Pillars of Ice

The general mood that morning was bleak to say the least. Rain had woken up in a terrible mood and it had slowly spread to the rest of his family. Alma was rude and generally unsympathetic to the plights of anyone but herself; she was his youngest sister and by far the most annoying. Drita was a little more forgiving seeing as how she was much older and wiser than her sister. She still however kept her answers short and concise to avoid snapping at the person whom she was addressing. Ashra didn’t say anything at all, and her silence spoke volumes in itself. Lista, Rain’s mother said nothing, but ached in her heart at her sons departure.1

“Remember my son,” she said. “You go now to preserve the honor of our family, like your father before you.” Rain bit his lip and resigned himself to his mother’s lamentations and embraces. Alma stuck out her tongue in defiance and was met with a harsh swat from both of her older sisters. Drita hugged her brother tightly and whispered a few words of comfort into his ear. Ashra was the last to say goodbye, and for the first time that day she spoke. “Go with the gods little brother. You leave this farm and your family today only to be surrounded by a world of men. I hope these years among us have not turned you into a woman.” Rain punched her playfully on the arm. “You lot are more of a squall than any man could ever hope to be.” 2

There were several more embraces, followed by several more words of wisdom, and a few baleful glances from Alma. Then his mother handed him his satchel and his walking stick, gave him one last kiss on the forehead, and bid him farewell. With that Rain turned and trotted down form the small thatched house to the cobble stone rode that would lead him towards Yovsect and his destiny. In the back of his mind he knew he was going to miss his home, his sisters, and his mother. He was going to miss the early mornings when he was rousted with a kick from Drita and the shrill call of the rooster upon the roof. He was going to miss the long days of rewarding labor, working to plant and harvest the beans, and wheat, and wild yams that he was so fond of. But most of all he knew he was going to miss the childlike innocence that he had taken for granted all these years. He was going on to become a man now and all men had to put away childish things. Rain was not sure if he was ready for what lye ahead, but he was neither short of courage nor of a staunch determination that flared up in his gut and settled in his chest. He was ready for the world or at least a big part of it.3

4

The year of the gods 223.5

I Abacut Chree the vassal of the gods to herby pen this history in testament to there glory and also in homage of the heroes who have shaped our fortune and our lives. I have been upon this earth for a hundred years and thus Europa has imparted me to tell of all I have seen, and heard. I have lived through the Great Plague and I was there to watch the Battle of the Crimson Skull. I have seen the great city of Arisudo collapse under the weight of its own sins, and the great river Pilos turn to a basin of dust. But as with most things I am getting ahead of myself, so I suppose I must start at the beginning, and there is no better place to begin then when I met Rain. I believe it was in the year of the fire bear so 137; I was just a boy back then but I remember everything as if it were yesterday…6

*7

The first mile or so wasn’t that difficult, but by the fifth or sixth mile Rain’s feet were beginning to throb without mercy. Finally he could take no more and he plopped down by the side of the road and opened his pack to eat his lunch. The contents were not elaborate by any means, but his mother had remembered her son’s insatiable appetite and had packed him a variety of hearty foods. There were two plump yams, a loaf of rich milk bread, a pouch filled with barley for use in a soup, some cooked chicken from last night, and another pouch with red beans and a little curry. He resolved to save the beans until later and instead split open a yam and tore off half of the milk bread. 8

The meal seemed to heighten his spirits and even though the pain in his feet remained he seemed to care less. As he ate he scanned the area around him. He was quite a ways from home but also nothing was unfamiliar to him. He had been this far out before, but he had longer to go this time. The tall grasses swayed in the light breeze, and the kori-kira bird sang out its shrill song for all to hear. He felt lazy in the warm afternoon sun and would have loved nothing more than to lay back and close his eyes. But he knew he still had a lot of ground to cover if he was going to reach his destination. Sighing heavily he closed his pack and hoisted it over his shoulder. 9

For the next few miles the landscape stayed mostly the same save for a few thatched huts scattered around every now and then. The people on the side of the road waved to him and smiled heartily. He waved back and smiled in kind. Children abandoned there houses to see who was passing by and upon seeing him would run our and tag him with there hands and demand that he play. Rain just laughed and ruffed their hair, and gave chase every so often. He had been a good big brother for the most part and he couldn’t help but think of how much some of the children reminded him of Alma and Drita. A few protective older siblings looked on from the front of their houses, just like Ashra always did for Rain. He shook his head and tried not to dwell on his misgivings.10

After another while he came to a fork in the road that jutted out into three separate paths. This stopped him dead in his tracks for he had not expected this, and he had no idea where he had to go. He leaned against his staff, slightly forlorn and contemplated the decision before him. His hand then jutted into his tunic and fumbled with the amulet of the goddess Amalthia that his mother had given him. As if in response to his very touch, a sudden commotion caught Rain’s eye. He turned to see three older boys kicking and jeering a younger one. The little boy was being tussled about like a sick game of boya ball. He cursed and shouted at the older boys and no matter how much of a beating he was taking he would always get back up and fight. One of his punches landed squarely on one of the attackers noses and it erupted in a stream of blood. “Kutho! By Payes you are a little runt! I’ll kill you for that!” The older boy was just about to crush the younger ones throat with his massive hands when Rain lashed out with his staff and smashed it across his head. The bully dropped his quarry, swayed for a moment or two, then collapsed on the ground.11

The other two looked at Rain in astonishment for a minute or two then both of them pulled daggers from their belts. “You’re going to regret that!” said the one with a twisted lip. He lunged at Rain and made a striking motion with his dagger. Rain blocked with his staff and the blade shattered to pieces on impact. The boy with the twisted lip didn’t even have time to panic as Rain brought the staff down upon his jaw. The other boy grabbed a handful of sand from the earth and threw it in Rain’s face. The blinding effect was immediate and Rain struggled frantically to clear his eyes. He waited for the blade to come; he waited for the impact and the flow of blood. But nothing happened. He wiped the dirt from his eyes and saw the little runt standing over the last attacker holding a rock that was bigger than his head. “Thanks big kid! You really saved me!” Rain smiled. “And you returned the favor. So I guess were even.” The runt shook his head. “Nope, not even close. I owe you big time.” Rain walked back toward the fork in the road and the runt followed close behind. “So why were they picking on you?” The runt shrugged his shoulders.12

“I’m small, there big, you figure it out.” “What is your name?” Rain asked. “My name is Abacut Chree, but I don’t like that name.” Rain rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well I can’t just keep calling you runt now can I? How about Kigo, after the god of strength and honor?” The runt raised a quizzical eye. “Strength? Have you seen me mister? I’m barely to your waist.” Rain smiled again. “But you never gave up, even when you were outnumbered. To me that’s true strength.” The runt grinned with pride. “Okay, then Kigo it is! Say mister what’s with your staff? It broke a knife like it was a twig. Is it special or something?” Rain turned his staff slowly in his hands. “You could say that; it’s a very rare wood that only comes every hundred years. It occurs when the demon vines grow tall and wrap around the bark of the angel tree. What it creates is what we call the Bladechio or Blade Tree. It is stronger than any steel forged by man, yet light enough to be held by a child.” Kigo marveled silently at the staff. “Hey can I have one like that?” Rain shook his head. “I told you it was quite rare, but….” He reached into his pack and pulled out a small piece of wood about the size of his own arm. “It will make a decent weapon in a pinch, and maybe this will be one of the branches that blooms a seed and then you can plant a Baladechio of your own.” 13

Kigo smiled, and neither said anything for a while. Then Rain shifted his pack and continued on toward the right hand path. Kigo stood there looking dejected and alone. Rain turned around and gave a huge smile. “Hey Kigo, are you coming or not?” Kigo’s eyes lit up and a huge grin spread across his face. “You really mean it?” “Why not?” Rain replied. “You probably know these roads better than I do, and I have no idea where I’m going.” Kigo trotted over to where Rain was and pointed toward the middle road. “It’s that way. If you go on the right path you would have ended up in Recas, and the people there smell funny.” Rain picked up his staff and along with Kigo made his way toward Yovsect. He was glad of his new found company, but still a little apprehensive about what lay ahead.14

Author notes

Please leave a detailed comment and tell me what I could fix in this story. Should I write more? Do you give a crap what happens to the characters?

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Comments


  • Blackwings
    March 22, 2008

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    I liked this story ^.^ Not to mention the completely rad names that you used ^.^ But the plot was awesome and it keeps the reader intrigued till the very end Nice job!! One problem I did have though was with the quotation marks O.o I have a problem with them I know.....But if you could just separate the paragraphs and when they speak it would be easier to follow. But otherwise it's a great read ^.^ Nice job!!!!
    <3~Blackwings


  • MoonRoseWolf gold member
    March 20, 2008

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    This was overall pretty good, there were some spelling and grammer mistakes, but they were just little things, like 'there' instead of 'their', nothing major.

    I think the beginning of the story moved very well, but then the pace tended to slow down again towards the middle. Perhaps you could include somewhere he might stay, or something that happens to him before he gets to the small boy?

    I think the imagery was very descriptive, and very vivid, I actually felt like I was stood there watching

    I also think you have done the speech and language very well in relation to the genre your story is. Their characters are all clearly defined by what they say, and also their actions.

    Overall, a really good start to something, and I think you should definately continue with expanding on this

    Well done, keep it up!

    ~Miranda