The Letter

"Honey, come on we are going to be late for Your sisters recital" Another stupid recital, I wish my sister would have been a recluse instead of a Mrs. Perfect drama queen. I mean, she is 10 years old. How perfect can she be? 1

"I'm coming mother!" I walked downstairs into the living room. I saw that look on her face. I knew I shouldn't say anything or I would be have to listen to some sad speech. Just because they got divorced, I'm the one they send messages to tell each other. Every time I spend the night at my dads, he makes me tell all this stuff to my mom. Then all they do is fight. Its so ridiculous. 2

We got into the car and pulled out of the drive way. I turned my headphones on as loud as they went so I wouldn't have to hear my mom. 3

"We're here" she said as loud as she could. I guess she knew I had my headphones on.4

"Just smile, Jenna. And be nice, just for once in your life."5

"Fine mother, Ill be all nice and sweet just for you." Not. I'm going straight to my seat and turning my head phones on to my favorite band, Metallica.6

After the beautiful ballet recital, we came home. Everything became back to usual. My mom was preparing dinner, my sister doing her homework, and I, well I was sitting on my bed with my stereo up all the way.7

"Dinner is ready" YAY! Time for dinner! NOT! I cant stand dinner. My mom wants us to be a normal family. SO she has decided we all have to sit and eat together, as a family. I of course, did not like that idea at all, but she said if I didn't like the idea, I would have to go live with my dad, and I hate my dad so I follow her rules.8

The phone rang, good excuse to miss dinner for a few minutes. I went to the phone to answer it. It was my dad. Oh skippidy do da day. 9

"Hi dad. Yea, Yea I know tomorrow I'm spending the night at your house. Yes, Yes, mom knows this too. Okay dad. Bye" Oh my wonderful chats with my father. I will remember them forever.10

"So, how were your days at school" Only my mother would say that.11

"Just peachy keen." I replied with not so much enthusiasm as she would have expected. 12

Then, my sister went on with a full minute by minute schedule, were she described every minute of her day. And I had to sit there and endure the agony which she put on me. I was convinced she did this to annoy me, and it was working, tremendously. 13

"Mother, I'm going back upstairs. I've had enough to eat, and of her" 14

"Jenna, that's it, I've had enough of you. Pack all of your things. Your moving in with your father."15

"Fine, mother! Ill do it gladly. Ive had enough of you, and this shit hole!"16

The reaction on my mothers face told me she wasn't expecting that answer, but that is why I was going to move in with my father, or at least prolong the lie as long as I could. I had to make her feel the worst she could. It was why I was put on this earth.17

The next morning was horrible. She was feeling so bad I could tell. I thought that would make me happy, but actually i felt guilty. But I realized it wasn't me that made her feel bad. Something else was on her mind but she wouldn't tell us. So I decided to let it go. There was only one thing she said to me, and I was walking out the door when she said it.18

"Honey, ride the bus home. You wont be going to your fathers tonight." I didn't say anything to her, I just walked out. But the whole day, those words were in the back of my head. When I got home, my mother wasn't at work. She was sleeping in her bed. I decided to not wake her up, but i seemed to have woken her up by opening the door.19

"Jenna, I have something to tell you, but I don't know how to say it."20

I was getting annoyed with my mother, I hate how she prolonged things."Mom, just say it"21

"Your father is, well, he died last night." Those words hit me so hard. But I didn't understand them. It was like she said it backwards.22

"What did you say?"23

"Your father is dead. I didn't want to tell you."24

"No, no hes not." Many things were goign through my head at that time. I was so confused. Finally my thoughts caved in. "Wait, how did he die?"25

"You see, he didn't want, he didn't like."26

"Mom just tell me how he died!"I said this pretty loud. And it shocked her, to where she jumped back a few inches on her bed.27

"Well, its not easy, HE KILLED HIMSELF OKAY, HE SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD! Is that what you wanted to hear?" I just stood there, dumbfounded. I cant believe what she just said. I just looked into her eyes, and I saw how she meant it so dearly. I didn't want to say anything else to her. I thought I hated him! But all I wanted to do is cry. i ran into my room and cried into my pillow. That was the last thing I remembered. 28

I woke up and I could feel something next to me. It was my sister. She was asleep next to me. I looked at her as I was laying there. Next to her face was a pool of tears. Then it came back to me. Everything that had happened that day, had rushed back to me in that one instant. And I felt the pain which I had felt earlier that day. And I knew that my mother had told Rebbecca. But, I didn't understand it. I hate my father. And now he is dead. Everything he had done to my family. He cheated on my mother, behind her back. He robbed us of all our money, yet I still have this feeling. The feeling I never though i would feel for him again. I loved him. I truly did. And I never realized it. I wanted just to go back in time and stop him. Or at least tell him goodbye. I never told him goodbye! He died thinking I hated him. Oh how i will never ever forgive myself. I made sure my sister was okay and I walked downstairs. My mother was there, talking on the phone. I glanced at the clock, it was 11:00 at night. She turned around instantly.29

"What are you still doing up honey?"30

"I fell asleep, I just woke up. Oh mom!" I ran to her and cried so hard, I could feel her shirt getting moist against my cheek.31

"Ill have to call you back, Sam." She turned the phone off. "Its okay honey. Please don't cry, I cant stand to see you crying." I looked up to her face. I saw a tear slowly slide down her cheek. 32

"I love you mom. I'm sorry Ive treated you the way I have. I feel so horrible. Will you ever forgive me"33

"Oh honey, I know that you've loved me. Your just a teenager. Ive expected this from you. And I love you with all my heart. Don't feel bad." We just sat there and cried for ever, or that is what it seemed. Finally she said something after we had calmed down.34

"Your father wrote each of us a letter, here is yours. I didn't open it because I wanted you to be the first to read it." She slowly handed me the letter, that was sitting beside her on the table. It had wet stains all over it. Like someone had cried over it. I realized my hands were shaking uncontrollably. The house was silent, other than a few crackling from the upstairs floorboards. I took out the letter and read it to myself.35

Dear Jenna,36

I love you with all my heart and soul. I know that you don't like me and that you despise me, but I thought I should let you know that Ive always loved you. I hope you see that I had to do this and that you find deep down inside that you love me too. I hope I didn't hurt you as much as this hurts me to do. 37

Your father,38

William39

I looked at my mom, and started to cry again. I knew that our family was going to be okay. Maybe even a little better with him gone. He only caused trauma in our life, which made it hectic. It was going to be hard on my mom, my sister and I. But we would push through and be back to the way we were, but there is one thing I do know. I will never treat my mother the way I used to. And I will always love my father, no matter what he did to us. 40