(all errors are there for a reason)1
my hart hurts momme
but u dont seem to understand
this stikers wont help
nor will talking to this funi man2
im using all the words momme
but u stil dont seem to understand
driving round and round wont help
vistiting dokters in this big town3
my hart HURTS momme
but even dokter dosnt understand
the results wer fin
but he reely dosnt no4
that my hart hurts momme
come on! im using all my words
this room is cold
and i want to go home5
my hart hurts momme
ive been using all the words
someone hurt my feelings mom
someone cald my brother names mom6
and that i dont understand
Author notes
Basically, when I was three I came home from preschool and told my mom that my heart hurt. She took me to doctors and we ran tons of tests... only to have the doctor ask me why my heart hurt... and I told them. "Someone made fun of Spencer." From there on out whenever someone hurt my feelings, it's always, "You hurt my heart."
The spelling errors are there because I want it to seem that this is from the perspective of a three year old. Also, when I was nearing two I wasn't really talking until I finally went up to my mom and told her, "I'm going to talk now, because I know all the words."
Call me a perfectionist.
A contest entry
- 1,000 Points for poetry!!! by Forgotten Anomaly.
1000 points, ended March 26, 2008, 58 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sad, sad, sad by NinjaMegami.
100 points, ended May 12, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emotional tales by Reaver.
130 points, ended May 22, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Speechless
Sigh..this was an amazing poem. It really draws in the reader in its own unique way. The perspective is so original, I've never read anything like it. Well Done!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was adorable. This is a really, really good poem. I've never read something so unique. This is definitely original and amazing. I love the use of errors to make it really seem like it's from the perspective of a three year old.
Very impressive. -
This was very sweet. I enjoyed it much
Well done! ~D
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I was going to get at you for your spelling, but then I read the authors note. This is really sweet in a sad kind of way. I actually like the affect of making it sound like it was written by a three year old, very affective.
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Ha, yeah, I'm the first to admit that my grammar is terrible (although all mistakes in here are on purpose) my spelling is really good, I don't think I could make that many mistakes. Thanks for the review!
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