When the phone rang my body froze1
As if I could tell by the tone of the ring2
It was not good news3
My mothers voice was shaky4
Your father’s home she said5
Its cancer, and it doesn’t look good6
Everything became a blur7
All I could hear were those words8
CANCER, DOESNT LOOK GOOD9
I started to scream10
Then I heard my father’s voice11
“You need to calm down he said12
I’m not dead yet”13
I found no comfort in his words14
“Where are the kids at” he asks15
“Don’t let the kids see you like this;16
I’m coming over to get you17
But you need to calm down”.18
I gathered the kids up and waited.19
I hear the doorbell echo in my head,20
I slowly open the door to my fathers smiling face.21
What was he smiling about I thought?22
Doesn’t he realize how sick he is?23
All I could do was cry,24
I couldn’t look at him without fearing the day Id lose him.25
When he would talk to me Id cry,26
Wondering how much longer Id hear his beautiful voice.27
My father pulled me aside28
And in that tone, the one I heard as a teenager29
When I was getting the "I’m so disappointed in your choices" lecture30
He explained to me how it was going to be.31
“I don’t want the time I have left to be about the Cancer;32
I don’t want you crying every time you see me.33
You have needed me your entire life,34
Now I need something from you.35
I need you to be strong, not just for me but for you;36
I need you to be there to support.37
I need you to realize I’m not dead yet.38
Enjoy everyday for the gift that it is39
And when I’m not here anymore40
Remember me with laughter not pain.41
Sounds good in theory right?42
But in practice not so easy.43
We spent the next 3 months together44
Laughing, crying, living and dying.45
My Father lost his battle with cancer46
9 months after being diagnosed.47
Even at the very end he was thinking about 48
Me and how I was handling this; rather than 49
The fact that he was dying.50
<O
></O >51
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