Running through your veins

How terrifying and exhilarating it was to feel such hatred running through your veins. Dozens stood before me, watching, cheering. The feeling they radiated would have made me crumble a year ago but today I was a different person. Different in so many ways, ways they could never see with their eyes so blinded. The lies ran through them like blood. It was all they knew, all they believed. 1

I didn’t resent them for believing the lies. I resented them for condemning me to a life of hatred and sorrow.2

Reading this you most likely do not understand what I speak of. I just want someone to hear me. For once in my life I want someone to listen to what I believed. 3

My story lives in a corrupt society where men were praised for their sins and women were looked down upon for ever being born. In the history I know women were never really treated equal but didn’t people come to see we were the givers of life. 4

From the age of 5 I was taught to know my place in life. I was born to serve men. Luckily at the time the only man in my life was my beloved father, who treated all with respect as long as respect was what he got in return. 5

On my 13th birthday it was announced that a son would be born from my mother. Of course this news was a cause of celebration. My birthday was forgotten. Knowing my place, I said nothing. I sat off to the side and picked at my food as others drank and sang with joy. That was the starting of the resentment, the resentment I tucked deep inside my heart, where no one could ever look.6

6 months into the pregnancy, my mother started to talk about getting a job after little Ethan was born. She wanted to help support him. My father, of course, disapproved greatly. A married women working was a disgrace in my town, any women for that matter.7

8 months later my mother was brutality murdered when I was at school. I’d come home expecting joy and happiness but the moment I walked into my house I knew something was wrong. There was an eerie silence and on my way to my mother’s room shattered glass was everywhere. 8

The most horrible thing I have ever witnessed is my mother’s beaten lifeless body lying helplessly. The image would haunt my mind forever. I did not move from the spot in my mother’s doorway for a good half hour. I stared horrified. The only reason I moved was the sound of my father walking through the door. 9

Another slice of resentment embedded itself in my heart; this resentment was toward our heavenly father. I asked him over and over why he took my mother away. I never got an answer. I never even got a sign. My belief in a higher power slowly started to fade from then on. 10

My father had not gone into the room to see my mother; in fact, he stayed far away from the room. The moment I looked into his eyes I knew he was changing inside. Something evil was growing inside him and when the evil was unleashed it was going to be directed toward me. 11