Alex sat on the hood of his truck,Johnny Cash playing from inside the cab. AT twenty years old,he was a tall man with a deep tan from his native american heritage. His shoulder length brown hair fell onto a long black jacket. The black 63 Chevy was shining slightly in the moon light. Alex stared at the moon,wondering what the future held for him. 1
the year was 2010,and Alex had fought the emerging Illuminati,but to no avail. They now controlled much of the world,with only a few countries still fighting against their might. much of the United States had fallen,and Alex fought with those still clinging to freedom in central Texas. he didn't know why the Illuminati had decided to reveal itself,nor why its members seemed to have strange powers,but he did know he had to fight to protect the ones he loved. he pull out a black 38. revolver from his belt,and twirled it. 2
suddenly,another truck pulled up beside him,and shut off. Alex could hear the driver get out,but didn't look as the man walked to his side"still using your fathers old service revolver i see".3
Alex looked at the man,his face cloaked in an outdated fashion"trying to play ninja,are you Farley"he smiled"as many of us that are left,we shouldn't be hiding our faces from them"he sighed"they know what we look like". there was a silence for several minutes as hurt played on Alex's radio
Comments
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Sweet a 63 Chevy. Woot!! Good car.. er Truck. The only thing I found wrong with it was spacing after your dialog. A space after your "" would clear it up. Other than that I liked it. I shall read on and tell you how I like it.
Elli -
Interesting Start.
The Illuminati is taking over the world in only two years. Well, we need to know much more about the Illuminati. They have special powers? That hardly seems fair. A 63 Chevy would practically be antique and Johnny Cash was a surprise.
Welcome to Storywrite.
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Wonderful!
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thank you all for all your help editing
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Not sure what I can add here that hasn't already been said.
Great start, feels more like a prologue.
Fixing the stuff Geri & Miranda mentioned would help the flow a lot.
I think it should be .38 but not sure
Also its cemetery, unless thats one of those enlgish/aussie things
Any story with Johnny Cash music is a good story in my book.
Jack
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Apparently you have a grand imagination, and will do will in the Science Fiction field
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If this is to be the opening chapter, I might suggest you spend a bit more time on descriptions of both the characters and where they are. When you establish this in the beginning it makes for an easier read.
A few things you need to edit are lack of spacing between words. Like this (world,with.) Your Spell check should point them out.
And the need for capital letters. To make meanings clearer, and to start new sentences. (Johnny) johnny cash (Cash) playing from inside the cab.
Alex stared at the moon, wondering what the future holds (held) for him. 1
(They) they now controlled much of the world,with (only a) few countries still fighting against their might. (Much) much of the (United)united (States) states had fallen,
I’m curious about this story and will watch for more of it.
Welcome to SW. Hope you find what you are looking for here.
Geri
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Okay, first up, welcome to StoryWrite
Right, you have a few spelling and typo mistakes, but they could soon be sorted easily on the spellchecker. Also, you need to make paragraphs, and start a new line when somebody new speaks.
This does sound like a very interesting start of something though, and I would love to see what you are going to write carrying on from this.
Well done, and welcome again
~Miranda
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