said laughing running away from her best friend.4
Never would you be able to tell that this girl was the kings child let alone his only daughter. She was wearing trousers and a loose tunic such as a boy and a hat donned her head keeping her long rusty brown hair from falling into her eyes.5
"You are wrong Danni i shall catch you sooner or later." the boy yelled gaining on the girl due to his long legs and the strength that being a farmer entails.6
He tackled her to the ground in a field away from town and started tickling the fifteen year old woman.7
"Say mercy and tell me i win and i am the best." he said smirking.8
"Mercy, mercy. You are the best my dear Milo just stop tickling me." the highly ticklish girl choked out between laughs.9
Milo stopped tickling her and smiled down at his beautiful best friend. This girl she was amazing and he loved her with every inch of his heart. He leaned down and in a fraction of a second captured her ruby red mouth in his kissing her softly.10
Dannielle or better known as Danni was shocked at his action. As soon as Milo realized what he had done he pulled back and apoligized lenghtily a blush in his tanned cheeks. Danni smiled and brought a snow white hand to Milo's cheek and pulled him back down kissing him lovingly. 11
The teens had not even realized that they were not alone. A prince from a neighboring land was riding through the country on his way to the castle to ask for Danni's hand in marriage knowing their two countries would be even stronger if they combined. Plus he had heard of the young girls beauty and wanted that for himself.12
He rode near the field where Danni and Milo happened to be playing and caught himself watching what he thought was two boys. Disgusted as he was seing the two kiss he could not look away and when he saw the cap fall from the smaller boys head he watched as her long hair fell down her back and he knew that this was infact Danni. He had heard her partner yell out Danni although he had just thought of it as a boy name until he saw her lockes. He knew Princess Danni was the only one within a hundred meters of this place that had such long and red hair.13
He growled now annoyed at the sight of the two. This boy was nothing and he had already stolen His dreamgirls heart. he urged his pure white stallion away from the two and waited until it became dark and the princess was returning to the castle.14
This man, whose name he never revealed, grabbed and tied up the princess chuckling a dark sinister chuckle and brought her back to his castle where he had stripped her of her trousers and tunic leaving her only in her undergarments chained her up in the dungeons.15
Two days Later16
Now the king had just noticed his only daughter is missing and the only reason he realized this was because Milo's worry led him to ask the king where she was.17
The king's rage was great and he sent out every knight he had to go and find his baby girl. Milo went along Knowing he had to find his beloved.18
At the evil Prince's castle19
"Are you ready to admit you will marry me." the prince asked grabbing Danni's chin and making her look at him.20
What he saw shocked him she had a lifeless look in her eyes and tears running down her face. She mummbled something against the gag he couldnt understand and he lowered it.21
"Just kill me please. I would rather die than be with you over Milo." she said her voice raspy and rough so unlike the tinkeling sound he had first heard from her and it scared him at how begging it sounded.22
The Prince was torn now as he realized what his envy and jealousy had done to this very young girl now he had a choice he could let her go or he could keep her here. The choice may not seem hard for most but if you were to see how wonderful this woman was and if you believed yourself in love with her you may hesitate to knowing that you could never have her any other way.23
This man was struggling as he walked closer to her and noticed how raw and bloody her wrists were. How bloody her whole body was do to the fact that the blood and run down her wrists and covered her body. He couldn't take it anymore and he pressed the button next to her but far enough away so she could not push it and released her bindings. 24
She fell to the ground and looked up at him fearfully before scrambling to her feet and running off leaving the prince there in shame.25
After about ten minutes of running she came upon the party looking for her and ran to them seing Milo who got off his horse and ran to her hugging her lovingly kissing her forehead cheeks and whatever else he could.26
The prince however stood there looking at the button that had given Danni her freedom and ripped his heart out.
Author notes
babe my name is Katlyn and hmm strange
A contest entry
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Was it at all good?
Comments
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I think this is a good storyline, but it needs work. here are couple of problems I picked up:
Paragraph 2: check tenses "This girl has also been" should be "This girl had also been..."
"Lets back up though to before this sweet red haired girl was kidnapped." rather say something like, "Let's back up though, to before this sweet red haired girl was kidnapped. This is what happened earlier"
Paragraph 5: "kings" should be "king's"
Check the grammar and use of words in this paragraph.
Paragraph 6: Check your dialogue
Paragraph 7: you are giving too much information. Be subtle.
Paragraph 12: "girls" should be "girl's"
Check you use of the apostrophe.
It is a clever and original story, but to make it understandable you ar going to have to edit it. Be careful when you write "i" because it must be capital. Start you sentences with capitals and do not put capitals in the middle of a sentence.
Also, you reveal too much information in one go, rather save it and leave the reader to decide some of it themselves. The last line does not make much sense to me. It would make the story much sadder if you stretched it out, explaining the prince's grief and how happy Danni was to be with Milo again. This story had promise and it can be much longer if you work on it.
I don't mean to be rude, I only mean to constructive comments that will help you improve.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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this is an amazing story, but this one paragraph had such complicated sentences it was hard to understand.
"He rode near the field where Danni and Milo happened to be playing and caught himself watching what he thought was two boys. Disgusted as he was seing the two kiss he could not look away and when he saw the cap fall from the smaller boys head he watched as her long hair fell down her back and he knew that this was infact Danni. He had heard her partner yell out Danni although he had just thought of it as a boy name until he saw her lockes. He knew Princess Danni was the only one within a hundred meters of this place that had such long and red hair"
i also didnt get why the father wasn't worried about his daughter and think that you should go into more detail about her and Milo's reationship before the kiss.


